


A Slight Complication

by CreativelyDestructive (orphan_account)



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Angst, Drama, Family, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort, Kid Fic, Love, Love Triangles, Love/Hate, M/M, Mates, Memory Loss, Psychological Drama, Psychologists & Psychiatrists, Secrets, Slow Build, Star Trek - Freeform, Teen Romance, Telepathic Bond
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-18
Updated: 2015-01-06
Packaged: 2018-02-13 16:38:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 56,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2157699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/CreativelyDestructive
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was supposed to be a routine mission, but when does the Enterprise do anything routine. A slight complication occurs that de-ages not only Captain Kirk, but Commander Spock as well. Now the Enterprise is stuck with their superior officers as children. At least the crew gets to watch them grow up and fall in love one age at a time. K/S kidfic</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer** : I don't own anything, and mean no disrespect to the characters or actors who portray them.

 

"What do you mean there has been a slight complication?" Bones demanded furiously at Sulu over their communicators. Bones told Spock not to let Jim eat anything, but did anyone ever listen to his medical advice? No!

"Well, Dr. McCoy, um…Spock—"

"What the hell has that hobglobin done now?" Bones roared growing more irritable by the moment.

Sulu back on the alien planet the Enterprise was currently orbiting looked at his two superior officers uncertain. He had heard the verbal lashings Spock had received for letting Captain Kirk do something Bones forbade. Sulu didn't think he would be able to handle them as well as Spock had. Sulu also didn't have a death wish so he was stuck.

"Spock and the captain—"

"And Jim?" Bones snapped making Sulu wince and pull his communicator away from his ear. "What's wrong with the two infants?"

"They drank—"

"Dammit! What was the first thing I said?" Bones questioned practically ready to tear the blasted ship apart in frustration. Sulu sighed rubbing his eyes tiredly.

"Yeah, I know but they couldn't refuse. It was ceremonial, and the Keelites wouldn't join the Federation without this condition. And well…now the commander and captain are…kids," Sulu finally finished in a quick breath. He paused waiting for McCoy's outburst, but there was only an eerie silence on the other end.

"Mister Sulu?"

"Yes?" Sulu answered confused at hearing Nurse Chapel's sweet voice.

"Dr. McCoy passed out, but I suggest you get the captain and commander aboard so we can run some tests," Nurse Chapel explained concerned.

"Alright," Sulu confirmed.

He turned towards the two children wondering if this was going to be a reoccurring thing. The Enterprise had a reputation for running routine missions that somehow ended up with the most peculiar results. Sulu shook his head refocusing on the children. Spock informed that he was five years old while Kirk shyly held up three pudgy fingers when asked.

Spock didn't look much different than what he normally did. He had the same neat bowl cut and slim frame, but Sulu had a feeling he was small for his age. His eyes seemed bigger on his small face, but held the same intelligence and maturity. He was just so tiny. Kirk on the other hand had a mess of bright blonde hair, and the same too blue eyes that were wide and curious. He was a bit pudgy, but it was just baby fat. Both children were positively adorable, and the women on the ship were going to die when they saw the two.

"Enterprise, three to beam up," Sulu ordered while making sure the two stayed near him. It was a relief when he felt the familiar tug of the transporter. They'd be Uhura's problem when they got to the ship.

To say that Uhura was surprised at seeing her friend and former flame as kids would be an understatement. Her jaw dropped when her eyes landed on the chubby toddler gripping the robe of a young Vulcan boy. She slowly walked over to them noticing the way Spock protectively stood in front of Kirk. Uhura smiled seeing that some things really don't change.

"Hello, my name is Lt. Uhura, but you can call me Nyota," she greeted while holding her hand up in the ta'al.

"Peace and long life," Spock replied while holding up his ta'al. Uhura resisted the urge to coo at him, and instead turned to Kirk who was still hiding behind Spock.

"Hey there little guy," she said with a warm smile. Kirk peeked around Spock looking up at her with bright blue eyes.

"I'm not little! I'm three!" Kirk exclaimed proudly while holding up three fingers making her bite back a laugh. Yep, some things never change.

"Well then big guy how about you and Spock follow me to medbay," Uhura requested while motioning them to follow her.

"Jim, you must see a medical doctor," Spock said when Kirk refused to move from the transport pad.

"No! I don't want to be poked! Doctors are scary!" Kirk whined while crossing his arms stubbornly.

Uhura couldn't help but smile while shaking her head amused. She decided that she would let little Spock handle it. He was the only one who ever got Kirk to do something he didn't want to. Now shouldn't be different. Spock's lips pressed together forming a thin line. A sure sign he was rethinking his strategy. A face he often made when dealing with the unbelievably stubborn Kirk.

"Jim, I am going to see the doctor. Would you want me to see him alone?" Spock inquired making Kirk's eyes widen in horror.

"No! Never!" Kirk exclaimed while reaching out to grab Spock's hand. Upon contact Spock tensed while his cheeks turned a light green.

"Let's get going boys," Uhura chirped grabbing their attention once more. Kirk went quietly, but refused to release Spock's hand much to the older boy's embarrassment.

Walking through the halls was as Uhura expected it to be. The crew trying not to stare, but they couldn't help themselves. The women cooed over the young boys at every turn. Spock's face was expressionless, but the tips of his ears were a dark green. Kirk on the other hand ate up all the attention they were getting. With them getting stopped all the time it took forever for them to get to medbay. 35 minutes and 48 seconds Spock supplied when she mentioned this to Nurse Chapel.

"Boys, this is Nurse Chapel. She'll be taking care of you for now," Uhura introduced while wishing she didn't have to leave for her shift. Kid Spock and Kirk were too cute for words, and she didn't want to miss a thing.

"Hi," Kirk shyly greeted while gripping Spock's hand tighter.

"Live long and prosper," Spock said while holding up the ta'al with his free hand.

"Awe, they are so cute!" Nurse Chapel cooed unable to contain herself any longer. Spock lifted an eyebrow while Kirk giggled.

"Nurse Chapel, please control yourself," Spock retorted making her smile amused. Uhura bid them all farewell before taking her leave.

"That sounded just like the hobglobin," Bones grumbled while walking over. He stopped in his tracks when his eyes landed on the young duo. He wasn't sure whether he should laugh or cry.

"This is Dr. McCoy. He's going to be the one running the tests," Nurse Chapel explained while motioning to the gruff doctor.

"Jim, hop up here so I can take a look at you," Bones requested while patting the biobed invitingly.

"You will not touch my Jim," Spock declared while pushing the toddler behind him protectively. Nurse Chapel's eyes practically popped out of her head when she heard him. Bones on the other hand was far less amused.

"Spock, Dr. M'Benga is going to take care of you," Bones retorted while the doctor in question came forward. A low growl emitted from Spock's throat when the doctor moved to escort him away.

"It's okay Spock," Jim whispered while tugging gently on his friend's robe. Spock looked down at the young boy, and realized just how frayed his control had gotten.

"Pardon me," Spock apologized before following Dr. M'Benga. He couldn't help but look over his shoulder to make sure Jim was still okay.

"Let's check you out little guy," Bones said while lifting Jim onto the bed.

He pulled the white curtain so there was a bit of privacy. Bone chuckled rolling his eyes when he heard another low growl coming from the other side of the room. M'Benga was going to have his hands full with little Spock even more than he did with normal Spock.

Bones gave Jim a lollipop to keep him from moving around so much. It seemed to do the trick because Jim remained quiet while occasionally looking around curiously. Bones ran the tests repeatedly just to make sure the results were correct. He sighed running a hand through his hair. Only Jim and Spock would get into this mess. He hoped the science labs were having better luck analyzing whatever Kirk and Spock drank down there.

He pulled back the curtain, and nearly jumped out of his skin when he saw Spock standing there. Spock simply raised an eyebrow at him before returning to Jim's side. Jeez, even as kids they were inseparable. Bones walked over to M'Benga figuring Spock would be able to watch Jim without too much trouble. Then again Bones thought Spock was capable before, and now look where they were.

"It's the strangest thing Leonard," M'Benga commented while going over his own test results.

"Tell me about it," Bones replied while watching the two children interact.

"Spock, besides being the wrong age, is perfectly healthy. It's like whatever they drank not only set them physically back, but also mentally. Spock really believes he is five years old, and has no memory of anything after," M'Benga informed Bones in awe.

"Dammit, what are we going to tell the crew? The admirals?" Bones questioned turning his attention back to M'Benga who shrugged helplessly.

"Well, who is in charge now?" M'Benga asked trying to remember the chain of command.

"Aye, that'd be me," Scotty announced as he walked into the medbay covered in grease.

"Great," Bones mumbled exasperated. It was bad enough when Kirk was captain, but Scotty was even crazier. Spock wasn't even in his right mind to step in and stop this madness.

"Hey, I'd have you know that I already have this little problem figured out," Scotty said surprising the pair of doctors.

"Really? What's your plan then?" Bones asked while crossing his arms. He just had to hear what crazy half brained scheme Scotty came up with.

"I'm going to inform Starfleet that the Enterprise will be under maintenance because of a leak in the warp chamber. So we can only go at max warp 2, and that'll give us some time to figure out what to do with the captain and commander," Scotty explained with a proud grin.

"That is actually a really good idea," Bones mumbled surprised making Scotty frown indignantly.

"Of course it's a good idea! I came up with it!" Scotty exclaimed drawing the young boys' attention towards them. "Oy, are these them then?" Scotty questioned while walking over to the curious boys.

"Hi," Jim greeted with a little wave. Spock merely nodded his head in acknowledgment.

"Wow, aren't you two tikes wee?" Scotty commented and proceeded to ruffle the boys' hair amused. Jim giggled while Spock frowned slightly and fixed his hair hiding his annoyance. "How about we get yah boys fed?" Just then Jim's stomach let out a loud grumble that had him blushing embarrassed. Spock looked at him before turning back to the adults.

"Jim and I need sustenance," he informed them seriously.

"Dammit, I'm a doctor not a babysitter," Bones grumbled while shaking his head.

It was going to be a long day.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer** : I don't own anything, and mean no disrespect to the characters or actors who portray them.

 

Spock looked around the room he was designated to reside in through the duration of his stay upon the Enterprise. Dr. McCoy explained that it was the commander's quarters which is why it was so large in size. When asked where the commander was going to stay Dr. McCoy went unusually quiet and changed the subject. A most peculiar reaction.

"You don't have anything to worry about. If you need anything you can either call me or Dr. McCoy," Lt. Uhura explained while signaling to the communicator attached to the wall.

"When will I be able to speak to my mother?" Spock asked causing Lt. Uhura's face to fall into a heartbroken expression. Spock tilted his head not understanding the reaction. Human complexities often escaped him even with his mother explanations to guide him.

"Later," Lt. Uhura whispered while placing a hand on his shoulder.

Earlier Bones informed her of their condition. It would only make sense for the two to start asking about their families. Strangely Spock was the only one that requested to speak with his mother and father. Kirk on the other hand only asked if he could sit in the captain's chair. He told the crew that his daddy was a hero, and one day he would be too. Kirk had no idea how right he was.

"Very well," Spock replied before turn to sit on a meditation mat provided to him. He needed to recenter himself and reflect on the day's events.

"Let's go big guy," Uhura said while taking Kirk's small hand in hers. They got to the door before Kirk realized he was leaving behind Spock.

"No!" Kirk exclaimed while trying to pull out of Uhura's grip. "I don't want to leave Spock!"

"It's time for bed now. You'll see him in the morning," Uhura explained gently but Kirk wasn't having it. Stubborn as ever.

"No, I don't want to!" Kirk whined as his eyes started welling up with tears.

"James," Uhura scolded using her authority voice. "Spock needs to meditate and sleep."

"I will take care of Jim Lt. Uhura. You can leave him with me," Spock announced while walking over to the two of them.

Uhura looked at the young half Vulcan surprised, but let go of Kirk's hand nonetheless. Kirk wasted no time jumping into Spock's arms. Spock's eyes softened minutely as he held Kirk closely. Uhura smiled at the two young boys. When they were older the two lived in complete denial, but Uhura always knew why Spock couldn't be with her. He said they were incompatible, but she knew it was because he was unknowingly falling for the captain. It took her a while to understand and not be so angry, but then one day she saw it.

Kirk was in his captain's chair looking over some files when Spock walked up behind him. Uhura would have missed it if she didn't happen to glance over at the time. Kirk looked up at Spock and smiled fondly. Spock's lips twitched upward a bit as he stared down at his captain. Uhura felt like an intruder for witnessing the moment. Neither of them said a word, but somehow it felt like they had a whole conversation the bridge was unaware of. That's when Uhura knew that she could never compete with something she didn't understand.

Spock too wrapped up in Jim didn't see Uhura leave the two of them alone. Jim looked up at the much taller boy and smiled brightly. Spock didn't remember how he got on the alien planet with a human boy, but he knew that Vulcan and Earth were members of the Federation so he was safe with Starfleet. They would take him home to his mother and father. Spock smelled his scent all over the human boy, and deduced that it must mean that Jim belonged to him. His mate.

Spock gently pulled away from Jim, and tucked him into bed like Spock's mom had done with Spock when he was younger. He stroked his mate's hair until those bright blue eyes drifted shut. Spock allowed a small miniscule smile to grace his face because no one was around to see it. Spock once he was sure his mate was asleep went back to his meditation mat. He sat crossed legged and placed his hands on his knees. Spock focused on his breathing, but he couldn't feel Vulcan in his katra. Another thing that really confused and concerned him was that he couldn't feel his mother's familial bond. It was completely gone, but not as if ever existed but as if it was ripped out. It left Spock disconcerted and uncomfortable.

Spock stood up knowing that he would only end up doing more harm than good if he tried to meditate. Spock glanced at his mate who was deep in sleep. Sleep would be beneficial. Spock walked over to the bed and climbed in close to Jim. Jim shifted in his sleep, but didn't wake up much to Spock's relief. Spock closed his eyes preparing to sleep, but then felt a warm presence at his side. He opened his eyes and found Jim curling up next to him. Spock wrapped an arm around his waist and felt himself relax. Spock buried his face into Jim's messy blonde hair. He smelled spicy like cinnamon. Spock closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

**-KS-KS-KS-KS-KS-**

Spock woke up early the next day needing less sleep than his human mate. He saw a pair of clean clothes on the desk for each of the boys. He ran his fingers through Jim's hair for a moment before crawling out of bed. Spock grabbed the pair of clothes designated for him, and then walked into the jointed bathroom. Being a desert dweller he avoided water whenever he could so he decided on a sonic shower. It was quick and efficient, but also cleared his mind.

After his shower he carried out his regular bathroom routine, and felt much better when he was clean. He stared at himself in the mirror. His face was unreadable like a true Vulcan, but try as he might he could never diminish the emotion expressed in his eyes. His human eyes. Logically he knew there was no visual difference, but his eyes shone bright and emotional unlike his peers. Spock turned away from the mirror when he began feeling frustration gnaw at his control.

When he walked into the bedroom Spock sensed something amiss. He glanced around before his eyes landed on the bed. The empty bed. Possessive fury and unrelenting concern tore apart his control. Where is his Jim? Spock lifted his head up and sniffed experimentally. He could follow his scent that covered Jim. Spock left the room despite strict orders not to leave without someone guiding him. He kept an ear out for unfamiliar voices and sounds, but focused on following the scent.

After a couple of turns the scent ended at a room. He looked up debating how to proceed. He leaned in listening for any sound of his Jim. He knocked hard on the door when he heard Jim's musical laugh. Seconds that felt more like hours later the door swished open revealing Lt. Uhura. She looked at him surprised to see him not only out of his room, but also at her door of all places.

"Spock, what are you doing here?" She asked while looked down at the young Vulcan completely bewildered.

"Spock!" Jim shouted while throwing himself at his best friend. Spock visibly relaxed when he saw that his tiny mate was fine.

"Jim, I did not see you leave. I was…worried about you," Spock confessed with a light green blush staining his pale cheeks.

"Ny came. She's trying to make me take a bath. I don't want a bath," Jim whined while burying his face into Spock's chest.

"Spock, I'm sorry we worried you. I just assumed you needed a break from him," Lt. Uhura explained still surprised Spock found Kirk.

"I would never need a break from my mate Lt. Uhura. Please refrain from taking him from me without my consent," Spock practically growled at her. His Vulcan blood boiling at the thought of being without Jim.

Uhura was floored by what Spock just said. Mate? No, that can't be! They're only kids! She shook her head because she of all people should know that on Vulcan Spock's behavior would be completely normal. Children were paired off to a suitable mind and betrothed at a very young age. Uhura ran a hand through her head just imaging how McCoy was going to react to this development. Kirk was his best friend, and McCoy was fiercely protective of him. He would never understand that on Spock's home world this was perfectly acceptable, encouraged even. Nothing was more important to a Vulcan than his or her mate.

"Spock, why would you think Jim is your mate?" Uhura couldn't help but ask wondering how the little Vulcan got the idea in his head. As far as she knew the two boys had no memory of when they were older. Kirk was just a boy that was found next to Spock.

"When I woke up next to him my scent was all over him. Among other things I came to the only conclusion that he is or will be my mate." Spock explained while pulling the younger boy closer protectively as if expecting him to be taken away at any moment.

Uhura stared at the two boys dumbfounded. His scent? Did her two commanding officers have a physical relationship before the mission? Or was Spock marking his territory to ward off other aliens? It would make sense considering that in recent weeks Kirk was not nearly getting hit on as much as he usually did. Most aliens have a stronger sense of smell than humans do. They would easily be able to sense Spock's scent all over the captain. Uhura felt her brain swirling at the thought of them together. Did Kirk even know?

"Spock, how about you help Jim take a bath. I've been fighting him for the pass half hour," Uhura requested needing the time to figure out to explain this to McCoy.

"Affirmative," Spock acquiesced while leading a babbling Kirk into the room. Uhura watched them go into the bathroom, and took a deep breath knowing McCoy was going to freak out.

"I don't want to take a bath," Jim wailed causing Spock to flinch slightly due to his sensitive hearing.

"Jim, I have already showered. You need to clean up," Spock said while running a warm bath for his mate.

"But I don't want to," Jim mumbled as his bottom lip jutted out in an adorable pout. Spock paused to look at him exasperated.

"Why not?" Spock asked while making sure the tub was only halfway filled.

"I don't know," Jim whispered while looking down clearly hiding something. Spock turned off the water contemplating what to do.

"Jim, we are friends are we not?" Spock questioned catching Jim attention. Jim smiled widely and nodded enthusiastically in agreement.

"Yep, best friends!" Jim declared proudly.

"Then you know you can tell me anything," Spock responded making Jim frown and look down once more. It pained Spock to see his Jim so distraught.

"I know," Jim mumbled as he fiddled with the bottom of his shirt nervously.

"Jim," Spock whispered while walking over to the scared boy. He slowly reached out as if handling a frightened animal. Spock remembered how he calmed I-Chaya, his shelat back home, whenever he was scared.

Jim didn't flinch when Spock's hand landed on his small shoulder, but he didn't relax either. He maybe young and small, but he was a bright kid. He knew Spock only wanted to help him, but Jim was scared. He was scared for Spock. Jim didn't want to get in trouble. Jim took a clumsy step back not noticing the hurt briefly flash across Spock's face. He slowly took off his shirt revealing faded bruises scattered across his small chest.

Spock's eyes widened when he saw the bruises. They looked about to be a week old. He hesitantly reached out gently brushing the largest bruise. Jim winced slightly making Spock withdraw his hand with a pained expression on his face. His mate. His Jim. Someone had been hurting him. Rage filled Spock as he thought of someone causing his mate harm. Jim was so small and smiled so brightly, but he was hiding this from everyone. Spock looked at the small boy's tear stained face, and an overwhelming need to protect his Jim consumed him. No one would ever hurt Jim again. Spock would not allow it. His instincts were right. His Jim needed Spock just as much as Spock needed Jim.

"Who did this Jim?" Spock quietly asked not wanting the boy to think he was mad at him. Spock didn't want Jim to think this was his fault.

"His name is Frank."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Hope you liked it! Let me know what you thought!


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer** : I don't own anything, and mean no disrespect to the characters or actors who portray them.

After getting his mate cleaned up Spock wrapped him in a fluffy towel covering the bruises. He found more on Jim's legs, arms, and back which only made it that much harder to keep his control. Spock knew that his ancestor Surak taught peace, but before Vulcans were a warrior race. It is only natural for him to want to avenge his mate, and track down Frank and tear him apart. No one would lay a hand on his Jim again Spock thought while watching Jim clumsily dry himself off.

"Spock…are you mad…at me?" Jim nervously asked while avoiding Spock's steady gaze.

"Jim, what happened to you was not your fault," Spock answered while holding out a change of clothes for him.

"He drinks a lot…and…I never do the right thing—"

"Jim," Spock interrupts with subdued anger. No, this was not his Jim's fault. Jim could not do any wrong in Spock's eyes. He was so young and innocent. "He is wrong in taking his anger and insecurities out on you. You are my…best friend and he will never hurt you again," Spock promised wholeheartedly.

He did not want to scare his human mate by calling him  _ashayam_  or  _k'diwa_. Jim was young and probably wouldn't understand no matter how bright Spock considered him to be. He was still a human. His mother taught him that humans and Vulcans felt things very differently. He countered that Vulcans did not feel such trivial emotions, but then his father explained the opposite was true. In Vulcans emotions ran much deeper than in humans, but unlike humans Vulcans controlled their emotions to a much higher extent. Through this Vulcans achieved a peace humans could never imagine having.

Another substantial difference between humans and Vulcans was their mating practices. Humans were more fickle and often had multiple mates in a lifetime based on a number of things. A fiancé did not come into the picture on average until mid-twenties. Vulcans on the other hand were bonded to another at a young age. Bonds were based on mental compatibility and social ranking. Granted to say that his parents' marriage bond was scandalous and an anomaly. His mother was alarmed when his father bonded him to T'pring. Something must have changed because Spock no longer felt a temporary bond with her.

He also felt no bond with Jim, but the signs were all there. If he didn't have a bond with him then he was planning on having one. His scent was all over the young human, and regardless of having no memory of him there was a certain fondness his Vulcan control couldn't shake. The need to be by Jim's side was alarming and overpowering. Spock found the young human aesthetically pleasing and fascinating company. Another sign was the overwhelming jealousy Spock experienced at the thought of Jim being with another. His fear and anger when Lt. Uhura took him away from Spock.

There was no logical reason for these emotions except for Jim being his desired mate. No other person could elicit those kind of emotions in him. Spock looked away as his mate dressed into pants and a tshirt. Jim looked very uncomfortable exposing his arms so Spock offered him his own jacket. Jim smiled brightly as he put it on, and that made the cold more bearable for Spock.

"Spock, you're not going to…tell anyone are you?" Jim asked while looking up at Spock with watery blue eyes.

Spock's heart in his side clenched at the thought of no one knowing what had occurred to his Jim, but at the same time he did not want to cause his mate more unneeded anxiety. Spock had already decided that he would take care of it, and if he couldn't do it alone surely his father would help. He of all people should know what it was like having a human mate, and the complexities that arose with it. On Vulcan children were cherished. It was completely unheard of for an adult to lay hand to a child.

"It will be our secret," Spock comforted Jim who expressed his joyful relief by hugging Spock tightly.

"You're the best!" Jim exclaimed with his usual exuberance restored.

Spock knew logically that it was improbable for him to the best of anything considering his hybrid nature. Regardless of that Spock felt unusually warmed at the thought his mate believed him to be of better quality than others. After all Spock himself had not met every human in the universe, but he unequivocally believed his Jim was the best of them all.

"Thank you Jim," Spock replied while gently patting the smaller boy's back.

**-KS-KS-KS-KS-KS-**

"You call that a slight complication?" Bones bellowed in incredulous shock. He could practically feel his blood pressure rising and his hair greying. "How in the world is baby Spock thinking baby Jim is his mate just a slight complication? Please try to explain to me how the hell this happened!"

Uhura flinched back not used to be on the receiving end of McCoy's wrath. Ironically the only two used to being yelled at by the overworked doctor was Spock and Kirk. Whenever this happened, after and before every away mission, the rest of the crew stirred clear. No one wanted to be get on McCoy's bad side. They've all heard the horror stories about their captain and commander's physicals. McCoy was always happier around physicals because it was the only time he could get the two to cooperate with him.

"Well, on his planet it's perfectly normal for children to have bondmates," Uhura patiently explained to the distraught doctor.

"That doesn't mean the little hobglobin had to go and bond himself to Jim!" McCoy snapped making Uhura cross her arms stubbornly.

"Jim would be lucky to have Spock as a bondmate," Uhura retorted causing McCoy to deflate slightly.

"Nyota, I didn't mean it like that," McCoy grumbled while running a hand through his hair flustered.

He knew that she and Spock remained friends even after their breakup, but neither of them dated anyone else. McCoy always figured they would get back together someday. They just made so much sense. They were both brilliant and had an interest in linguistics. Spock was logical and unemotional, and as far as McCoy could tell Uhura was similar. She was more passionate, but had a tight lid on her emotions when around Spock. McCoy wondered what went wrong with the two, but kept his curiosity to himself.

Rumors of Jim being the cause drifted around the crew, but McCoy never imagined how Jim could possibly be at fault. Jim never said a word about their breakup. Never offering condolences or a listening ear or shoulder to cry on to either of the two. As far as McCoy could tell Jim went on like the two never broke up. The only change that happened was Spock spending a majority, if not all his free time, with Jim. Most of the time they played chess or went over paperwork in Jim's room. Every now and then the two would be spotted eating together or sparring in the gym. Now that McCoy thought of it, it was rare for one to be seen without the other.

"I know, but just think about it Leonard. Would it really be that surprising if they were together?" Uhura quietly asked with a forlorn sigh.

"I don't want to think about it," McCoy grumbled. "I'll need brain bleach after this conversation."

"I know this is uncomfortable. Believe me I know, but we can't separate them. Spock will literally go crazy trying to find Jim. Vulcans are very territorial of their mates," Uhura explained once more in hopes that McCoy would let it go.

"No, I'm not going to let the little Vulcan claim Jim! Especially when Jim doesn't understand the severity of it," McCoy declared before storming out of medbay.

**-KS-KS-KS-KS-KS-**

"Spock, we need to talk," McCoy gritted while trying not to throttle the young naïve Vulcan.

"If we must. I am teaching Jim how to play chess," Spock informed the irritated doctor.

McCoy stopped mid-thought when he saw his toddler friend studying the board. He always knew Jim was a genius despite him trying to convince everyone otherwise, but this was too much for McCoy. Deep down McCoy knew that it wasn't Spock's fault that he and Jim were de-aged. McCoy knew that he was just frustrated from the lack of results the science department was producing. He missed his two friends, and having them as children reminded him of his sweet Joanna.

"Spock, I don't think you and Jim hanging around so much is a good idea," McCoy announced causing both young boys to freeze.

"You don't like me anymore?" Jim asked with tears forming in his eyes as he looked at Spock hurt.

"No Jim. I care for you deeply," Spock replied alarmed at Jim's tears. McCoy quietly groaned while rubbing his face wearily. He should have listened to Uhura on this one.

"Then why don't you want us to be friends?" Jim questioned turning his watery gaze towards McCoy.

"It's not that…it's just," McCoy stopped short when he saw the pain in Jim's too blue eyes. McCoy could never had denied him before, and now was no different. Dammit.

"What?" Jim mumbled while wiping his eyes stubbornly.

"Nothing, never mind. How about we all get something to eat?" McCoy grumbled completely deflated.

"Food!" Jim cheered while grabbing Spock's hand to lead the way.

McCoy bit his tongue to keep from snapping when he saw the green flush on the young Vulcan's face. They walked out of the room together, and McCoy led them down the hall to the elevator. Jim looked excited to get on while Spock remained completely unimpressed.

The only thing that seemed to make Spock somewhat happy was Jim's excitement. Jim being Jim, especially in kid form, was excited about everything. It both amused and concerned McCoy. He saw some signs in Jim that really worried McCoy. Signs of neglect and abuse, but he wasn't completely sure. He wanted to run some tests, but it was going to be difficult with a possessive mini Vulcan constantly around him.

"Spock, after dinner why don't you shadow Scotty down in engineering for a while?" McCoy tried hoping that the science would capture Spock's interest.

"That would be fascinating," Spock calmly answered, but his eyes lit up with excitement. "Where will Jim be?"

"Um…hanging with me in medbay," McCoy answered truthfully. Spock stopped walking and looked up at the doctor with wide perceptive eyes. The next thing out of his mouth broke McCoy's heart.

"You know."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Hope you liked it! Let me know what you thought!


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer** : I don't own anything, and mean no disrespect to the characters or actors who portray them.

Bones and Jim meant more to each other than either would care to admit out loud. No, aloud they bickered like an old married couple. They bantered back and forth about anything and everything. They met in the academy, and despite Bones being a cantankerous pessimist and Jim being a rebellious playboy they clicked. Bones figured Jim was a masochist for sticking around him at the worst time in his life. Jim figured Bones was one of the enlightened few who saw the world for what it was, but wasn't going to back down anyways. Regardless of their aversion to most people they found a bit of themselves in each other. Therefore, they stuck together throughout every adventure.

Yes, aloud they were best friends through thick and thin. However, those who knew each on a deeper level knew that Jim and Bones weren't best friends. They were brothers. They each clung to each other having no other family either by choice (in Jim's case) or by law (in Bones' case). Jim was like a little brother Bones never had or wanted, but was more than happy to be stuck with. Bones was like Jim's brother, but better because Jim knew that Bones wouldn't abandon him. They both been through hell and back, but it didn't matter because they always had each other.

Which is why it was so hard for Bones to find out that his best friend, his brother, was abused as a child. Behind those bright blue eyes and charming smile was a dark secret Bones didn't even know about. Bones knew that Jim had serious commitment issues due to his even worse abandonment issues. He always figured it was because Jim's mother was always off planet and his older brother took off when Jim was still a kid. Bones never once thought that Jim could have been abused. He was a doctor dammit! How could he have not seen the signs?

"What does he know?" Jim asked looking between Spock and Bones confused.

"Nothing," Spock answered while placing a hand gently on the younger boy's shoulder to lead him to the mess hall.

Bones stood at the door of the cafeteria watching his two friends walk together. Even in their young age they were inseparable. Bones never thought Jim would replace him because their bond was too deep. They couldn't get rid of each other if they tried. No, Jim and Spock had a different kind of friendship. It wasn't more or less. Just different. Bones didn't want to acknowledge what Uhura was telling him earlier, but he always saw it.

Jim and Spock meant more to each other than either cared to show or admit. Even though they started off on less than agreeable terms their friendship grew and grew with every passing moment. Near death experiences did that Bones assumed. Jim had a bad habit of getting in trouble no matter where he was and what he was doing. Spock had a knack for getting him out of trouble no matter what Jim did and where he was. They were practically made for each other as much as Bones was reluctant to admit.

"Dr. McCoy, the science department has new findings in regards to the mystery drink the captain and commander consumed," an ensign informed McCoy who was spacing out.

"About damn time! I'll be right there. Gather the alpha bridge crew for the briefing," McCoy ordered before turning to the children. "Boys, I'm going to leave, but Jim I'll see you later."

"Okie dokie," Jim replied through a mouthful of fries. Bones chuckled and ruffled the small boy's bleach blonde hair. Same old Jim no matter the age.

Spock opened his mouth to ask McCoy something, but the impatient doctor already took off towards the briefing room. Everyone who saw him coming quickly got out of his way in fear of being plowed down by the fearsome Dr. McCoy. What normally was a ten minute walk from the mess hall to the briefing room two floors up was cut in half by McCoy's brisk pace.

"What do you know?" McCoy demanded the second he entered the room. Fortunately for him alpha bridge crew were already there and seated.

"Uh, well…" The science officer stumbled over her words nervously as she became intimidated by the CMO's aggressive behavior.

"Well?" McCoy urged while crossing his arms in hopes of calming himself down. He knew he was being unreasonable, but these were his two best friends they were talking about.

"The alien liquid de-aged the captain and commander. While we don't believe the effect is permanent there is nothing we can do—"

"What do you mean there's nothing we can do?" Bones roars making the young science officer flinch back. "What the hell do we know?"

"Leonard, calm down!" Uhura demanded while rising threateningly to her feet. Her own temperament raised by the stress of a kid Spock and having his and Jim's relationship coming to light.

"Don't tell me to calm down! Jim and Spock are children right now, and apparently these science geeks can't do a damn thing about it!" Bones snapped back not backing down to Uhura's rage.

"Guys, how about we all just relax?" Sulu announced while rising to his feet to defuse the situation because it escalates further.

"Who died and made you captain?" Uhura retorted while turning to the pilot annoyed at being interrupted.

"I miss the captain and commander," Chekov mumbled while ducking his head to avoid getting dragged into the conflict.

"Aye, what's going on in ere?" Scotty called out successfully silencing the room.

McCoy and Uhura looked down in shame and embarrassment of their abrasive behavior. They both took a seat away from each other. Sulu visibly relaxed as he sat back down relieved the crisis was averted for the most part. Chekov looked up at Scotty gratefully earning a smile from the acting captain. Scotty patted the science officer's arm supportively before motioning her to continue the briefing. She waited a moment and glanced around the room anxiously, but nodded before continuing.

"The process that happened to the captain and commander is not harmful to their mental or physical state. From our calculations they both should return to their proper age and state of mind within three months. However, in that duration the captain and commander will age in jumps until they return to their proper age." The science officer explained while keeping her eyes focused on the datapad in front of her.

"So you're saying that this thing is temporary, and they'll rapidly age in blocks until they're back to normal?" McCoy questioned slowly trying to process the bizarre information.

"That is correct," the officer affirmed giving the whole room pause.

"Will they remember their time aging?" Sulu asked catching the room's attention once more.

"Unlikely, but we cannot be sure until their first age jump," the officer answered while checking the data.

"Thank you. Dismissed," Scotty said before turning to the bridge crew with a weary expression.

"This is insane," Uhura mumbled in disbelief.

"What else is new?" McCoy grumbled while running a hand through his hair.

"Let's just keep it together everyone. Jimbo and Spock would want nothing less," Scotty announced earning a few nods of agreement.

"Acting Captain." The communicator on the table beeped.

"Yes?" Scotty questioned while pressing the speaker button.

"There's been a slight complication."

"Dammit!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Hope you liked it! Let me know what you thought!


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer** : I don't own anything, and mean no disrespect to the characters or actors who portray them.

While everyone was at the briefing both Jim and Spock collapsed and went into shock. Currently they were in a comatose state in medbay under Bones' careful watch. Apparently one moment they were being escorted back to Spock's room and the next they were on the floor convulsing. Scared everyone in the hall half to death at the sight. Bones couldn't help but feel guilty for being grateful that he was spared the scene.

That wasn't the only thing that changed. No longer was Jim the cute little toddler with bright blonde hair and blue eyes. Now he was a young boy roughly around the age of eight years old. A five year jump. Which means Spock must be ten years old if they had the same age jump. Spock looked practically the same as he did when he was five, but more stretched out and even more severe looking. According to Bones' readings the age jump put their bodies under duress. They were stabilized now, but Bones was anxious about their next jump. He wasn't sure if their bodies would be able to handle the stress from multiple time jumps.

Bones wished their age was the only thing different about them. Although they were stabilized they were not unharmed. A more thorough examination of Jim confirmed that he was regularly abused. Bones nearly downed a bottle of Jack when he saw the results. How could someone hurt Jim? Who would do such a thing to Jim? Sure he was arrogant and obnoxious, but he had the biggest heart and cared so deeply for others. Bones was afraid that Jim cared so much about others and their happiness now because no one cared about Jim's when he was child. Bones couldn't help but think about his little Joanna. He could never imagine laying a hand on her.

Jim was still a pretty small for his age. Had the same bright blonde hair, but it was a bit shorter now. His skin had a golden tan most likely from running around cornfields Bones figured. Everything about him screamed healthy young all American boy. Everything but the severe bruising all down his back. Bones was horrified when he realized he had to run a rape kit on his best friend. So many secrets Jim spilled to Bones over too much booze, but never once did he mention this. Never did he give off the abused vibes. The results came back negative for rape, but that didn't lessen his rage. Bones wanted to track down this Frank character he looked up in Jim's file and take him down. Poison him with something that was slow, painful, and untraceable.

Spock stretched out from his five year old self. Bones still got the feeling due to his human genetics Spock was smaller than the full Vulcan boys his age. Spock was also bruised a bit. Bones didn't suspect abuse, at least not from Spock's father or mother. What little Bones knew about Spock's parents was that his mother was very loving and his father while not as compassionate never laid a hand on Spock. Bones assumed kids around Spock's current age were at fault for the marks. Spock had a black eye which was actually a yellowish green due to Spock's blood being green instead of red. He also had a split lip that looked pretty recent.

Bones being the ship's CMO had seen Spock and Jim hurt before. They were always in medbay because of some reason or another. It was like one of them had to get hurt on an away mission no matter how mundane the mission was supposed to be. Bones was convinced they did it to spite him. No normal person could get into that much trouble without putting at least some effort into it.

The ironic thing was that normally it was because of each other. Something happened to Jim so Spock has to risk his life to save him. The ongoing excuse was that it was Spock's job at commander to protect the captain, but no one had believed that excuse in months. Then Spock would get in trouble so Jim would risk his life to save him. Jim would risk his life for any crewmember, but there was something about Spock that really fired Jim up.

The point is that seeing the two hurt wasn't new to Bones, but seeing them injured as children was something different altogether. It was so much worse. It made Bones feel helpless. Helpless that he couldn't save them from all their demons. Then again just like in everything else the two had each other to share the burden. Both knowing what it was like to be bullied, abused, and out casted. From what Bones could gather now neither of them had much of a childhood. No wonder why they were such controlling alpha males now.

Everyone saw them as complete and utter opposites, but Bones knew that they were cut from the same cloth. Both of them were nomads with an explorer's spirit and warrior's heart. Never having had a home on their world so they sought out to find it in space. Both had a genius intellect that often left anyone who overheard their conversations wondering what the two were even discussing. Jim was a rebellious captain who bended the regulations as far as he could. Spock was a rule follower who made sure his captain never broke them. Jim was driven by instinct while Spock feared his. Bones was aware that Vulcan was a planet of warriors dictated by their instinctual emotions. Harboring under the surface of the brilliant pacifist was a warrior with the strength of three men and an unbreakable will. They could learn so much from each other if only they didn't have the same damn pride.

Others thought that they were opposites attracting like magnets. Bones believed that they were a single soul torn apart. After years of pain, hardship, growth, and searching they finally found each other. A quote from a novel written centuries ago fitted them perfectly. _"Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same."_  Bones thought it was fitting that the quote then encompassed the two came fromWuthering Heights. Everything would be easier if the two stubborn men just admitted that they were at least friends. Bones was surprised Jim didn't go around bragging that he befriended a Vulcan. Jim remained completely quiet on the parameters of his relationship with Spock. Spock was always stoic when it came to most things, but if someone so much as brought up Jim it was like Delta Vega ten times over. Those two were complex on their own it was no surprise that their relationship would be just as complicated.

Bones was running a tricorder over Spock when his dark brown eyes flittered open. Bones stopped stunned at the blank expression on Spock's face. This wasn't the Spock he knew from earlier. It wasn't even the Spock he was congenial colleagues with. This young Spock didn't look like he had an ounce of emotion in him. Even his normally expressive eyes were dull and detached. It was chilling.

"Where am I?" Spock questioned while slowly rising to sit up. "You are familiar. Have we met before?"

Bones ran a hand through his hair wondering what he was going to do with him. Spock didn't remember his time as a five years old. All that bonding with the crew completely gone. What a shame. A damn shame. Bones cleared his throat trying to stall so he could figure out what to say. He was a doctor dammit! He didn't know how to handle situations like this. He never heard of someone being de-aged.

"My name is Dr. McCoy. You are on the USS Enterprise. Can you tell me your name and age?" McCoy asked while studying the young half Vulcan's vitals. Everything looked normal. At least for a hobglobin.

"I am S'chn T'gai Spock. I am ten earth years," Spock answered while looking around the medbay with a disconnected expression. The same face Bones has seen on every Vulcan he had ever met minus the one in front of him. Well, at least until now.

"What do you remember?" Bones asked while glancing over at Jim to make sure he was fine. Spock followed the doctor's line of sight and tilted his head interested to see a young human boy stationed next to him.

"I was on Vulcan with my father S'chn T'gai Sarek. We were mediating. That is all I remember. Why am I here?" Spock questioned while turning his attention back to the doctor.

"You've had an accident. You are under the Enterpise's care for the time being," Bones deflected earning an unimpressed look from Spock. Well, at least that didn't change.

"I wish to speak with my father," Spock persisted. "Where is my mother?"

"Spock, I—"

Bones stopped short when he heard a quiet groan from the bed next to Spock's. Jim. Bones hurried to Jim's side and ran a tricorder over the young boy. His vitals were stable, but it must have been the bruising that caused him pain. A flare of white hot anger ran through Bones, but he simmered down not wanting to scare the boys. Jim groaned one more time before opening those bright blue eyes of his. Unlike Spock's somber eyes that held no emotion Jim's eyes were overflowing with it. Confusion, curiosity, mischief, paranoia, deviance, and a hint of fear.

"Where am I? Who are you?" Jim demanded while curling into himself defensively. Bones' heart clenched painfully at sight of his best friend so scared and distrustful.

"I'm Dr. McCoy," Bones gently assured his young friend. Oh how he wished Jim would remember him. "You're aboard the USS Enterprise. Can you tell me your name and age?"

"My name is James T. Kirk and I'm eight years old," Jim declared puffing out his chest proudly. Bones held back a snicker at the sight. Some things never change.

"What is the last thing you remember James?" Bones asked making sure to use Jim's full name instead of his usual nickname. He didn't want to set the young boy further on edge.

"Uh…I was…I…" Jim stumbled over the answer before something remarkable and equally horrible happened. His face lit up in a false smile that never reached his eyes that appeared more grey than blue now. "I probably just fell in the barn or something. I'm always getting bumps and bruises. Mom says it's because I'm a boy." Jim lied through his teeth making Bones throat tighten. His friend, his little brother, made up lies about his abuse.

"You are a liar," Spock stated from his bed causing Jim to bristle angrily.

"I don't know what you're talking about. Back off jerk," Jim threatened through gritted teeth. Ever the hothead.

"Your perspiration increase along with an accelerated heart rate. You are lying," Spock repeated unaffected by Jim's threat.

"Look leave me alone! We're not friends," Jim snapped while glaring at the half Vulcan in the bed next to his.

"Of course not. Friends are unnecessary burdens," Spock replied evenly catching Bones' attention. Burdens? Jeez, Bones didn't know what kid was more messed up.

"Listen up children. You'll be under my care along with a few other Enterprise officers. I'm going to keep you here overnight for observations," Bones cut in before they could get into a verbal argument. He had witnessed more than enough to know they should be avoided at all cost.

"Where is my mother?" Spock questioned making Bones tense against his will. He knew how to answer him, but didn't enjoy lying to his friend. Necessary or not.

"Out of transmission range unfortunately," Bones said with a heavy heart. He didn't know much about Spock's parents, but he knew that Spock loved his mother dearly.

"Why are we on the Enterprise?" Jim asked while looking at Bones suspiciously. Bones had to pause to come up with an answer to that one.

"Exploration assignment gone awry," Bones lied again getting tired of the taste of it in his mouth. "Excuse me…and behave," Bones warned before heading out to update the others on how the two senior officers were doing.

"He is lying," Spock commented putting together the doctor's odd body language. He was a much worse liar than the small human boy next to Spock.

"Oh shut up," Jim groaned while pulling the wires off of himself.

"What are you doing?" Spock questioned slightly alarmed at the human's actions. He should not be doing that.

"I'm getting out of here," Jim declared confidently before jumping off the bed. He stumbled slightly, but caught himself on Spock's bed. Jim looked up at the young alien staring at him, and smirked with his signature devil may care confidence. "Are you coming with me pointy?"

"Pointy? Is that a derogatory reference—?"

"Oh come on! Let's get going before someone comes," Jim impatiently interrupted before taking off down the hall.

Spock watched him go pondering whether he should follow or stay as instructed. He deliberated this for .5 seconds before chasing after the reckless human boy. Fortunately he was faster than a human so he caught up easily enough. A few times he thought he lost the boy, but then Spock discovered what trail to follow. The boy smelled spicy like cinnamon but also like desert rain, and Spock realized that his scent was all over the human boy. It was strange considering Spock couldn't remember him.

"So you decided to come," Jim whispered while turning to Spock with a smug grin. Spock deduced from that look that the boy knew Spock would follow. How he knew Spock wasn't sure.

"Have we met before?" Spock asked while studying the boy curiously. The boy was very familiar, and Spock had the strange feeling that he should know this boy. This boy was very special to him.

"I don't think so, but…I feel like we have. I'm Jim," Jim introduced while holding out his hand to alien boy in front of him. Spock turned a deep green and looked at the hand wide eyed.

"Jim," Spock murmured suddenly growing shy. "I am Spock." He brushed his fingertips nervously against the human boy's. In Spock's culture that would be equivalent to a friendly and chaste kiss.

"Um…cool," Jim replied not knowing how to take his new partner in crime's strange behavior. "Follow me," Jim ordered already brushing off the oddity as a quirk Spock had.

"Where are we going?" Spock asked while closely trailing behind his new acquaintance. Friends are after all an unnecessary burden.

"I don't know. I guess we'll find out when we get there," Jim answered with a wicked grin and mischievous glint in his too blue eyes. Spock came to the conclusion that this human was clearly insane.

"There is no logic in wandering around without a destination," Spock declared making the human stop in his tracks so fast Spock nearly bumped into him.

"Spock, haven't you got any sense of adventure? Wandering without direction or destination is called exploring," Jim explained while turning to his alien companion.

"Your logic is sound," Spock replied after another moment's deliberation. This human made Spock question just about every belief Spock had.

"Of course it is!" Jim exclaimed confidently before grabbing Spock's hand. Spock's face grew hot as he resembled a lime.

They took off running down the hall. Jim was surprisingly fit and quick thinking, but Spock had to come to the rescue with his super hearing. Spock studied the human pulling him fully aware this behavior was unbecoming of a Vulcan. He could hear his father's disapproving in his head, but Spock couldn't find the will to care very much. He was having…fun. Jim was like a ball of fire. Bright, dangerous, and uncontainable. Spock enjoyed the thrill of being with the human even if it would only admit it in the privacy of his own mind.

Jim glanced over his shoulder at the unique and interesting alien boy behind him. He grinned widely intrigued by the green hue Spock turned. Even though Jim was used to being alone and entertaining himself he was secretly glad to have someone to play with. Spock was a little stiff and talked funny, but Jim always had a favoritism for odd people. He hoped one day that he would be surrounded by people who are brilliant, adventurous, and strange.

"Jim, someone is coming," Spock whispered causing Jim to stop and rapidly look for a place to hide. No doubt by now people were searching for them.

"This way," Jim mumbled while taking off down a hall towards engineering. If the Enterprise was like every other Starfleet ship then they could seek shelter in the Jeffrey tubes.

The two boys narrowly avoided detection long enough to make it to their hiding spot. The space was snug, but being two little kids they fit right in. Spock was uncomfortable with the cramped spacing because whichever way he moved he brushed Jim somehow. Jim, on the other hand, seemed perfectly content with chilling there for a while. To be honest Jim was more than content with it. He wouldn't consider himself starved for touch, but it was nice when the touch felt so pleasant. Spock was warm and smooth. Gentle even.

"They will eventually find us," Spock announced while awkwardly turning to face Jim.

Jim shifted causing Spock to squirm against his Vulcan control. Jim altered their positions so his back was against one wall, and Spock's back was against the other. The sides of their legs were pressed up against each other. If Spock tried he could read the emotions off of Jim because of the thin medical fabric. Spock, as much as he wanted to, refrained from invading the unsuspecting boy's privacy.

"So…how did you get that busted lip?" Jim pried unable to contain his nosiness any longer. Jim marveled in the way Spock instantly tensed and tried to move away from him.

"I do not wish to discuss it," Spock answered curtly.

"I got this from a beer bottle," Jim mumbled while hiking up one of his pant legs to reveal a jagged scar. Spock's eyes widened as he saw the mark stretching from ankle to mid-calf.

"What happened?" Spock immediately asked despite his attempts to keep his curiosity under control.

"Well…it hit me," Jim dumbly explained while going to push his pant leg back down. Spock stopped him by tracing the jagged scar with a single finger. Fascination and concern shone bright in his once emotionless eyes.

"I am sorry to hear that it…hit you," Spock whispered while tracing the mark once more before removing his hand away.

Spock sensed bits and pieces of what really happened to Jim through the small touch. Spock felt a fury hotter than Vulcan's sun at the thought of someone hurting Jim. Spock was a stranger to him, but there was a light about Jim that shouldn't be dimmed. Spock would be very upset to see it go, and wouldn't think twice about avenging Jim. This thought took Spock completely by surprise. He didn't know the human boy. He shouldn't feel a connection this strong with him.

"Yeah, well stuff happens," Jim muttered through an embarrassed blush. He didn't want to acknowledge the butterflies in his stomach. He must be hungry or something. It had nothing to do with Spock. "So are you going to tell me who split your lip?"

"It was a classmate of mine," Spock said remembering the occurrence. "He was trying to goad me into becoming emotionally compromised."

"Sounds like a dick," Jim retorted while crossing his arms. He didn't like the idea of someone messing with Spock. Spock was…interesting. He wasn't boring like the other kids.

"I do not understand how he resembles male genitalia," Spock confessed while looking at Jim bewildered.

Jim burst out laughing gripping his sides as he continued giggling. Spock stared at him unable to understand what caused Jim to laugh in such a way. However, Spock could not bring himself to ask the human boy what caused his emotional outburst. Spock simply enjoyed it, and couldn't stop the upward twitch of his lips at the sight. Jim's mouth was wide open revealing his white teeth and his eyes were closed in amused pleasure. It was a sight of unrestrained joy and Spock felt warmed at the fact that he caused Jim to feel this way.

"You're a riot Spock," Jim gasped out between chuckles. "I think we're going to be great friends."

"I…agree Jim," Spock murmured shyly as Jim looked at him with those big blue eyes of his. Spock had never seen a human with such eye color. Darker than the sky, but brighter than the ocean.

"Found you two!"

"Uh oh," Jim mumbled before grabbing Spock's hand and taking off down the tubes.

"Dammit! I'm a doctor not a zoo keeper!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Hope you liked it! Let me know what you thought!


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer** : I don't own anything, and mean no disrespect to the characters or actors who portray them.

"Ugh, I can't believe we got busted," Jim whined while leaning against the door separating Spock and him.

Apparently they're not allowed to see each other because it only caused trouble. Jim could get in plenty of trouble on his own if he wanted. He did feel bad about dragging Spock down with him though. Jim tried to take all the blame, but Spock wouldn't have any of it claiming that he followed Jim willingly. Dr. McCoy got a strange exasperated look on his face like he heard their excuses before. So fair enough to say they both got grounded. Lame.

"I explicitly told you we were going to be detected if we stayed," Spock countered his voice only slightly muffled by the door between them.

They both got two huge rooms. One for the each of them. There was even a door conjoining them, but it was locked so they couldn't get into trouble. The door didn't stop them from talking to each other though. A whole room to themselves, but the two glued themselves to the door not wanting to be even farther from each other. Neither of the two boys could explain why they felt the need to be so close to one another. They just did.

"Yeah, well it was fun while it lasted," Jim expressed while sliding down the door. He gently knocked his head against the door wishing it wasn't there.

"It was a… fascinating experience," Spock relented while sitting against his side of the door. He knew logically he couldn't feel the human through the door so he couldn't explain why his temperature rose.

"I can't believe they actually grounded us though," Jim chuckled in disbelief.

"It is curious that they have not alerted our parents," Spock commented.

Jim grew quiet thinking about Winona stationed somewhere in the Delta quadrant. Probably out of transmission range. Not that it would matter. She wouldn't have cared anyways. Frank. Jim shivered at the thought of Frank finding out about his shenanigans up here. His backside was already sore at the mere thought of it. Yeah, Jim was grateful none of the officers contacted his legal guardians.

"Jim, are you alright?" Spock questioned when his new friend didn't say anything after a few more minutes of silence.

"Yeah, I was just thinking. Sometimes I get lost in my head," Jim answered distractedly.

"I share the sentiment," Spock seconded before another silence fell on the two. Spock was tempted to move to explore the room, but decided to stay by Jim's side regardless of the silence.

"Spock…what are your parents like?" Jim eventually asked taking Spock momentarily by surprise. Spock explained the differences between his planet and culture compared to earth, but didn't go into detail about his family.

"My mother…she is human," Spock whispered almost too quietly for Jim to hear.

"You're half human?" Jim asked astounded unknowingly making Spock look down fearing he had lost his friend because of his half breed status. "That is so cool Spock!" Jim exclaimed making Spock look up shocked.

Never before was his genetics considered anything but a disadvantage. Spock stared at the wall in front of him unable to find the words to say. His throat felt unusually scratchy and tight while his eyes stung unfamiliarly. Spock shakily touched the corner of his eye and was startled to find it wet. Tears. He was crying. He had not cried since he was a young infant. A chocked sob escaped his throat before he could stop it.

"Spock! Are you okay?" Jim called out alarmed at the sound of his friend in duress. He got onto his knees facing the door and put his hands on the cool metal wishing he could comfort Spock. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to upset you."

"I am not upset Jim," Spock said while trying to get his control back in order. A day with the passionate human boy had severely frayed his control.

"Are you sure?" Jim weakly asked while patting the door unsure.

"I am. Thank you. It is just that…no one has ever accepted me as you have," Spock confessed embarrassed of his sensitive state.

"I'm not going anywhere Spock," Jim promised fervently. Jim wasn't sure and he could be completely wrong, but he just had a feeling Spock's hand was pressed against his. On the other side of the door of course, but against Jim's nonetheless.

"Her name is Amanda. She is my human mother. She is very much like yourself. Warm, brilliant, and very passionate. She enjoys reading human literature and baking numerous pastries. She is not treated well on my planet, but stays regardless. Even with the prejudice against her she finds a reason to smile," Spock whispered his voice growing stronger with each word. Jim smiled listening to his friend describe his mom.

"You sound like you really love her," Jim commented while leaning his head against the door.

"I do. She does not know," Spock replied a bit solemnly. A small thump revealed that Spock was also leaning his head against the door. Their hands still touching without actually touching.

"She does," Jim assured his friend.

"How? I do not tell her as such," Spock said unsure if Jim was just trying to make him feel better.

"Some things don't have to be said aloud. Some things are felt, seen, and experienced. She knows Spock," Jim explained with a small perceptive smile.

"You are very insightful for a human so young," Spock lightheartedly commented making Jim laugh.

"You are very naïve for someone who's supposed to be so smart," Jim teased back making Spock smile. A small upturn of his lips barely noticeable, but a smile nonetheless.

"What is your mother like?" Spock asked after Jim was finished laughing.

"I…I don't know," Jim mumbled dropping his hand from the door. Spock didn't know how, but he could sense the absence of it.

"I am sorry. I have overstepped my boundaries," Spock quickly tried to apologize not wanting to upset his friend.

"No, it's not your fault. It's just Winona isn't really around much. She's always off planet. She's in Starfleet," Jim explained trying not get choked up.

"Jim…" Spock whispered unsure of what to say. He was not good at dealing with emotions, but for once he wished he was.

"I had a brother too, but he ran away from home when I was six," Jim quietly continued. Spock felt his side clench. The spot where his heart was beating. "My dad, my real dad, died when I was born. Spock…why does everyone leave me?"

"Jim, I cannot answer for them," Spock said his voice soft but firm. "But I can promise that I will never leave you."

"You can't promise that," Jim denied as tears started pouring from his eyes. He so desperately wanted to believe Spock. He wanted someone to be there for him. To love him and embrace his love.

"James, Vulcans cannot lie," Spock affirmed while pressing his forehead against the cool door.

"What about the half human part of you," Jim mumbled as he wiped his face.

"No part of me would lie to you," Spock responded wishing he could sense Jim again.

Jim remained silent, but Spock felt his presence once more. Jim leaned his forehead against Spock's through the door. Even with the physical barrier between them both had a feeling there was no barrier strong enough to keep them apart for long. Their friendship, as new as it was, was already strong.

"Thank you Spock," Jim whispered weakly.

"Always Jim," Spock promised.

**-KS-KS-KS-KS-KS-**

Bones walked into Jim's room a few hours later to check up on the tiny terror. He didn't know why he was surprised to find out that Jim was a troublemaker even at a young age. Bones looked around the room and almost alerted security that Jim must have escaped, but then his eyes landed on Jim. Bones' stare softened considerably when he saw Jim leaning against the door to Spock's room. The boy was fast asleep.

Bones quietly tip toed over, and bent down to pick up the small boy. Jim grumbled incoherently, but didn't wake up much to Bones' relief. He headed over to the bed, and carefully tucked Jim in. Jim immediately curled into himself snuggling deeper into the covers. Bones looked at his best friend sleeping, and smiled while gently running his fingers through his hair. Bones took a deep breath as he remembered doing the exact same thing for his baby girl Joanna.

"Goodnight infant," Bones whispered fondly before turning down the lights and leaving the captain's room.

**-KS-KS-KS-KS-KS-**

Uhura chimed Spock's bell, but there was no response. After a few more times she took the liberty and walked inside. She was astonished earlier when Bones, who took up as the boys' temporary guardian, told her that he grounded Spock. When she asked why she wondered why she was so surprised when it was obvious Kirk was involved. He had a talent for getting Spock in and out of trouble. Yet for some reason beyond logic Spock kept going back. Uhura was convinced that Spock was an addict, and Kirk was his drug of choice.

Uhura looked around the Spartan room searching for Spock. She was worried she was going to have to call Bones and tell him that Spock left his room. She turned back towards the door, but then stopped when something caught her eye. She smiled warmly at the sight of Spock meditating with his back pressed against the door adjoining his room with Kirk's. Those two really are something. Melancholy tugged at her heart, but she pushed it down. It was obvious that those two were meant to be. Even without any memory of each other de-aged Spock and Kirk were thick as thieves.

"I am not familiar with you." Spock commented while coming out of his meditative trance.

"No, I suppose you wouldn't be," Uhura replied sadly.

"I am Spock, and you are?" Spock asked while gracefully rising to his feet.

"I'm just a friend."

**-KS-KS-KS-KS-KS-**

It had been a week with the boys at their age. After speaking with Uhura Bones caved and ungrounded them. It was only a second later when he was regretting that decision. Bones never thought Jim could be more reckless and wild than how he was when they first met. Bones was wrong. Jim, even as a child, was a daredevil when it came to everything. Thank the heavens for Spock who was always there to make sure Jim didn't accidentally hurt anyone or end up getting himself killed. Yep, it was just like normal.

The alpha crew had a great time of reacquainting themselves with their de-aged superior officers. Scotty and Sulu were Jim's favorites. Scotty because he was the only one who let Jim run wild around engineering. Jim really liked Scotty because he could sense that Scotty was crazy like him. Plus Scotty let him play around with tools and build things. Jim was a bright kid even though he dumbed himself down. Better people underestimate you and be surprised when you prove them wrong. Jim liked Sulu for similar reasons. Sulu didn't treat Jim like some dumb kid. He showed him how to pilot the Enterprise. Sulu even believed him when Jim said he was going to be a captain one day. Sulu also taught him some martial arts and moves with his katana. Well, at least until Bones, as now Jim was calling him, caught them and nearly blew his top.

Spock explicitly told Jim that he held no favoritism when it came to the crew, but finally confessed to enjoying Chekov and Uhura's company. Chekov often spoke to Spock about physics and mathematics. Spock felt like his mind was becoming idle, and Chekov was a stimulating companion in those aspects. Being a young genius himself Chekov understood Spock's frustration, though he would never admit it, when it came to what people thought Spock could and couldn't do. Chekov had training in engineering so he often allowed Spock to work on some minor repairs and projects. Spock enjoyed these trips even more because Jim often hung around engineering for more nefarious purposes.

Uhura was fascinating to Spock. She was a linguist, and Spock always had an interest in other species' languages. He was pleasantly surprised when she spoke to him in his native tongue. Frequently now they would hold conversations in Vulcan, but she had been teaching him the basics of other species as well. She was logical and had a tight grip with her emotions which was admirable. However, there were moments where Spock would catch her staring at him with a faraway look. As if seeing someone else when she saw him. He commented on it one time, and she refused to see him for the rest of the day. She was complex and fascinating, but very human. He had almost forgotten.

**-KS-KS-KS-KS-KS-**

"Spock…um… _tonk'peh_ ," Jim said stumbling slightly over the pronunciation. Spock's right eyebrow slightly raised showing his surprise.

"Hello Jim. I did not know you spoke Vulcan," Spock replied impressed with his young friend. Vulcan was not an easy language to learn.

"I don't. Uhura was teaching me the basics. I thought it would be cool if we could talk in Vulcan to each other," Jim explained with a nonchalant shrug of his shoulders.

"We both already speak standard. Why would you try to learn another language to speak to a single person?" Spock asked while tilting his head slightly to side confused.

"Never mind. You're right. It was a stupid idea," Jim said with a bright smile. Spock tensed recognizing that smile to be false. Spock has unknowingly committed a social blunder he was not aware of.

"Jim—"

"I have to go. I was going to meet with Bones for a game," Jim interrupted while rising from his seat by Spock.

Before Spock could stop him Jim was across the rec room. Spock stared broodingly as Jim sat across from Dr. McCoy. Spock got a sick feeling in his stomach as he watched Jim and the doctor play some card game. Jim normally played chess with Spock. He was only person on the ship who offered Spock a challenging game. Jim was impulsive and wild in his game play, but always thought three moves ahead. Spock thoroughly enjoyed their daily games. However, it looks like Jim would rather seek the doctor's company than Spock's.

" _Ha'tha ti'lu_."

Spock tore his gaze away from Jim and his apparent new best friend, and looked up to find Uhura standing there with a small smile. It Spock a moment to register what Uhura said to him. She spoke in his native tongue. Normally it pleased Spock, but now it made him feel unwell.

"Greetings Uhura," Spock greeted piquing Uhura's interest. Spock always spoke to her in Vulcan.

"Is something the matter Spock?" Uhura politely inquired while taking a seat across from him.

"It has come to my attention that Jim has been learning Vulcan." Spock answered vaguely which only further confused the normally perceptive woman.

"Yes, he asked me to teach him a few things," Uhura confirmed wondering why Spock didn't look more pleased at the prospect.

"Why would he do that?" Spock questioned confused, and finally Uhura understood. She glanced around the room until she found Kirk playing poker with McCoy.

"Because he knows it's important to you. Jim wanted to do something special for you Spock," Uhura patiently explained.

"Why would he go through the trouble?" Spock persisted making the smile on Uhura's face fall into a thoughtful frown.

"Because you're special to him. You're his best friend Spock," Uhura answered. There was so much more to say, but they were too young and it was not the right time.

"He seems to have found favor with someone else," Spock commented with an uninterested expression. Uhura could hear the jealousy laced in the indifference even though Spock tried to hide it.

"How about we play a game of chess to clear your head?" Uhura requested knowing that Jim would get jealous if he were to look over and see Uhura and Spock playing a game the two young boys play together. Maybe then the two boy would quit being so stubborn.

"I would be amicable to that," Spock naively agreed before motioning her to go first.

Jim reached out to grab a card when his eyes landed on Uhura and Spock playing chess. His small body tensed catching Bones by surprise. The doctor followed Jim's gaze, and he too froze at the sight. What the hell was that girl thinking? Everyone knew that chess was Jim and Spock's game. Even before this who de-aged fiasco the two would play chess at least three times a week. By the fiery look in Jim's eye Uhura was treading on thin ice.

"Jim?" Bones prompted his young friend hoping to snap him back to reality. Jim's eyes were bright and his small jaw was set. He was plotting. Not good.

"I don't feel well," Jim declared while standing up. Bones opened his mouth to protest but the little troublemaker was already halfway to the pair.

"Jim," Spock said looking up from his move surprised to find Jim standing in front of him. Uhura remained quiet, but carefully watched the pair. It seemed like all eyes were on the two close friends.

" _Bath'paik_ ," Jim snapped before knocking over Spock's king. Uhura's jaw went slack as Spock rose to his feet trying to control his anger and hurt.

"Jim!" Uhura scolded while wondering where Jim learned that kind of language because it wasn't from her.

" _Ikap'uh t'du ru'lut_ ," Spock seethed while narrowing his eyes at Jim.

"Spock!" Uhura exclaimed shocked at Spock's behavior. She would expect it from Jim, but not Spock too.

"Dvun'uh!" Jim shouted before shoving Spock back. Only because he was caught off guard did Spock stumble back.

"Enough!" Bones boomed making the whole room fall silent. He sent a pointed disappointed look at Uhura before taking Jim by the arm and leading him away to cool down.

"Spock—"

"Fa-wak shroi ri nash-veh nemut zhitlar. You have caused Jim to hate me. I have lost my best friend." Spock snapped before storming out of the room leaving behind a hurt Uhura.

"I was only trying to help," Uhura mumbled weakly to no one in particular.

**Translations** :

**_Tonk'peh_** \- Hello/greetings

**_Ha'tha ti'lu_** \- Hi/hello

**_Bath'paik_** \- Damn you

**_Ikap'uh t'du ru'lut_** \- Shut your mouth

**_Dvun'uh_** \- Move

**_Fa-wak shroi ri nash-veh nemut zhitlar_** \- I will not listen to the words of my enemy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Hope you liked it! Let me know what you thought!


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer** : I don't own anything, and mean no disrespect to the characters or actors who portray them.

 

It had been three excruciatingly long days since Kirk and Spock had fought in the rec room. The captain and commander were very different people that often had opposing ideas which led them to butting heads most of the time. The crew wasn't entirely unused to the two fighting, but what happened in the rec room was completely unexpected. Never before had Kirk ever made such a scene about his displeasure of the situation at hand. Spock, with his Vulcan cool, never rose to the challenge that was James T. Kirk. The crew understood that their captain and commander were children at the time, but it didn't make it any less shocking.

To make matters worse McCoy and Uhura also have not been talking since the spectacle. As much as McCoy tried not to he couldn't help but blame Uhura for the fight. Uhura defended herself with tooth and nail claiming that it would all work itself out. Both too stubborn to back down from each other, and unbelievably loyal to their companion. McCoy was doing his best to cheer up Kirk but to no avail. Uhura tried her best to talk to Spock, but he refused to see anyone.

Both Kirk and Spock sought out different activities to occupy themselves. Spock buried himself into his studies, and when he wasn't reading he was meditating. Rarely did he leave his room now. It was disconcerting to the crew, but at least they knew he was safe. Kirk, like always, was another story altogether. Kirk was rarely in his room, and instead spent his days causing mayhem and acting out. On more than one occasion McCoy swore he was going to wring the little brat's neck. Kirk insisted on climbing around engineering or messing around in the hologram room. Yes, both boys reacted to the fight by ignoring it all together. McCoy often wondered how either made it this far in life.

It was on the fourth day when the silence between the two former friends was broken. McCoy really wished it was because of some mature reason, but of course it was because, just like usual, Kirk got hurt.

**-KS-KS-KS-KS-KS-**

"Furthermore, I believe that you should be more responsible when it comes to your actions in the future. It is unwise for any being, especially one of your age and species, to hang from engineering pipes. Your hypothesis on whether you would be detected as you ascended the pipes served no purpose other than entertaining yourself. You are fortunate that your fall did not end your life, and only caused you a sprained wrist and a few minor contusions." Spock continued to lecture even though Jim had stopped listening ten minutes ago.

"Oh, I didn't think you would care," Jim replied childishly when Spock finally stopped talking. Spock resisted the very human urge to sigh at Jim's juvenile response.

"A sentient being's optimal chance at maximizing their utility is a long and prosperous life." Spock stated making Jim roll his eyes with an exasperated groan.

"Why are you even here?" Jim asked while looking at Spock with an annoyed expression. "Who even told you what happened?"

"Dr. McCoy thought it would be wise to inform me of your accident," Spock answered purposefully leaving out why he was there. The truth was the he missed his former friend, and was worried about him. Spock, despite McCoy's assurance that Jim was fine, needed to see for himself.

"Traitor," Jim muttered under his breath as he fell back against the over fluffed pillows.

Both boys remained silent mulling over the past three days without each other. Despite having known each other only for a little less than two weeks they were extremely close. Well, they would have been if they didn't get into that fight. Neither boy was willing to admit that they were slowly going crazy without the other. At least not out loud. In the privacy of their own minds, however, they weren't afraid to admit how ridiculous the fight had been. All this grief over a misunderstanding on both ends.

"Jim…I am gratified to know that you are well," Spock hesitantly commented catching Jim by surprise. Jim was a proud person, but he had nothing on Spock who took it to the extreme. He never expected that Spock would be the first one to mend their friendship.

"Are you leaving?" Jim nervously questioned hating how needy his voice sounded. He didn't want Spock to leave Jim alone even though they were on rocky terms at the moment. Everyone always left him.

"I did not believe you wanted me to stay." Spock replied doing his best to mask the longing and hurt with indifference. Spock was…concerned…about Jim, and wanted to make sure he was well. After doing so Spock fully anticipated to leave because of the adverse turn Jim and his relationship had taken. No one ever wanted him around.

"How…how about a game of chess?" Jim quietly asked while looking down not wanting to see the stoic expression on his former friend's face. Because of this Jim missed the temporary surprise and relief flash across the half Vulcan's face.

"I would…like that very much…Jim," Spock answered stumbling over his words as he tried to contain his enthusiasm. Spock would like nothing more than to spend his time at Jim's side playing their game together.

McCoy watched from his office the two boys play round after round of chess. Once again peace was restored to the USS Enterprise. It was about time dammit!

**-KS-KS-KS-KS-KS-**

It was two days later when the boys found themselves in the observation deck looking out at the stars. Every so often Spock would sprout out a random statistic about a comet or planetoid they would see. Kirk would nod his head showing that he was in fact listening to Spock. Other than those moments the two remained quiet content with enjoying the view with each other. Stars meant so much to the two boys, but neither realized that stars meant the same thing for the other. Escape.

"One day I'm going to join Starfleet and be captain of my own ship," Jim announced with complete confidence. Spock studied his friend deliberating what to say.

"I too share an interest in Starfleet. I, however, have no interest in command. I prefer science and research," Spock shared making Jim grin widely.

"We should join together!" Jim exclaimed while scrambling to his feet. "I would be the captain and you could be my science officer!"

"Jim, the chances of us getting assigned to same ship—"

"Spock, I have a gut feeling that we'll serve together one day! Don't you feel it?" Jim interrupted while looking down at Spock who was still seated on the floor.

"I…it is highly illogical, but…I share your sentiment," Spock responded making Jim cheer excitedly.

"Let's go tell Bones! I think he's in the cafeteria now," Jim urged while motioning Spock to follow him.

Jim was racing out of the room before Spock could even finish standing. In the solitude of the observation deck Spock allowed himself a small sigh. Jim was always heading in a million different directions at once. It would take a very patient person to be friends with him. Spock being Vulcan considered himself patient, but there was another person that Jim attracted as friends. Crazy. Spock often meditated on whether he fit into this category as well.

Spock took after his friend knowing he would catch up with Jim because of his superior speed. As Spock rounded another corner he caught sight of Jim. Picking up the pace Spock was able to run alongside Jim within a few seconds. Jim glanced over and grinned widely his bright blue eyes practically glowing. Spock felt a strange fuzzy feeling in his stomach whenever Jim gave him that look. Spock asked McCoy about it to make sure it was not something medically dangerous. McCoy after a peculiar unsettling silence cursed under his breath and kicked Spock out leaving him unsatisfied with his visit to medbay.

"Bones!" Jim shouted when his eyes landed on the gruff doctor drinking coffee while perusing a datapad. The doctor nearly spilt all his coffee when Jim hopped onto the table in front of him.

"Dammit! Jim get down from there! What were you raised in a barn?" Bones demanded while shooing Jim who was laughing.

"Well, now that you mention it," Jim teased making Bones resist the urge to smile at his young friend. Crazy corn fed farm boy.

"So what has you all excited?" Bones asked hoping he wouldn't regret doing so.

"Jim is convinced that one day we will serve together as captain and science officer." Spock explained while calmly sitting down across from the doctor.

McCoy looked between the two boys with an indecipherable expression. Jim stared back with a wide animated smile while Spock remained straight-faced. McCoy remembered the two before all this happened in their command gold and science blue.

Jim grew up in the shadow of his father who was one of Earth's biggest heroes. Acting out all his life Jim ran away from everything and everyone. In and out of trouble with the law. Somehow this genius level repeat offender rose above everyone's doubts and captained the crew that saved thousands of people. Jim always had the ability to bend every situation, no matter how hopeless, to his favor. He was the youngest captain in the history, and because of that was watched like a hawk by everyone. Everyone witnessed his rise to captaincy, but now they wanted to see him fall. Jim would never give them the satisfaction. So like he handled every problem he had before he smirked with a devil may care attitude and tackled it head on. His unbreakable will and determination fueled his not only his talents as a leader and strategist, but drove his compassion and desire to serve and protect. Captains come and go, but there will never be another James T. Kirk. He was an anomaly in every sense of the word.

Spock was another phenomenon that had never happened before and will never occur again. He grew as a human/Vulcan hybrid with everyone on his home planet seeing him at a disadvantage because of his human genetics. Regardless of this Spock rose higher than anyone ever expected easily surpassing his full Vulcan peers. Spock was a genius able to take in anything he learned and apply it whenever necessary. Science and math were his muses, but English, history, music, and art also fascinated him. His thirst for knowledge and appreciation for it set him further apart from his peers. Embracing his Vulcan half as whole Spock was stoic and logical, almost to a fault, but his compassion and determination rivaled even Jim's. Under the surface Spock's two halves battled neither backing down. His ability to act through that internal struggle proved that Spock was the best of both worlds. As a commander, Vulcan, human, and sentient being overall Spock could never be replaced or forgotten.

"Bones," Jim whined as he through a grape from his plate at the distracted doctor.

"Jim, do not play with your food," Spock scolded before consuming a small piece of fruit from his own plate.

"I can see you two working together in the future," Bones declared catching the two boys' attention.

"You really think so?" Jim asked his eyes lighting up with anticipation as he grabbed Spock's arm eagerly. Even Spock looked pleased by the doctor's improbable conjecture.

"In fact, I think your partnership would outlast the stars."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Hope you liked it! Let me know what you thought!


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer** : I don't own anything, and mean no disrespect to the characters or actors who portray them.

"I can't believe we got grounded again," Jim whined while leaning his head against the door to Spock's room.

"I most certainly can," Spock retorted unable to mask his annoyance. His emotional control has taken another hit thanks to his troublemaking best friend.

"Look, I'm sorry Spock," Jim apologized grateful that Spock couldn't see the smile trying to form on his face. "But it was pretty funny," he couldn't help but point out with a chuckle.

"It was not humorous Jim," Spock replied evenly but Jim could hear the levity in his tone. Spock leaned against the door keeping him from Jim, and remembered their latest incident which took place in the cafeteria.

_Jim and Spock were eating dinner while discussing the adventures the two have been on before their meeting._

_"I find it highly illogical that you would commandeer your father's car and drive it off a ravine. What if you had not made the jump and fell with the car? What if there was mechanical malfunction? Jim, I find myself wondering if you have any human self-preservation at all." Spock ranted while Jim ate his chocolate pudding amused at his friend's lecture. It was nothing new between them._

_"Well, Frank was going to sell it. It wasn't logical, but I just knew that I couldn't let him do it. It wasn't his to sell. Besides it doesn't matter because I get to go off planet! Some new colony on Tarsus 4. It's going to be so much fun," Jim explained passionately making Spock stop eating to look at his zealous friend._

_"You remind me of a pet shelat I once had—"_

_"What's a shelat?" Jim asked interrupting Spock with a confused expression._

_"It is a domesticated animal on Vulcan. It is not dissimilar to a terran teddy bear," Spock mused making Jim frown and blush embarrassed._

_"I am not a teddy bear!" He mumbled with an exaggerated pout that made Spock's deep brown eyes alight with amusement._

_"I-Chaya, also had large fangs and claws," Spock continued appeasing his egotistical friend._

_"Now that's more like it!" Jim exclaimed while proudly puffing out his chest._

_"Yes, you remind me a lot of him," Spock commented before turning back to his bowl of fruit._

_"Well, after I did get out of the car Frank picked me up at the police station. To say he was pissed would be a ginormous understatement. I thought…well, I thought it wouldn't be good for me," Jim quickly diverted causing Spock to clench his fork harder. The weak metal bending under his Vulcan strength._

_Jim had confided in Spock telling him that Frank was an abusive drunk. Spock needed an entire day of meditation to regain control of himself. He wanted to tear the throat out of the man who dared hurt his best friend. Before they had no one, but now they had each other. Jim was Spock's just as Spock was Jim's. It was not logical to become so attached to one that was not family nor a future bondmate. Yet Spock chose to put aside logic and embraced the friendship with his young human friend._

_"Hey, get out of your head," Jim teased Spock while waving his hands about. Spock noted that often Jim would use flailing hand gestures for emphasis._

_Time seemed to slow down as the pudding on Jim's spoon splashed onto Spock's face. Jim waited approximately two seconds before bursting out into uncontrollable laughter. Spock was not amused in the slightest. Calmly he took the napkin next to his bowl and cleaned the pudding off his cheek. Jim unable to resist dipped his finger into his pudding, and before Spock could stop him Jim poked Spock's nose leaving a glob of pudding behind._

_"Jim, desist your juvenile behavior," Spock ordered while rubbing the pudding from his nose._

_"You know what you Vulcans miss out on?" Jim questioned as his eyes glinted with mischief._

_"What?" Spock questioned dryly not truly interested in what Jim had to say. If he would have been watching his impish friend he would have known better than to ignore him._

_"FOOD FIGHT!" Jim yelled while grabbing a handful of pudding. He laughed maniacally before smearing the pudding all over Spock's face._

_Spock spluttered at the gooey chocolate entering his mouth, but before he could retaliate Jim was taking off for cover. In a matter of seconds what was once a peaceful dinner became an outright war of food. Spock hid under the table in hopes that he would be spared. All kinds of food was being thrown around as the cafeteria erupted in screams and laughs._

_Spock found it all highly illogical, wasteful, and disgusting. He was just about to make a break for it when his eyes landed on the blonde who started it all. Spock glanced around and saw a pile of mashed potatoes near him. Pushing back his disgust Spock got a fistful of the potatoes, and like a canon shot it at Jim. He couldn't stop the smug smile from gracing his normally expressionless face when the potatoes smashed into the side of Jim's head taking him completely by surprise. The chocolate in his system making Spock more reckless and daring._

_Jim looked around wondering who managed to get him from his hiding spot. No one looked like the culprit until he saw Spock staring right at him wearing a self-satisfied smirk. Jim chuckled vowing to get him back. He weaved in and out trying to become a harder target as he got closer to Spock's hiding spot. Jim leaned down scooping up some brown mush, and with incredibly accuracy threw it at Spock who was busy trying to steer clear of Chekov who was drenched in food. Just like Jim wanted the mush splattered against the back of Spock's head covering his hair in it. Whatever it was._

_Jim ducked down taking cover behind a trashcan, but it was too late Spock had already seen him. Both boys armed themselves with the grossest thing they could find. Almost simultaneously they stood up preparing to fire at each other, but a loud voice cut through the chaos._

_"What in the devil's going on in here?"_

_Jim and Spock slowly turned and came face to face with the livid doctor. Spock instantly dropped the sludge in his hands ashamed of his poor behavior. Jim on the other hand had on a Cheshire cat smile._

_"It is something called a food fight," Spock answered making Jim snicker._

_"Yeah, think fast Bones!" Jim shouted before chucking the mush at the doctor's face._

_Everyone in the cafeteria went dead silent and didn't move an inch as the goo went soaring. With incredible reflexes that even impressed Spock the doctor dodged the mush making Jim frown disappointed. Everyone could see the doctor's face turning a dark shade of purple. They all knew Jim and Spock were in deep trouble._

_"You both are GROUNDED!"_

"It was at least kind of funny," Jim prompted making his half Vulcan friend fight back a smile.

"It was…a fascinating experience," Spock relented. Whenever Spock relented, which he did only around Jim, Jim would count it as a win.

"Yeah, yeah it was," Jim agreed with a small smile.

**-KS-KS-KS-KS-KS-**

Two days later McCoy took the boys off restriction mainly because they looked so pathetic away from each other. It really seemed like those two were attached by the hip now. Jim normally led Spock on mini adventures around the Enterprise. Whenever they were away from each other they were with other members of the crew. Spock had forgiven Uhura for her interference, and requested her to forgive him for his emotional compromise. Jim was shadowing Scotty learning whatever he could.

For reasons Jim couldn't, but the rest of the crew could, understand he avoided the warp chamber. Spock wasn't too fond of going around there either. McCoy asked the science department about the little things Jim and Spock did that like. They came up with that Jim and Spock deep down in their subconscious remember events from before the change. Their subconscious older selves seeped into their conscious younger selves. It would explain why they both avoided the warp chamber, or how they seemed to always find their way around the ship without directions.

McCoy asked if that could be the reason why the two seemed to know each other even though they couldn't remember how. The results were inconclusive because even though the two remembered each other they had no recollection of anyone else onboard. McCoy drowned that answer under a half bottle of his favorite whiskey. It was when he was on the verge of being drunk when he figured out why the two boys become fast friends despite being somewhat strangers after each jump. It didn't matter what age or what they couldn't remember Jim and Spock were meant to be friends. It was like the universe demanded them to be together.

"Maybe next time you'll think about using safety equipment," McCoy reprimanded before shooing the engineer out. Didn't need healthy people crowding his medbay.

"Dr. McCoy," Nurse Chapel said solemnly making McCoy internally groan.

"Let me guess," McCoy wearily interjected. "There's been a slight complication."

**-KS-KS-KS-KS-KS-**

Jim and Spock's aging process took even a greater toll on them this time around. While playing chess in the rec room they simultaneously went into cardiac shock. McCoy and M'Benga were quickly on the scene, and carried them away to the ER. McCoy worked tirelessly on Jim while M'Benga took care of Spock. McCoy lost Jim on the table twice before his vitals finally stabilized. It was one of the scariest moments McCoy had ever experienced. McCoy walked out of the operating room leaving Jim pumped up with vitamins and pain killers. M'Benga informed McCoy that Spock had entered a healing trance once he was stabilized.

It was hours later when McCoy was looking over Jim's file when he realized something horrifying. If the time jump remained the same amount of five years like before then Jim would be thirteen when he woke up. No one but McCoy knew that Jim was one of the nine survivors that actually saw Kodos the Executioner. McCoy only knew because it was sealed on Jim's medical file.

Once Starfleet came and saved who they could Jim had a physical done. He was severely malnourished and dehydrated. Few fractured bones including the right wrist, left shoulder, and some bruised ribs. What was far worse than all those ailments was the results to the rape kit they ran. It was positive. Severe tearing and contusions. If Jim was going to be in that state then Bones was afraid that even Spock wouldn't be able to comfort the damaged boy.

"Don't fuckin touch me!"

Bones paled at the malice and cynicism he never heard before in his friend's voice. He was almost afraid to go into the room to see what had upset Jim. Bones took a steadying breath, and walked in bravely but he was not prepared for what he saw.

"Oh God Jim."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Hope you liked it! Let me know what you thought!


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer** : I don't own anything, and mean no disrespect to the characters or actors who portray them.

Bones surveyed his friend with a pained expression and bleeding heart. Jim, his best friend and brother, looked like a he had been through hell and back. Which wasn't very far off. Knowing what happened to Jim on paper was much easier than seeing him like this. Cuts and contusions covered Jim's slim malnourished body. His nails were bitten down to bloody nubs, and his hair was filthy and reached down to his shoulders. Jim's lips were chapped and he was covered in a film of grim. Every part of his damaged friend hacked away at Bones' heart.

It was like a nightmare Bones couldn't wake up from. He was useless. As much as he wanted to save Jim from everything and everyone Bones couldn't save him from this. Jim would always be haunted by the memories of Tarsus, and his past in general. Back at the academy Jim would wake up in the middle of night screaming, and wouldn't be able to sleep for days after. Only when Bones would sedate him would Jim finally fall into a deep dreamless slumber. When he would wake up rested Jim acted like the nightmares and sleepless nights never happened.

Bones never understood how Jim managed to survive on the little he ate. Unless Bones physically sat down with him it seemed like Jim never remembered to eat. Every bite looked forced which nagged Bones, but the naïve doctor always brushed it off as one of Jim's strange quirks. It was only when Bones was cleaning Jim's side of their room when he found small stashes of unperishable food hidden under Jim's bed. Flashing red alarms blared in his head, but Bones ignored them. He didn't want to think about his friend going hungry before Bones knew him.

With the nightmares and food stashes Bones kept an even closer eye on Jim. Regardless of his efforts Jim still managed to get himself in trouble on an almost daily basis. Jim had a big mouth, he could back it up, but his devil may care attitude annoyed most people. Jim was a fighter. Always had been. The thing that bothered Bones so much, besides the fact that Jim couldn't stop getting into trouble, was that Jim never knew when to concede. He would take hit after hit, and still taunt the other guy like Jim was the one winning. Jim never backed down from anything or anyone.

Finally Bones gave in and became Jim's personal physician their second year as roommates and friends. When that happened Bones got access to Jim's medical records. Bones should have known then. He was trained to see the signs. They were all there. He just didn't want to see them. He wanted Jim to remain his knuckleheaded friend who was a genius loudmouth ladies' man. You can always close your eyes you don't want to see, but you can never close your mind to things you don't want to know.

All the trips to the ER as a kid should have alerted Bones that Jim was abused by his caretaker. Bones didn't want to believe it. Jim wasn't the type. He was…well, he was Jim. Bones could talk himself into thinking that Jim was just a reckless and wild child. The lie seemed to be working, but then Bones saw the sealed record on Jim's file. It was titled a single word that drove terror through Bones' soul: "Tarsus".

Bones downed half a bottle of whiskey once he was done reading it. There was no more deluding himself. Bones spent three days avoiding Jim. He just didn't know how to face him. The shame and regret consumed Bones. How could he not know his best friend, his annoying little brother, suffered so much? Was he really so blind?

In all the years that Bones had known Jim there was only one time Jim ever spoke of Tarsus. It was the moment when Bones went to confront Jim about it on the fourth day. He didn't know what he was going to say, but it turned out that he didn't have to say a word. Jim, like always, just knew. Jim said two simple words before shutting down: "I survived".

Seeing Jim as a young teen so damaged in every way a person could be almost destroyed Bones. He just stared blankly at Jim who was out of bed and clutching a scalpel. Jim brandished the small blade like it was sword. His normally bright blue eyes that used to shine with cool confidence and wild intelligence were now full of cold ruthlessness and animalistic fury. Jim's body language was aggressive, but he was crouched down in a defensive position. Bones almost couldn't recognize the Jim standing in front of him now.

With every age before Jim was still Jim, but this time he was a stranger. Nothing about this Jim resembled the one Bones befriended at the academy. This poor boy in front of him seemed more animal than man. The only thing that connected the two Jims was the calculating look in his eyes. Sometimes in dire situations Bones would catch a flash of this young wild child in his captain and friend. Jim would suddenly grow deathly still ignoring all the chaos around him. Then he would just fly into action barking orders that border lined crazy, but it always worked for him in the end. In those few minutes Jim wasn't anyone's friend. He was a captain in every sense of the word. A warrior determined to survive and save as many as he could.

"Who are you?" Jim demanded as he gripped the scalpel tighter.

He anxiously looked around trying to find the closest escape route. Everything around him was unfamiliar. He couldn't recognize a single thing. Jim wracked his brain trying to remember what happened. He must have been sedated because his thoughts were sluggish. Jim bristled like an angry cat at the realization that someone got to upper hand over him. The last thing Jim could remember was being on Tarsus scrounging for food.

"Easy there. My name is Dr. McCoy and you're aboard the USS Enterprise," McCoy answered holding up his hands to show he wasn't a threat.

Jim mulled over the provided information. Starfleet finally came. Jim almost broke out in maniacally laughter as he realized that if Starfleet only came sooner over 4000 people would still be alive. Kodos wouldn't have executed the people he considered inferior. Jim wouldn't have had to sacrifice so much to survive. To keep all the kids he could alive. Jim tensed and the eyed Dr. McCoy carefully. There was something familiar about him. For some reason Jim got the gut instinct that he could trust the doctor.

"Where are my kids?" Jim inquired while glancing around the medbay.

Nurses were bustling around avoiding the area Jim and McCoy took up. There wasn't anyone else except what looked like a Vulcan in a healing trance. Jim was alarmed when there was a strong tug that almost demanded for him to check on him. It was confusing because Jim had never met a Vulcan before so he didn't understand the pull.

Jim found himself taking a step in the Vulcan's direction before he registered what he was doing. It took more will power than he was comfortable to hold back and focus on the doctor. Jim refused to tense under Dr. McCoy's piercing gaze. Jim felt like he was being stripped down piece by piece and put together again. The doctor was trying to figure him out, and that was very dangerous.

"They're fine. Already off to their individual families," Bones answered while studying the young teen.

Bones didn't miss Jim's gaze lingering on Spock longer than normal. Bones wasn't surprised when Jim looked like he was about to storm over to Spock's side. It was such a routine between the two that it only surprised Bones when Jim stopped himself. Jim looked conflicted, but then gather himself. Bones wondered how Spock was going to handle Jim at this age. One of the hardest times in Jim's life, one he kept secret from everyone. Were the two going to become fast friends like they have before, or will this be the time that tears them apart?

"Good," Jim replied his stance relaxing just slightly. "Who is he?" Jim questioned while motioning over to Spock.

"His name is Spock," Bones answered before slowly making his way over to check Spock's vitals. Jim followed him from a distance.

"What's wrong with him?" Jim pried as he stared down at the comatose Vulcan.

"He suffered a trauma," Bones alluded as he adjusted a few things.

"Was he there?" Jim inquired turning his attention back to the doctor.

"No, he wasn't," Bones answered before clearing his throat. "Would you like to get cleaned up?"

Jim looked down at himself knowing he must look like shit. Well, it wasn't like he was on vacation down there. Over time he just got used to the stench cloud surrounding him. Jim was torn between taking a hot shower and continuing to watch Spock sleep. It was strange and make Jim feel out of control. He didn't like it at all.

"I'll get cleaned up," Jim answered not trusting himself to stay around Spock for a second longer.

"Let me show you the way," Bones said while signaling for Jim to follow him.

Bones didn't comment on the way Jim clutched the scalpel and kept at least two feet behind him. He didn't think Jim was going to attack him or anything. Jim was just making sure that no matter what he could protect himself. Bones couldn't fault him for that. Bones led him to the private showers knowing that Jim wouldn't want to use the community bathroom. Now that Bones thought about it Jim never used the community showers even the ones in the locker room if he could help it. So many signs Bones just brushed off as weird quirks Jim had. All Bones knew for sure was that he and Jim were going to have a long sober talk about this when Jim returned back to normal age.

**-KS-KS-KS-KS-KS-**

Bones left Jim with strict instructions to come back when he was finished. Bones seriously hoped that Jim didn't try and make a break for it and run around the Enterprise. Bones knew the crew wasn't ready for this stage of Jim. Bones didn't even think he was ready for it himself.

Bones was mulling around medbay making sure everything was as it should be. A high piercing beep caught Bones' attention. He immediately rushed to Spock's side looking over his vitals. Everything was stable, but there had been a spike in brain activity. Bones was deciphering the readings when Spock's eyes shot open. Bones almost stumbled back when Spock quickly sat up and looked around wearing a blank expression.

"I have no recollection of what happened. Why am I here?" Spock inquired as he proceeded to remove all the IVs connected to him.

Spock felt lethargic and off balanced as he was slammed with internal conflict. He couldn't remember how he came to be aboard what appeared to be a starship. He was conducting research one minute, and then everything went blank. He couldn't recall anything that happened afterwards. It was like a piece of his memory was missing.

It was very disconcerting, and then on top of that his katra was in pain. Spock couldn't detect his mother's familial bond no matter how hard he tried to reach out for it. It wasn't blocked, it felt like it was ripped out. The ever present warmth and affection that radiated from the bond was gone. Panic swelled in him as he wondered what happened to his bond with his mother. Was she well?

"Spock, stop that!" Bones snapped causing the young teen to freeze. A moment too late Bones realized his mistake.

In a blur of movement Spock rose from the bed and pinned the man down. His blue shirt and Starfleet emblem revealed that he was most likely to be a Federation doctor. This information didn't comfort Spock. His control was declining and being replaced with fear and panic of his inability to sense his mother. Further internal reflection showed Spock that not only was his bond with his mother gone, but he couldn't sense his home world. Something was very wrong.

"What has happened? How do you know my name?" Spock fiercely questioned while putting pressure on the doctor's arm.

If the doctor knew anything about Vulcan physiology then he would know that Spock could easily snap his arm if he so chose. The doctor grunted in pain as he felt his tendons being strained beyond their usual dynamic. Spock had him pinned over the bed and completely immobilized in a matter of seconds. There was no way the doctor could overpower him or escape. He was at Spock's mercy.

Spock knew this, but before he could demand for answers he felt a sharp point press against the back of his neck. So caught up in his internal panic attack he did not hear someone coming up from behind him. An earlier survey of the room showed no other life forms. Whoever was behind him must have just entered the room undetected.

" _Kiv tehnau fa-wak stau nash-veh du_."

Spock tensed hearing the threat in his native tongue. The warning was too harsh and emotional to be delivered by a Vulcan. The voice sounded young and male. Despite the young age the syntax and morphology was flawless. Had this been under different circumstances Spock might have inquired on where the human (educated conjecture) learned Vulcan. It was a complex language that humans had difficulty speaking because of the phonetics.

" _Fa-wak shroi ri nash-veh nemut zhitlar_." Spock replied evenly while trying to scrap together the little amount of control he had left. His thoughts needed to be clear and concise. Emotions could not cloud his judgment in a time like this.

" _Fa-wak tor du ra karthau_ ," the person ordered while pressing the blade harder against Spock's skin.

Spock could feel it pierce his flesh sending little drops of green blood to the surface. Spock closed his eyes trying to shut down his pain receptors, but it was harder with his control unraveling. Spock calculated his chances of taking both men down in his weakened state. The percentage was not in his favor.

" _Nekhau_ ," Spock announced before slowly releasing his hold on the doctor.

The pressure from the back of his neck remained there a second longer before disappearing. Spock held up his hands, and carefully turning around to face the man who subdued him. Spock forced himself not to give away his surprise. A boy around the age of thirteen or fourteen standard years had overpowered him with nothing more than a scalpel. Vulcans are three times stronger than humans, but Spock was not in his right mind.

Under closer inspection Spock saw the droplets in the boy's blonde shaggy hair. Soap wafted off him giving Spock the impression he must have just come from the shower. The boy had fair skin with pink undertones that most humans possessed. He was small and thin looking undernourished. Many contusions covered the skin Spock could see. Overall the human looked like he wasn't a threat, but there was something in his wild blue eyes that kept Spock from attacking.

" _Nash-veh S'chn T'gai Spock_ ," Spock introduced calmly as the doctor moved away from him. He was gently rubbing his arm, and Spock felt a hint of regret for his unbecoming actions.

"My name is James T. Kirk, but you can call me JT."

Against his Vulcan control Spock felt the corners of his lips minutely turn upward. For reasons beyond Spock's understanding his very katra purred at the sight of the human boy. Fascinating.

"Greetings James T. Kirk."

**Translations:**

_Kiv tehnau fa-wak stau nash-veh du-_  If you resist, I will kill you.

_Fa-wak shroi ri nash-veh nemut zhitlar-_  I will not listen to the words of my enemy.

_Fa-wak tor du ra karthau-_  You will do what I command.

_Nekhau-_  I yield/submit

_Nash-veh S'chn T'gai Spock-_  I am Spock

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Hope you liked it! Let me know what you thought!


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer** : I don't own anything, and mean no disrespect to the characters or actors who portray them.

Jim walked around the room he was told to stay in. It was spacious and had its own bathroom. There was a door that connected it to the room next to it, but the door was locked. Apparently Jim wasn't allowed to muck around medbay anymore because there wasn't anything physically wrong with him. He thought it was real clever the way McCoy emphasized physically wrong. After all regenerators and hyposprays could take care of almost any ailment. It was the mental and emotional pain that really killed people. Or at least made them wish they were dead.

Jim hated being confined to a room. Especially by people he didn't trust so this was pure torture. He knew that Starfleet would take him back to Iowa. Back to that drunk waste of space. Winona will no doubt pretend to be the relieved and grateful mother. It was all so meaningless. What was the point? Jim fought so hard to survive, and for what? To return to a mother who didn't love him and a stepfather who beat the shit out of him? Yeah, some welcome home party. Congratulations for surviving a massacre and famine! Now get your ass back to work before I really give you something to cry about! Yeah, Jim could already picture it now.

With a bored sigh Jim snooped around wondering why McCoy left him in a room that looked like it belonged to a high ranking officer. There wasn't much stuff, but what was there was interesting. Shelves of books from 20th century literature to academic science and history journals. Whoever stayed in this room had amazing taste in books. There were artifacts, probably souvenirs, from different planets and cultures. Jim wished he could travel and discover new worlds, but that would mean joining Starfleet. He used to want to, but that was a little kid's dream. Starfleet was a peace keeping organization, and Jim wasn't very much of a team player. If there was one thing that Tarsus taught him it would be that it's kill or be killed. You can only depend on yourself. Anyone who says otherwise is an idiot or a liar.

Jim paced back and forth trying to dispel the feeling of the walls closing in on him. Weeks without four walls made anything with them feel like a cage. Jim already knew there were only two points of entry into the room. One from the door he came in through, and then the locked mystery door. The bathroom only had one door so no one could get in through there. Jim already checked. Jim stopped in his tracks when he heard a movement coming from the room over. He quietly tip toed over, and pressed his hear against the door listening for any sign of life on the other side. Jim closed his eyes while straining his ears to pick up any little noise. He heard what sounded like someone walking around the room. The moving suddenly stopped, and Jim had the strange feeling the person walked over to the door.

"James T. Kirk,  _qual se tu_?"

Jim pulled away from the door recognizing that monotone from the other day. Spock. Jim had not seen him since they were separated. McCoy had to run a bunch of tests on Jim while another doctor did the same on Spock. After what felt like an endless amount of tests and invasive questions Jim was finally allowed to relax. He was escorted to this room, but before he could do any real exploring there was a sharp pinch in his neck. Sneaky McCoy hit him with a sedative. Got to watch out for that one.

"Yeah, it's me.  _Tonk'peh_ ," Jim greeted as he pressed his back against the door. "Are you feeling any better or are you still in a homicidal mood?"

"I have been meditating for the past twenty-four hours. Furthermore, I believe you were the one brandishing a weapon," Spock replied without any inflection. His control must be back for him to sound exactly like a computer.

"Well, I couldn't have you break McCoy's arm now could I?" Jim drawled out while glancing around the room once more.

"I was emotionally compromised at the time. May I ask a personal query?" Spock questioned as he focused on the door wishing it was not in the way.

"Yeah, but don't expect an answer," Jim retorted with a careless shrug.

"Noted. Where did you learn Vulcan?" Spock inquired wondering where a human would pick up the language without specialized teaching.

"I took a few language classes while off planet," Jim alluded not planning on going into any more detail than that.

"Fascinating," Spock murmured to himself.

"Hey, do you have a datapad in your room?" Jim pried noticing that his room didn't have one anywhere he checked.

"Negative," Spock immediately answered. Upon arrival he explored the room, and had found nothing other than novels and artifacts of the person who usually occupied the room. The room's resident had a stimulating collection of both.

"Yeah, me either," Jim mumbled distractedly. Something was up. "I think they're trying to keep something from us," Jim commented recapturing Spock's attention.

"On what grounds?" Spock asked wondering what could make the human think such a thing.

"I don't know for sure. It's just a gut feeling—"

"So your claim is baseless," Spock interjected sounding very unconvinced in Jim's opinion.

"Well, isn't it strange that neither of us had been given a way to communicate with our family? We're not even provided a datapad for personal reasons. They're hiding something," Jim explained while turning towards the door.

With those thoughts in mind silence fell between the two boys. Jim pried open the door's control panel so he could hack into it. He wasn't just going to sit here wondering what was going on with the outside world. Jim studied the wires remembering back to a mechanics book he read a few years ago. With photographic recall he was able to identify the correct wire to cut so the door would open. A precise snip later the door hissed opened revealing the Vulcan boy from before.

"James—"

"Call me JT," Jim interrupted with a casual wave of his hand. Without further ado Jim walked into the room Spock was residing it. "Jeez," Jim complained as the heat washed over him in scorching waves.

"James, this is why one should seek permission before entering another's room," Spock stated while watching the blonde uselessly fan himself.

"Yeah, well I wasn't going to continue talking to the door," Jim retorted irritability. "Is your door locked?" Jim questioned while heading to the front entrance.

"Affirmative," Spock answered as he watched him try to open it.

"Suspicious," Jim taunted before pulling open the security panel. More and more wires.

"What is it you are trying to accomplish James?" Spock inquired while making his way over to the strange blonde human.

"If you're not going to call me JT at least call me Jim," Jim grumbled while filtering through the countless wires.

"Jim—"

"And don't stand so close behind me," Jim snapped immediately tensing up when he felt Spock's presence nearing him.

Spock paused momentarily when he heard the malice and paranoia laced in the human's voice. Jim did not trust him. Spock should have expected that considering their lack of knowledge of each other. Even after hours of meditation and searching through his memories Spock couldn't find a single moment he spent with Jim before their encounter in the medbay. Therefore there should be no logical reason why the human somehow seemed familiar. It was little things about the boy that made Spock's katra burn with peace and yearning. The color of Jim's eyes with their resemblance to earth's ocean. There is no way for a color to be too much of its shade, but his eyes seemed too blue. There was tang of desert rain and cinnamon that surrounded Jim. A unique aroma considering that was what Spock's scent consisted of. It was the little things that made up the human that made Spock feel like he had known him before.

"Jim, what are you doing?" Spock questioned while moving to stand by the suspicious boy. Spock made sure to avoid standing out of the Jim's line of sight.

"I'm getting out of here," Jim replied while sorting through circuits.

"I do not think that is a wise course of action," Spock commented as the doors hissed open. Jim smirked victoriously and wiped the grease collecting on his hands onto his pants.

"Well, frankly I don't give a fuck. I'm leaving. You don't have to come," Jim announced before taking off in a rush.

Spock felt the strongest urge to follow after him. An urge so strong surely a human would have given into its pull. Spock, however, was only half human and was able to resist such temptation. The doors hissed closed, but Spock made sure that they remained unlock from the inside. He was no one's prisoner. Thinking about what Jim said Spock sought out to hack into the computer system, and find a way to communicate with his mother. Even after a full day of meditation Spock had been unable to feel his mother's bond. The half Vulcan side of him was confused at what could have happened while the half human side had grown increasingly worried.

Spock marched over to the communicator attached to the wall, and went to work on hacking into the video transmission. Normally he would concede to logic and wait for one of the superior officers to explain the situation. Jim was not waiting for anything or anyone, and Spock could not help but feel the same way. He did not want to wait for someone to tell him it was okay to see or speak to his mother. Therefore, logic suggested that Spock find another way to accomplish his need.

Spock's brows furrowed slightly when his mother's personal number was not going through. He tried multiple times despite knowing the number from memory. After the tenth time Spock looked up where his father, Ambassador Sarek, would be deducing that his mother would be by his side. Spock skimmed through useless files until his attention was captured by three small words. Three words that made him feel like he was stranded in the middle of winter on Delta Vega:  _Destruction of Vulcan_.

**-KS-KS-KS-KS-KS-**

Jim was racing through the halls in search of the shuttle hangar. He could hijack a space shuttle, and head to the nearest station or port. There he would rely on his cunning charm and wits to get where he needs to go. Where that was Jim wasn't sure. All he knew was that he wasn't going back to earth. Nothing was there for him. Jim ducked into a supply closet waiting for the two ensigns to pass before heading out again.

Despite never being on this ship before Jim knew exactly where he was going. It was weird, but he wasn't complaining. After a few more close calls Jim finally made it to the hangar which was empty. He strolled down the aisle perusing which shuttle he was going to steal. It had to have a full tank and warp capabilities. Defensive and offensive weaponry would also be helpful. Plus food and medical supplies would be a must. Jim stopped when he found the perfect one that fit his needs. Just as he was about to break in there was a small explosion by his head.

Jim whirled around coming face to face with some huge security goon. He dove behind a stack of crates to stay out of the direct line of fire. Jim's heart was racing and a wild wicked glint shone in his eyes. There was no way Jim was going back to his room quietly. Phaser fire shot out and Jim could hear the officer calling in for backup. Jim knew that as good as he was he wasn't strong enough to take on a large armed group. He was defenseless, but that could change. He just needed a blunt object and a lucky shot.

Jim raced down the aisle weaving around crates and machinery so he wouldn't be an easy target. He slide under a small crane, and managed to snatch up a large wrench. Jim tested the weight in his hand as he waited for the goon to get close enough. He crouched down and slowed his breathing until he was silent and undetectable. After a few tense moments the security officer walked pass him not seeing Jim lurking in the shadows of the machinery. Once he passed by Jim stayed low to ground as he quietly snuck up behind the burly man. This was his chance.

With a quick blow to the knee the officer fell with a loud cry. Jim covered his mouth with his hand to not alert others that their man was in danger. The goon looked at Jim with watery eyes and a heated glare. With one more carefully placed blow to the head the man was out like a light. Jim rose to his feet scanning the area making sure that he was still alone. Looks like the other security officers hadn't arrived yet. Perfect. With a sinister smirk Jim dragged the officer behind some crates and out of sight. He'd wake up with a headache and a broken leg, but by then Jim would be long gone. Nobody was going to stop him.

There was nothing for Jim on Earth, and there was nothing and no one for him on that ship.

**Translations:**

_Qual se tu?_ \- Is that you?

_Tonk'peh_ \- Hello

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Hope you liked it! Let me know what you thought!


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer** : I don't own anything, and mean no disrespect to the characters or actors who portray them.

Spock stared blankly at the wall across from him. The room he was left in looked like a tornado tore through it. Books were ripped from their shelves and thrown around in an angry disarray. The bookshelf that formally held them was demolished until only shards and screws were left. The metal desk bolted to the floor was ripped from its hinges and flipped over on its side. Indents of fist shaped holes randomly lined the walls. The once neat bed was torn to shreds littering the already muddled room with slivers of sheets. Spock sat in the center of it all just staring at the wall.

Vulcan. Destroyed. His mother. Dead.

Spock could not register the sound that was blaring through the previously silent room. It sounded like undiluted anguish. The soundtrack of suffering. Spock racked his mind trying to identify that sound. He believed that he heard it once before. Spock remembered pressing his hand against glass trying to reach out to…to someone. The face was blurred. Everything was out of focus. He did not understand. The sound was so familiar like a far off memory.

Spock distantly heard the door to the room hiss open. Men dawning red security uniforms flanked into the room holding up phasers. Spock ignored them in favor of trying to pinpoint the sound. He tore his eyes away from the wall when a young woman with dark skin and silky hair tied in a ponytail walked into the room. Her emotions displayed openly on her face: sadness, confusion, panic, and shock. She hesitantly walked over to Spock like she was approaching a cornered animal. Spock idly wondered why she would act that way. Only when she placed a gentle, yet firm, hand on his shoulder did Spock identify the noise.

It was him. The sound of unadulterated agony was coming from him. He had been screaming. The room fell silent once more.

Spock looked down at his hands in horror. They were shaking against his control. There were yellowish green bruises along his split knuckles. Spock glanced around the room his revulsion only growing as he took in the chaotic scene. What had done this? Everything was ruined. He knew. Spock knew deep down that he was the one who destroyed the room. He just could not admit it. Vulcans prided themselves on their logic and control, but Spock lost both at the discovery of his home world and mother being…gone.

He read through dozens of editorials revolving around Vulcan's destruction. With each article Spock silently hoped that he would come across one that discredited the others. With each reporting Spock's hope diminished along with his control. An entire planet wiped from the space like it never existed. A majority of its six billion inhabitants murdered by a madman. A disturbed and crazed Romulan. Spock's mother was one of the casualties. That fact painfully tore at his katra. Spock could recall an outstretched hand grasping for something, someone, but reaching nothing but air.

"Spock."

He looked up at the sound of his name spoken softly. The woman's worried gaze softened until there was nothing but solemn sympathy. This woman was simultaneously familiar and foreign. Spock felt like he knew her, but when he tried to identify her there was nothing. His normally organized brain was thrown into hysteria. Mismatched memories. Memories from his past, and flashes of what was to come. Spock did not understand what was happening. Nothing made sense. It was all wrong.

"What is happening to me?" He whispered fearfully as he peered up at the woman in hopes of finally understanding. Something. Anything.

"I'm so sorry," she murmured while leaning down to him looking remorseful.

Spock was about to ask why when there was a sharp pinch in his neck. His vision blurred before blackening completely. It was the perfect reprieve from his forsaken reality. Yes, the darkness was welcomed with open arms.

**-KS-KS-KS-KS-KS-**

Jim ran back towards the shuttle craft he chose. He knew that time was limited, and the other guards would be here in just a few minutes. Every second mattered. Jim made quick work of the lock, and ducked inside just as he heard the alarm sound. The time he estimated he would have was cut in half as he scurried to the pilot's seat. The craft was small enough that Jim could fly it on his own, but it wouldn't be easy.

"Don't move."

Jim tensed and slowly held up his hands wondering how someone managed to sneak up onboard. Carefully he rose to his feet, and placed his hands on the navigation system. The man who cornered him stormed up behind him too fast for Jim's liking. It took him back to Tarsus when he would be running from men with greedy hands and lustful eyes. The hairs on the back of Jim's neck stood up as the man stood behind him.

Jim closed his eyes trying to gather himself. Logically he knew that the security officer wasn't going to hurt him like that. Jim knew that he was probably just going to get sent to the brig or something. Despite knowing that Jim whirled around and landed a hard kick against the man's chest. Surprised the officer stumbled back wheezing as he tried to catch his breath that was knocked out of him. Jim lunged the second he saw an opening. They sprawled onto the floor wrestling. The officer was trained and much larger, but Jim had surprise and unrelenting will on his side.

The man managed to throat checked Jim who collapsed gasping for breath. His lungs burned for air, but Jim ignored them rolled to side before the officer stomped him. With a frustrated shout the man pulled out his phaser to stun him. Jim in a quick second decision decided that he wasn't going to go down without a real fight. He scissor kicked the man knocking his feet out from below from him. The officer landed hard with a pained grunt, but before he could reorient himself Jim snatched up the phaser. Without a moment's hesitation Jim fired successfully stunning the man into submission.

Jim groaned leaning against the shuttle's wall completely drained. He didn't have that much energy before, but with two fights, no matter how small, Jim was spent. It didn't matter though because there wasn't time to stop or slow down. Jim grabbed the man's legs, and began to drag him out of the shuttle. He would only be trouble when he finally woke up. Trouble Jim didn't need.

Jim was almost home free when the side of shuttle near his head got blasted. Instinctively Jim dove to the side for cover. His heart was pounding hard in his chest and his breaths were strained and ragged. He peeked around the crate he was hiding behind, and saw about a dozen security officers charging in. Jim cursed quietly under his breath, and debated whether he should turn himself in. Before that thought could even fully form Jim pushed it away. He wasn't going to be a prisoner. Not again.

Jim started shooting at the officers taking down three consecutively from surprise. The rest hid behind various equipment and crates erring on the side of caution. They weren't going to underestimate him after watching three of their own drop stunned. Only the sound of phasers going off could be heard. Multiple times Jim had to abandon his hiding spot in search for another. As the seconds passed more and more energy slipped away, but Jim refused to give in. He managed to take down four more officers, but he knew more were on the way to replace them. It was a no win situation. Apparently his father didn't believe in no win situations. Look where that got him.

Jim so caught up on the advancing security officers didn't notice a flash of blue pass him. He was about to take down another officer when there was a sharp pain in his neck. Hypospray, his brain offered. Dr. McCoy he deduced as his world started spinning. He stumbled around in a daze trying fight the effects of the sedative. Jim refusing to back down raised his phaser to stun the sneaky doctor.

Dr. McCoy looked grim and apologetic, but not scared that he was about to be knocked out. Jim's hands felt numb and sluggish, but he placed his finger on the trigger. He felt victorious when he was about to fire, but then a phaser blast caught him in the back. Jim slowly fell to his knees dropping his own weapon as his teeth grinded together so he wouldn't cry out. He saw Dr. McCoy walking over, but his vision began fading in and out. Jim's eyes drifted shut as he fell forward only to be caught by Dr. McCoy.

"I'm so sorry Jim."

Jim heard Dr. McCoy whisper regretfully before losing consciousness.

**-KS-KS-KS-KS-KS-**

Bones just sent the last of the stunned security officers on her way. Besides bruised egos and an irritating headache they all would be fine. Bones sighed rubbing the back of his neck tiredly as he thought about the mess Jim made. The rest of the crew were uninformed about the circumstances of this age in Jim's life. It was a strictly need to know basis. Only Bones knew about Tarsus, and that was how it was going to stay. Bones knew Jim wouldn't want anyone to know about his past. Mainly because Jim would think that it would make his crew see him as less of a leader, but Bones thought that was bullshit. Regardless Bones vowed to keep Jim's secret. To everyone else Jim was a rebellious troublemaker. Which was true, but they had no idea how deep his defiant spirit ran.

Uhura told him earlier that Spock had the Vulcan equivalent of a breakdown. Apparently Spock was able to override the com's feed and gain access to certain files. News reports about the destruction of Vulcan. Spock read twenty-seven editorials before losing it. Bones watched the security footage in horror as Spock turned into something that was neither Vulcan nor human. Bones knew that he would never forget the cry of pain Spock let out when there was nothing left in his room to destroy. All he wanted to do was speak with his mother, but that was…impossible. It broke him. Logic had abandoned him making Spock a danger to himself and everyone around him. Uhura had no choice but to knock him out.

Uhura came to see Spock every hour, and always looked ready to cry when she left. She was the strongest woman Bones had ever had the honor of meeting, but this was too much for her. Spock would always have a special place in her heart whether she wanted him to or not. Bones knew that from experience with his own ex. Bones walked over to the two sedated young men with a troubled expression tainting his face. As much as he didn't want to Bones strapped them to the biobed. Regular handcuffs for Jim, and specialized restraints for Spock. Bones was charged with their care, but he had no idea what he was going to do when they awoke. It was only a matter of time now.

Spock shifted slightly drawing Bones' focus. Figures the hobglobin would be up first. Bones sincerely wished Uhura was here. She was always good dealing with Spock, maybe not as well as Jim, but he was in no condition to help anyone. Slowly Spock's eyes flittered open. Bones' breath caught in his throat when he saw the normally blank expression crumble. His face remained stoic, but the anguish in his eyes screamed everything that went unsaid.

"Spock," Bones murmured still unsure of what to say.

"Dr. McCoy," Spock replied his voice shaking minutely.

"You suffered—"

"I know what I have suffered doctor," Spock scathingly interrupted while clenching his fists. Only then did he notice his restraints. "These are unnecessary."

"You became a danger to yourself and others. It's protocol," Bones explained noticing the way Spock was trying to keep together.

"Dr. McCoy, I—"

"What the fuck? Let me go!"

Jim was awake, Bones thought with a heavy sigh. He turned around and saw fierce blue eyes glaring up at him. It made his insides twist into knots seeing his best friend look at him with such anger and betrayal. Out of the corner of Bones' eye he saw Spock warily look at Jim. Neither of them thrilled to be strapped down and made vulnerable. Both were alpha males, and probably could sense the other was too. Which made the whole situation much worse.

"You tried to escape through an illegally obtained shuttle. Then took down as many security officers as you could," Bones scolded making Jim smirk viciously.

"Yeah? Next time I'll get away with it!" Jim taunted as he violently shook his cuffs ignoring the way the dug into his wrists.

"There won't be a next time," Bones announced catching both of the boys' attention. "There is something I've been keeping from you—"

"Shocker," Jim mumbled under his breath.

"You both had an accident on an away mission that de-aged you." Bones paused making sure they were listening before continuing. "Jim, you're the decorated captain of the USS Enterprise, and Spock you're the decorated Science and First Officer of the USS Enterprise—"

Bones stopped when Jim let out a self-depreciating laugh. Spock had on a confused expression that bordered on disbelief and annoyance. Neither of them looked like they believed a word Bones had said. Bones didn't know what he could say to make them believe it. He was about to give up when something crossed his mind. A little over three months ago the crew had a temporary shore leave. The planet they took shore leave on had a summery beach climate. It was hot with a cool breeze. The ocean was purple with black sand, but it was very similar to the beaches on earth. The inhabitants were extremely friendly and practically treated the crew like royalty. It was the perfect vacation spot for the overworked crew.

Better yet Bones had some pictures from the leave that he could show to their younger versions. He searched through his datapad until he came across a photo of the three of them. Spock was wearing a black wet suit because even with the hot temperature it was well below what he was used to. Jim and Bones were wearing swim trunks, but Bones had the decency to wear a tank as well dammit. Who knew what their sun could do to human skin?

The three of them reluctantly gathered for the picture none of them wanted incur Uhura's wrath. Jim was in the center as always wearing a huge goofy smile as he wrapped his arms around Bones and Spock's neck pulling them closer. Bones was trying not to clobber Jim who was soaking wet at the time, and Spock tensed like he usual but relaxed because it was only Jim. The picture caught Jim in the middle of a laugh while Bones was rolling his eyes, and Spock had the smallest smile on as he watched his two friends. The picture encompassed their entire friendship in one short second.

Bones felt his throat tighten as he looked at the picture of them. It wasn't even that long ago, but it felt like ages since then. So much had happened. Bones didn't realize how much he missed his friends. It was so hard not having them around. Bones knew that the younger versions were them of course, but at the same time they weren't. It wasn't the same. It shouldn't be the same. Bones was able to see the different sides of his friends, and be there for them when they had no one else. He would never regret that, but Bones just…he just wanted his friends back.

With shaky hands Bones showed the two the blown up picture of the three of them. He studied their expression hoping this would be proof enough that not only Bones was telling the truth, but that the three of them were extremely close. Spock was expressionless as always, but there was confusion shining in his eyes. He kept glancing from the picture to Bones and Jim as if trying to connect them with the men in the picture. Jim was motionless the only sign of his surprise was his eyes widening. He, unlike Spock, couldn't tear his eyes away from the photo. It looked like they were both studying each and every microscopic detail.

"Bullshit."/"Fascinating."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Hope you liked it! Let me know what you thought!


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer** : I don't own anything, and mean no disrespect to the characters or actors who portray them.

Bones left the two boys to chew over everything he told them. He knew it was a lot to take it, and didn't want his presence to distract them. As hard as this whole mess was for him and Uhura, being the closest to the two, Bones knew that the boys had it worse. He couldn't imagine being their age and told that he was really older, but because of a freak accident he had to basically relive his life until he was back to his proper age. Bones barely believed it himself and it was happening right in front of him. He wasn't sure who would accept the truth first. Jim had been the most vocal about his denial, but Spock was a tenacious hobglobin that could out stubborn anyone.

"Will they be okay?"

Bones glanced at Uhura who he intercepted when she was on the way to visit Spock again. She must have heard that he woke up, but Bones couldn't let her see him. Spock was already overwhelmed with everything else he didn't need an ex-girlfriend complicating things further. God knows that Bones hopped on the first shuttle he could to get away from his ex-wife. Uhura was a strong and independent woman who didn't need a man to define her. Bones always got the feeling that Uhura was the boss back when she and Spock dated. Regardless, it was clear as the Georgia sun that Uhura was still in love with Spock.

"If anyone would be able to handle something like this it would be those two," Bones answered confidently.

Uhura smiled weakly while looking out Bones' office window. They were both watching Jim and Spock from afar. Neither of the boys looked like they were paying any attention to each other. Both too focused on the datapad in front of them. Bones figured that the boys would have an easier time believing it if they heard it from their older selves. So he gave them their personal logs. If that didn't work then Bones had no clue what would. He stared at the Jim and Spock wondering what they were thinking. Personal logs were secured so even he didn't know what Jim and Spock, his two best friends, talk about when they were on their own.

**-KS-KS-KS-KS-KS-**

Jim kept his eyes locked on the datapad in front of him. The little earbud buzzing in his ear waiting for him to press play. It had been probably around ten minutes since McCoy gave Jim his future self's personal log, but he couldn't bring himself to listen. Jim didn't believe it. It was too far out there, even for him. The thought that he grew up to become a decorated captain of Starfleet was too appealing. Jim didn't want to believe it. Getting his hopes up only ended with disappointment and pain. Jim had enough of that for two lifetimes.

Jim scowled tempted to throw the datapad as far as he could. It was bullshit! Guys like him don't grow up to be captains. They don't grow up to anything! Starfleet had taken everything from him. The father he never knew. His mom who rather be light-years away than be in the same space quadrant than him. He got shipped off to a planet where he had to do everything and anything to survive. Jim had already lost any sense of innocence he had left because Starfleet came too late. Starfleet was a joke! A sick joke!

He glanced out of the corner of his eye at the Vulcan chained next to him. He was also given a datapad to listen to. Jim wondered what his story was. He still didn't understand why he was so interested in the Vulcan. Spock was his name Jim remembered. It sounded alien, but at the same time familiar. Apparently, if this whole charade was real then Spock was his first officer. Strange. Jim never considered himself a real team player before, and he definitely didn't follow anyone's rules. Having a first officer was weird enough, but on top of that he was a Vulcan, a species that was dictated by logic and rule following, didn't make sense at all. Was Jim really so different in the future?

There was only one way to find out. Jim took a deep breath and pressed play.

**-KS-KS-KS-KS-KS-**

Spock heard the human handcuffed to the bed next to him intake. He was finally going to listen to the logs apparently. Spock did not plan to listen himself. The chances that his future self ingested something would alter not only his physiology, but his mental state as well was unheard of. It was highly improbable that something would have the capacity to de-age a person. Improbable, but not impossible. Spock had always planned on going to the Vulcan Space Academy under his father's wishes. He wondered what could have changed his mind. Why did his future self, if the tale was factual, forsake his original plan and enlist into Starfleet?

Spock discreetly glanced at the human boy once more. If what the doctor claimed was true that that human was to be his captain. Spock wasn't impressed. He remembered the boy breaking out of confinement and taking off. He must have tried to escape, and took down whoever went to stop him. The boy was reckless and undisciplined. Spock bristled at the idea of serving under such an immature captain. There must have been something wrong with his future self's logic. Working alongside humans with their unruly emotions must have contaminated him somehow.

Spock clenched the datapad. Humans. His mother was human. His mother was gone. Even if the story was false there was no other explanation for the absence of his mother's familial bond. His mother must be dead. Now he only had his father. A father who would never accept him. Not completely. What an illogicality for his father to bond with a human and be unsatisfied with a hybrid child. Spock momentarily entertained the thought that maybe his future self developed a better rapport with their father. Improbable…but not impossible. Spock had the urge to sigh, but that was a human trait so he held back. He looked back at the datapad deliberating what was to be done about his situation.

With steady fingers and unwavering determination Spock pressed play.

**-KS-KS-KS-KS-KS-**

_**Jim Kirk's Personal Log:** _

_I can't believe that pointy eared bastard! He has the nerve to tell me that I can't_ _be on the landing party_ _! Me? I'm the fuckin' captain! Who does he think he is to order me around? "Protocol clearly states…" Blah! Blah! Blah! Him and that stupid monotone of his! I want to explore new worlds too! He acts like I'm just going to magically find trouble! Ooh, there's a cool unique flower! Better keep Jim from it or else it'll explode! Whatever! Just wait until he comes back onboard! I'll go exploring with my own team when his returns. That'll show him!_

_**Spock's Private Log:** _

_The captain has once again tried to join the landing party. It clearly states that the captain and commander cannot both be away from the ship. His presence on the surface is unnecessary. I am a science officer therefore I am required to assist my associates in cataloging the indigenous animal and plant life. Furthermore, the captain has the proclivity for attracting trouble. It is my job as his first officer to put his security and welfare above all else. Therefore it is only logical for him to remain on the ship._ _The captain may not understand my logic, but it was in his best interest._

_**Jim Kirk's Personal Log:** _

_Just got out of medbay because Bones decided to surprise me with a physical today. I swear it's freaky how excited he gets about them. My neck is still sore from all the hypos. It must be a Bones' thing because it doesn't hurt nearly as much when Nurse Chapel does it. I think Bones comes up with new ways to surprise me. One day I'm going to wake up and he's going to be standing over me with a hypo. Ugh, that would happen to me. If I didn't love the crazy doctor so much I would have kicked his ass already. Lucky for the both of us I guess. Like he always says "Who else is going to patch you up after you do something stupid?" He's like a mother hen. I would never tell him that though. My neck is just throbbing thinking about how he'd react._

_**Spock's Private Log:** _

_I had my routine physical done despite my protests that I was at optimal condition. McCoy just held up a hypospray threateningly and told me to get my "green blooded hobgoblin ass" to medbay. He fails to see that I do not resemble the mythical creature of standard folklore. I do not understand why the captain who has faced more terrifying foes continues to be brought to his knees by the threat of a hypospray. Though I do take note of the extremely pleased look McCoy get whenever the captain gets hypoed by him. While this is concerning I will concede to McCoy when it involves the captain's health. He is the professional and the captain deserves it…more or less._

_**Jim Kirk's Personal Log:** _

_Spock and I played chess again in my quarters. I know I am so close to beating him I can practically taste it! I don't care what Spock says I know he loves beating me. He gets that little smug smile that's not really a smile. Apparently I'm the only one who notices it, but whatever. His moves are logic based, of course, so I try to throw him off all the time. Whenever I intercept his plan he raises an eyebrow and leans slightly forwards. If it's a really good move he murmurs, "fascinating". I love when he says that. I feel so stupid, but I get all_ _excited_ _when he does. His opinion shouldn't mean so much to me, but…it does._

_**Spock's Private Log:** _

_The captain is the only one onboard who provides a stimulating game of chess. I have tried on numerous occasions to play with Nyota, but she lacks patience or any innate talent for the game. The captain, however, is very skilled. At first I thought he played recklessly, but after a few games I have discovered that he plays three moves ahead. Somehow he predicts my moves, and acts accordingly before I have even made the move. It is fascinating. When I say as such he smiles widely. Each time he does this I need to pause so I can fully take in his joy. When he smiles his eyes almost sparkle, but that is illogical. The captain is illogical._

_**Jim Kirk's Personal Log:** _

_Spock called me Jim today without me needing to tell him. I guess it was because I was kind of dying at the time. Landing mission gone wrong. Spock couldn't even blame me if he tried because the second we materialized the natives started firing on us. They weren't very advance with their weaponry. Instead of phaser they had old fashioned guns with metal bullets. The landing party scattered ducking for cover. I was fine, but two of my security officers were shot. I was so pissed I started returning fire. I hate losing someone. I've lost so many already the ones I still have are precious. My crew is my family._

_The firefight carried on for about an hour and it wasn't looking good. Two more officers were shot, but still breathing. Sulu and Chekov were trying to get past the transporter scrambler the natives activated. Even though the natives were old fashioned with their armory they were hi-tech which is why Starfleet sent us here. Anyways, back to what happened with Spock and me. I was shot in my side and opposite shoulder. Man did it hurt like hell. I was trying to keep pressure on it, but I couldn't cover both. I was losing a lot_ _of blood and_ _fast. The only thing that kept me going by sheer force of will and the rush of adrenaline was the idea of my people dying down here._ _I couldn't let that happen._

_I kept looking for Spock because…well, he had to be alive still. We've been through so much together it wouldn't make sense that he was...No, he was still alive. He had to be. Spock wouldn't let some bullet do him in. He would probably call it illogical and do some Vulcan mind voodoo Bones_ _was_ _always complaining about. Even though I was on fire, that's what the pain felt like, I continued searching for Spock as if maybe seeing him would make everything better. He was my right hand, and with him we could figure this out. We always did before._

_I must have blacked out or something because all I remember is looking at the sky. On the planet the sky was a blood red. One minute I was staring at it, and the next Spock's face came into view. I wanted to laugh because for once his hair was all mussed up. When I did laugh I coughed up blood. The metallic taste was awful. Spock looked worried and…scared. He held me close as he yelled into his communicator. It was a blur, but there was something brushing my hair. If I didn't know better I would say it was Spock, but that couldn't be. Vulcan's have sensitive hands._ _It must have been my imagination._ _I think I closed my eyes because it went black. The last thing I remember is a quiet whisper: "Jim"._

_**Spock's Private Log:** _

_Today I had almost lost Jim again. It was a first contact mission, but upon arrival the natives fired upon us. I am sure Jim will claim that he had no responsibility on this unfortunate turn of events. He believes that I blame him for complications during our missions. This is untrue. What is true, however, is the increased likelihood that something would go awry when he is involved. I cannot change what the statistics from our previous missions reveal._

_The species were technologically advanced in most aspects of their culture with one exception. Weaponry. Two security officers were lost on initial fire. The team sought out cover, and because of this I was separated from the captain. While I trust in his abilities to survive, he has proved himself very hard to kill, I do not trust that he would not risk himself for the sake of another. I often contemplate on whether he has any self-preservation in him. It is my job, and every crewman abroad the Enterprise, to ensure the captain's survival_ _. He does not make this task easy_ _._

_Amidst firefight I searched for the captain. When I finally found him I_ _felt my heart clench painfully in my side_ _. He was laying behind a large boulder bleeding from his side and shoulder. A native was approaching him. I am…unsure what happened next. I remember racing towards my captain using my superior speed to get there faster. All I knew was that he had to live. It was almost like his survival was essential to my own. Even though I could have stunned the native I had a deep bloodlust. The instincts of my savage ancestors rose to the surface pushing down my controlled logic. I lashed out at the native, and before I could comprehend what I was doing I snapped his neck._

_I dropped to my knees and diagnosed the damage done to Jim. He looked somewhat surprised to see me, but smiled when he recognized me. His normally white teeth were tainted red from blood. I elevated his head resting it on my lap while I demanded immediate transport and medical assistance. The captain, Jim, Jim was in severe danger. In his delirious state Jim must have found something amusing because he tried to laugh. It only made him cough up more blood so I gently shushed him. I did not realize I was running my fingers through his hair until I meditated later. Alarm hit me when his eyes fell shut. I was later told that I was screaming his name until McCoy pried me off of him. I have no recollection on the matter._

**-KS-KS-KS-KS-KS-**

Jim and Spock tore their eyes away from their individual datapads long enough to stare at each other. Sizing the other up. Both boys had serious doubts about the significance of the relationship their future selves shared. Jim had never relied or trusted anyone before so he doubted he was going to start now. Spock had never been accepted or trusted anyone before so it was improbable now was going to be any different. Future selves or not. Jim was Jim, and Spock was Spock. Raw emotion. Cold logic.

Jim looked at Spock focusing on the other boy's pointed ears. He idly wondered what they felt like. Were they sensitive? When he got bored with that he snickered at Spock's bowl cut. What a weird hairstyle. Spock was taller and thicker Jim noted. Not fat, but muscled. He sat ramrod straight like he had a giant stick shoved up his ass. Jim chuckled at the thought. Spock was really pale. Like deathly pale. Jim wondered if he was cold to the touch. Even with all his alien features Jim couldn't stop looking at Spock's eyes. There were brown. Brown was boring. But Spock's eyes were special brown. They were like lakes of dark chocolate. Vulcans hid their emotions, but if Jim tried hard enough he could read the curiosity, annoyance, and pain swimming in those chocolate eyes.

Spock ignored Jim's inspection because he was conducting his own. The human was smaller than average. Taller maybe, not taller than Spock though, but thinner. Much thinner. He had a mop of messy blonde hair that looked like it was raggedly chopped. Likely the boy cut his own hair. Spock wondered if it was soft and silky, but he pushed away that thought. His skin was sun kissed with a heavy golden tan that made his hair look even lighter. The most startling feature on the human was his bright blue eyes. It was like the ocean and sky of earth combined in his eyes. Spock knew that humans only a few array of possible eye colors, but this human seemed to defy that. Which was not very surprising. From what Spock could tell the boy oozed defiance and mischief from every pore like an angry shield.

Neither boy believed that the other was going to mean much to them.

"This is going to be…fascinating," Jim mocked with a devilish smirk.

"Illogical," Spock replied while raising an unimpressed eyebrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Hope you liked it! Let me know what you thought!


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer** : I don't own anything, and mean no disrespect to the characters or actors who portray them.

Bones had released the boys a few days ago figuring that whatever mayhem they caused would be swiftly handled. Which is why Jim was wandering around the hall dying of boredom. Future Jim and the doctor must have been best friends because whenever Jim tried to do something even remotely fun Bones was there to stop him. It was like Bones would say "don't even think about it infant" before Jim even thought of something bad to do. It was so frustrating! No one had ever known Jim like that before. Not even his own brother. Jim would never admit it out loud, but he kind of enjoyed Bones nagging him all the time. He never had someone care about him like that before. It was different…nice even.

Speaking of different, Jim mused to himself when he saw Spock walking ahead of him. Once they were released Spock and he haven't talked much. A few passing words, but the truth was they were both trying to avoid each other. Neither were thrilled about a future so called friendship that defined them in ways neither could imagine. It was just too weird to think about his future self becoming so…reliant on someone other than himself. Jim wondered what it was about Spock that his future self found so appealing. Maybe he could find out himself. After all young Spock didn't have anything to do either, and if he did then well that was just too bad. With that thought in mind Jim raced down the hall to catch up with the alien boy.

"Jim," Spock greeted when the younger boy finally caught up. He had heard Jim start to run, but was unaware of the reasoning behind said action.

"Hey," Jim replied while running a hand through his messy hair. Spock unknowingly closely followed the gesture remembering his own secret desire. "What are you up to?"

"I am meeting with Lt. Uhura—"

"Again? Jeez," Jim mumbled while rolling his eyes exasperated.

Spock had been spending a majority of his time with Uhura ever since he found out that they were close in the future. Apparently Spock and he were going to be amazing friends in the future, but Jim guess that didn't matter to Spock. Jim figured that they must have dated before all this mess. It was clear she was into Spock even though he remained oblivious to her longing affectionate gazes. It was so annoying. Jim didn't know why, but it just was. He didn't like it all.

"I do not understand why you do not like Lt. Uhura. You have been spending your free time with Dr. McCoy," Spock retorted almost angrily, but managed to control his own annoyance.

Jim spent most of his time with Dr. McCoy because the doctor was always there to foil Jim's plans. After getting another lecture Jim would drag Dr. McCoy to the cafeteria for lunch, or he would bring the doctor lunch. Which is why Jim could not partake in meals with him. Spock deduced that they must have been close before the incident took place. It was…unsatisfactory. Spock, even during meditation, could not fathom why Jim's relationship with the doctor mattered so much to him. Spock found it unpleasing.

"Are you jealous?" Jim teased with a mischievous grin that did strange things to Spock's stomach. He should get Dr. McCoy to examine it.

"Negative. Jealousy is a human emotion. Are you jealous Jim?" Spock countered making the blonde slightly stumble over his feet.

"Me? What? Of course not!" Jim denied more vehemently than he meant to. Spock's lips twitched slightly as if trying to hold back a smile.

"I see," Spock calmly replied making Jim scowl.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Jim snapped while crossing his arms defensively. What was that pointy eared bastard thinking now?

"I am sure even you can figure that out Jim," Spock answered making Jim stop in his tracks surprised. The emotionless Vulcan almost sounded…amused…and smug.

"What the hell is THAT supposed to mean?" Jim yelled after Spock who disappeared into Uhura's room.

Jim stood there grumbling to himself for a bit before leaving to go bug Bones. He headed towards medbay where the doctor was always at. Jim ignored the stares people were giving him. He was used to getting looked at by now. Being the son of a Federation hero would do that, but this was different. Everyone looked at him like he was either going to get in trouble (which was likely) or age jump (which was weird). Jim walked into medbay ready to shout for Bones to entertain him, but before he could even open his mouth Bones stopped him.

"I don't need you crowding up my sickbay! Don't cause too much trouble Jim!" Bones scolded as he ushered his young friend out.

Jim was staring at the doors that hissed shut when what happened caught up with him. What the hell? Bones was too busy for him too? Jeez, what was a guy supposed to do? Jim rolled his eyes and shoved his hands into his jean pockets as he took off. Jim noticed that Bones was more stressed out lately. Probably had to do with his bitch ex-wife that Bones didn't know Jim knew about. Before he was released Jim hacked into the personal files of the alpha bridge crew. Just in case. Jim knew that his future self trusted them, but Jim couldn't bring himself to. Not yet at least. The Jim he was now and the future Jim were different people. At least, they might as well be.

Jim passed by engineering and decided to drop in on Scotty to see if he needed any help. Jim liked mechanics, and was pretty good with his hands. Jim snickered to himself realizing that phrase could be taken another way. A nauseous feeling overcame his amusement making Jim slow down confused. It came out of nowhere. It wasn't a physical thing, but more psychological. A certain foreboding. Jim glanced around on high alert. His muscles tense and ready for anything. Jim took a small step as he continued searching for anything out of place. He didn't know what he was looking for, but he knew he would find it before it got him.

Dread filled him as Jim's eyes landed on the warp core chamber. It was like someone had bolted his feet to the ground. Jim was immobilized with fear. Fear that he had never felt before. Not from Frank or even Tarsus. This fear came with the pain of loss. A severe and devastating loss. It didn't make sense. Jim had no reason to be so afraid of the warp core. It was ridiculous even. Jim took a deep breath and swallowed his terror. With a few shaky, but determined strides Jim was staring at the door. He reached out pressing his hand against the cool glass. He didn't realize his breaths were coming out short and ragged.

"Jim!"

Someone snatched Jim's hand, and yanked him away until the warp core chamber was out of sight. Jim found himself pressed tight against someone's chest. He figured it must have been Bones, but then threw that option out when the person was too small to be the rugged doctor. Jim glimpsed up and was shocked to find Spock clutching him. Only then did he realize his cheeks were wet and his heart was racing. Why was Jim crying? Why was Spock here? How did he know something was wrong? Jim weakly collapsed into Spock's strong arms feeling relief wash over him. Spock was…safety.

"Spock," Jim mumbled closing his eyes exhausted.

Pictures, like in a movie, flashed across his mind. Blurry and unfocused, but there. If Jim tried he could make them out a little. What looked like the older Jim and Spock were by the warp core chamber. Only Jim was on the inside and Spock was on the outside. It didn't make sense. Jim held up his hand against the glass, and Spock did the same. Their hands lining up to each other. Jim was dying. Spock was crying.

"I do not want you to go near there again. Do you understand me James?" Spock ordered while holding the fragile human closer as if terrified he would be ripped away from him.

"Okay," Jim answered with a miniscule shiver. He had never heard Spock say his name like that before. Simultaneously angry and relieved. A curse and blessing. "How did you find me?"

Spock's grip on Jim tightened before relaxing again as he remembered how exactly he found Jim.

_"Spock, it's good to see you're faring well considering everything," Uhura praised._

_"Meditation has helped," Spock politely replied while accepting a cup of Vulcan tea from her._

_"Do you have any questions?" Uhura asked before blowing gently on her own cup of tea._

_Uhura had offered Spock to answer anything he was confused or interested in. She did not word it exactly that way knowing that he would adamantly deny feeling such emotions. Regardless Spock understood what she originally meant. She always asked when they meet up, but Spock merely dismissed the topic. He was not interested in what his future self was like. It was not him. It could not be. Spock had plans. He was going to join the Vulcan Space Academy, and prove himself to be worthy of his Vulcan heritage._

_"What was my relationship," Spock paused to glance down at his tea. He was unsure on whether he should ask this, but it had been plaguing his mind. Meditation had not even been able to help._

_"Yes?" Uhura gently prompted with a kind smile. She figured he was going to finally ask what kind of relationship he and she shared._

_"What was my relationship with Jim Kirk?" Spock asked oblivious to Uhura's face falling slightly._

_"Oh," Uhura mumbled catching Spock's perspective attention._

_She lightly flushed and took a small of sip in hopes of hiding how disappointed she was with that question. It was definitely not what she was expecting. With a silent sigh she knew that she should have anticipated as much. When it came to Spock it was always about duty and Kirk. Somewhere along the way the two morphed together and Spock's duty was to Kirk. Uhura was a tough girl and handled the break up like a lady, but that didn't mean she didn't want to kick Kirk's ass sometimes. She didn't want to blame him. She really didn't, but it was one of those things that couldn't be helped._

_"You do not have to answer if you are unware or uncomfortable with my question," Spock announced before pushing his empty teacup away._

_"No, it's okay Spock. It just took me by…surprise," Uhura quickly replied not wanting to deter him._

_She promised she would answer any question he had, and she wasn't going to go back on her word. Uhura slowly rose to her feet, and took both teacups with her to the sink. She needed some time to process the question. She wanted him to know that she took his question seriously. She knew that Spock would only want the facts, and not people's personal opinions. She wanted to carefully choose her words. Uhura didn't want Spock to know about her suspicions when it came to Jim and his relationship._

_"You and Kirk, Jim…are very good friends and colleagues," Uhura started off while facing the sink. She turned around offering him a small smile and her full attention. "When you guys first met you couldn't stand each other. You both were just too different, but after all the missions and long hours those differences didn't seem so big. In fact, they brought you guys closer together. I think…"_

_"Please continue," Spock impassively encouraged, but Uhura could see the burning curiosity and interest shining in his eyes._

_"I think you both saw a part of yourselves in the other," Uhura finished making Spock raise an eyebrow bemused._

_"Clarify," Spock requested._

_"In the years I have known you I have never seen someone get an emotional reaction out like he has. Kirk is a lot of things: Wild, impulsive, playboy, arrogant, and stubborn as hell. His personality grinds against everything you stand for, but for some reason he's the only one…you let…in and see you." Uhura had to stop because the topic was getting too painful. Spock must having seen this stood up and subtly bowed his head._

_"Thank you Lt. Uhura for answering my question. I will take my leave now," Spock informed before heading out._

_Spock walked down the hall calmly even as his mind was plagued with even more questions. He was aware that he could not ask Lt. Uhura them without emotionally compromising her. He could question Dr. McCoy, but he did not find that option appealing. The doctor was cantankerous and Spock had the feeling he would be either snapped at or taunted. No, Dr. McCoy was not an option._

_Suddenly Spock stopped halfway to his room when he got a sinking feeling in his stomach. It confused him greatly because normally he did not get knots like this. When Spock was about to continue walking he found himself turning around and heading to engineering. Something was wrong. He did not know what, but had an instinctual need to check it out. Spock figured that if he was overreacting then no one would be the wiser anyways. He spent a lot of time in engineering when he was not in the science labs or in his room._

_When he saw Jim reaching out towards the warp core chamber it felt like his blood was replaced with ice water. He had to stop him. He did not know why, but Jim was not to be around that area. It was off limits. It gave Spock a sense of dread and anguish that even his emotional control could not bury. Spock marched over there on a mission to rescue his distressed future friend. If Lt. Uhura was correct_ _then_ _Spock could not deny his future self of such a relationship._

Spock slowly pulled away from Jim with a contemplative expression. Lt. Uhura said that Jim was the only person who could emotionally compromise him. She was right Spock realized. He was emotionally compromised when it came to the younger boy. Was this how his future self felt all the time? A constant state of roaring emotions visually concealed, but barely kept buried under his Vulcan control. Why would he want to go through this on a daily basis? Spock did not understand his future self. Clearly his future self needed help.

"Spock, can…we keep this to ourselves?" Jim requested before furiously whipping the tears from his face.

"If that is what you wish Jim," Spock answered as he watched the boy clean himself up.

Neither boy could pinpoint why they reacted the way they did when near the warp core chamber. That small area in engineering determinedly avoided by both men even before the incident happened. Neither remembered the day they lost each other.

But the chief engineer sure did.

Scotty watched the scene from a safe distance. If Spock hadn't showed up he was going to lead Jim away from it himself. Unsurprisingly though Spock did show up. He had a knack for showing up for Jim just when he was needed. Scotty smiled to himself as the two young boys walked away. Spock's hand firm on Jim's shoulder. No one mentioned the way Spock's hand fell down to Jim's lower back. The indecipherable look they shared when Jim leaned into Spock's touch. Well, no one said a word about that either.

**-KS-KS-KS-KS-KS-**

"Is there something I can do for you?" Spock finally asked after Jim continued to stare at him without saying anything.

Both boys were lounging in Jim's room. Even though Spock's room was cleaned up he didn't like being in there unless it was to sleep or meditate. It always reminded him of the day he found out about the destruction of Vulcan. The death of his mother. Spock discovered that spending time with Jim didn't make him forget, he would never be able to forget, but Jim somehow lessened the pain of the loss.

"Can I touch your ears?" Jim asked with a light blush staining his cheeks.

He tried his best to ignore the temptation to touch Spock's ears, but they were just there. Jim wasn't used to curbing his urges.

Spock stopped reading to look up at the younger boy who was lying on the bed. Maybe he had misheard Jim. He could not have possibly said what he just did. Spock noticed the pinkish hue Jim took on and deduced that he did in fact say that. Vulcans' ears were pointed and very sensitive not only to sound, but to touch as well. Vulcans normally did not allow others to touch their hands or ears because of their enhanced sensitivity.

"Proceed," Spock murmured while closing his book.

His back was ramrod straight, and his whole body was still and tense. Just as Spock was about to warn Jim to be careful there was a light touch on the tip of his ear. Shivers rippled throughout Spock's body. Jim had moved to the end of the bed behind Spock who was sitting on the floor in meditation pose. Spock found himself closing his eyes against his will. Jim's touch was gentle, almost hesitant, but very soothing.

"Are you purring?" Jim asked with wide smile as his finger traced the shell of Spock's ear.

Spock immediately silenced the low rumble emitting from his chest. A deep green colored the tips of his ear, and faded as it got to his cheeks. Spock did not realize that he was making any noise. He had not made a sound like that since he was a young child and his mother would soothe him by playing with his hair. He stopped "purring" when his father caught him and scolded him for it. Vulcans would relate more to the earthen felines than to canines so it is possible for a Vulcan to emit a low purring sound. It rarely happens because it comes from emotional or physical pleasure which is illogical and therefore suppressed.

"It's okay Spock," Jim whispered while brushing against the tip again. This time he noticed the shiver wrack through Spock's tense body. "Does that feel good?"

"Jim, stop." Spock ordered without any real threat as Jim brushed both of Spock's ears making him let out a soft moan.

"It does feel good," Jim affirmed with a wicked grin.

Jim lived on impulses. He relied on his daring instincts and fierce intellect. His first urge was to touch Spock's ears. Jim wasn't about to ignore his second impulse to do more. He could tell Spock's ears were sensitive. Jim wondered just how sensitive they were. Before Spock could react Jim leaned down and licked the tip of Spock's green tinted ear.

Spock's body went rigid, but his breathing was laborious. It was taking all of his control not react. A part of him, the logical sensible part, wanted to tear himself away from the brazen human. Another larger part of him desired the enticing human. A part of him that Spock didn't understand. Was afraid to understand.

Spock questioned Lt. Uhura about the nature of his future self and Jim's relationship, but he did not need to. The moment Spock came in contact with Jim he knew. Spock was overwhelmed by the smell of cinnamon and desert rain. His scent was all over the teenaged boy. It did not make any sense. Why would the boy, a boy he never met before, be marked by Spock's scent?

Spock ignored his Vulcan logic for once in his life. Instead he turned his head to side and tilted his face up to look at Jim. There was a devious smile plastered on his face, and a wicked glint in his deep blue eyes. Jim knew exactly what he was doing. Spock wondered if Jim was as drawn to him as he was to Jim.

"Stop thinking so much," Jim murmured huskily while leaning in closer.

Before Spock could tell him that it was impossible to stop thinking he felt a pressure on his lips.

Jim was kissing him. Illogical.

Spock kissed back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Hope you liked it! Let me know what you thought!


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer** : I don't own anything, and mean no disrespect to the characters or actors who portray them.

Jim never in his wildest dreams imagined that Spock would kiss him back. He figured at worst a trip to medbay with a black eye and busted lip, or at best a blank stare that said to never do it again. But no, Spock was actually kissing him back, and quite enthusiastically so. Jim was surprised by what an amazing kisser he was. Spock's lips were softer than they looked, but demanding nonetheless. He tasted sweet and spicy, like cinnamon. Jim found it addicting, and wanted to find out if he tasted like that everywhere. For a Vulcan with suppressed emotions Spock sure knew what he wanted and wasn't afraid to go after it. Jim liked that in a guy.

Spock pulled away just long enough so he can reposition himself so he was on his knees facing Jim. He looked completely calm like Jim wasn't just trying to kiss the life out of him. That geeky bowl cut was neat as ever, and he wasn't even breathing hard. Jim smirked to himself considering it a challenge. Jim loved a good challenge. He was going to break through that Vulcan stoicism, and have Spock begging for him. Jim leaned down capturing Spock's lips in another heated kiss. Spock was completely still, but his hands clutched the bedframe almost bending the metal under his grip. If Jim wasn't being kissed back like he was the air Spock breathed then he wouldn't have known Spock was even enjoying it. Jim couldn't have known that Spock was little by little losing his Vulcan control. That Jim made it so much harder for him to stay under control.

Jim pulled away this time causing Spock to let out a low whine from the back of his throat. Before Jim could even comment on that Spock lashed out pulling Jim off the bed. Jim yelped in disbelief as Spock gathered him into his strong arms so Jim's back was pressed against Spock's chest. He didn't think there wasn't an ounce of fat on Spock because he was enveloped by blazing lean muscle. Spock's arms, chest, and thighs. It was amazing. Jim so caught up in how toned Spock was didn't notice at first the older boy affectionately nuzzling his neck. There was that low rumbling sound again, and Jim could feel Spock's chest vibrating against his back. That was more like it Jim internally boasted.

In any other situation Jim would have felt trapped and powerless. He knew that Vulcans were three times the strength and speed of humans so Spock could easily overpower him. Jim would normally hate that, but there was something about Spock that didn't make Jim recoil. Maybe it was the idea that they were great friends before whatever the hell happened to the both of them. Maybe it was because despite all that muscle and power there was something almost gentle about Spock. Something warm and compassionate.

Jim was a great judge of character because of everything he had been through, and Spock was in no way a bad guy. Too serious and a stickler for rules, but a good guy nonetheless. Jim hadn't known a lot of good guys in his short lifetime. It was strange, yet refreshing, to come across one. Especially one who was supposedly meant to be his best friend one day.

Jim's social skills weren't on par with most teenagers his age because he had cultured many other more important skills. Some skills he learned in the hundreds of textbooks he read, and some skills people can only acquire through suffering and surviving. So maybe Jim was mistaken, but last time he checked best friends didn't make out with each other. He wondered as Spock started kissing down his neck if the crew knew about the nature of Spock and his future's self relationship. Everyone extremely close to the two (Bones, Uhura, Chekov, Sulu, and Scotty) presumed that they were friends, but Jim had a hard time believing that. If what Bones said about them being best friends was true then Jim seriously doubted that Bones didn't know his two best friends and superior officers were hooking up.

Jim didn't trust anyone, and did his best to push everyone away. So it only made sense that even de-aged Jim felt a connection with the crew because of the relationship his future self had with them. The connections he felt couldn't be explained any other way. He felt friendship with mostly everyone on the crew, but had more of brotherly, almost fatherly, connection with Bones. If he really was de-aged, and he couldn't not believe it now, then all those connections were understandable. What wasn't clear was his connection with Spock. Friends? Unlikely. There was almost a need to be near Spock in any way possible. In every way possible. That wasn't friendship. It couldn't be.

"Spock!" Jim moaned when the persistent Vulcan started sucking on his neck, and successfully pulled Jim away from his thoughts.

The purring got louder showing just how much Spock delighted in hearing his name come from Jim's mouth. Jim had always been a cheeky bastard so he moaned Spock's name even louder. His hand sneaking behind him so he could run his fingers through that silky black hair. Jim was immensely pleased that he got to muss up Spock's neat bowl cut. Once there would be a noticeable bruise physically marking Jim as his Spock pulled away slightly. He pressed his forehead against the back of Jim's neck, and closed his eyes enjoying Jim's nimble fingers brushing through his hair.

"Jim," Spock hissed when the younger man pulled his hair in a painfully pleasurable way.

Jim pulled himself out of Spock's arms immensely relieved that the Vulcan let him go. Begrudgingly, but still let him free nonetheless. Before Spock could protest the absence Jim was straddling his lap. Spock stared into his bright blue eyes that looked too blue to be earthen. They almost glowed in the dimmed lighting. His blonde hair wild and messy much like the brazen boy's personality. Jim's emotions were so volatile Spock could feel them seeping through the cracks in his shield. He could sense Jim's anxiety, arousal, confusion, excitement, fear, and fondness like it was his own. Spock's emotions were always carefully buried, and having Jim's wash through him was like Vulcan rain. Rare and unexpected, but refreshing and essential to survival.

Jim was like a drug to Spock. His entirety was consuming and demanded Spock's full attention. Everything was considered good in moderation, but Spock wanted Jim all day every day. Before he did not understand what drew him to the human, but now it was painfully obvious. His future self had marked Jim. Any other alien with a superior olfactory sense would be able to smell Spock's scent on him. Therefore they would not touch what was not there's. If they did then his future self would be forced to put that offending alien back in his or her place.

With those facts in mind it is understandable why Spock was drawn to Jim even before they became knowledgeable about their circumstance. The memories and emotions of his future self must be buried in the deep recesses of his current age's mind. With the familiarity provided by the ship and the crew then those subconscious traits must be seeping into his current conscious mind. The past and future colliding to make his convoluted present.

Spock was knocked out of his thoughts when Jim kissed him again. Never before had anything been able to calm Spock's roaring mind. Not like this. Spock placed his hands on Jim's thin waist as the blonde wrapped his arms around Spock's neck. Both of them pulling the other closer. Demanding more and more from each other. Jim licked Spock's bottom lip asking for permission. At first Spock was repelled by the thought of Jim's tongue in his mouth, but then, almost against his will, his lips parted. Jim's tongue ventured in and brushed against his own, and Spock no longer had any qualms about it. Jim's tongue was wicked and experienced. He knew exactly what he was doing, and Spock just followed the human's lead.

It was so pleasurable Spock could barely contain himself. Every instinct inside him challenging his Vulcan control. The nature of his ancestors of the pre-Surakian days wanted him to take Jim and mate with him. Claim him. Bond with him. Spock had a tenuous hold on his logic so he did none of these things even though it seemed like it was his only desire at the time. He remained in control of his more basic instincts, but that did not stop Spock from enjoying his Jim. Yes, his Jim because who else could he belong to? Spock laid Jim down so he was hovering over his future mate. Spock continued kissing Jim with fervor.

Spock didn't really give off the inexperienced vibe, but knowing about Vulcan practices Jim figured he didn't have much. Not that one could tell. Spock had extraordinary inherent talents in the art of pleasure. Making out with Spock was amazing. He gave as much as he took. He definitely wouldn't be a self-centered lover. Possessive no doubt if the hickey he gave Jim was any sign to go by. That was okay though because Jim was the same way. He never liked sharing, and wasn't going to start now. Especially with a gem like Spock. He was the whole package and made Jim selfish.

Spock held Jim's hands in his own as he pinned him to the floor. Jim was okay with it at first, but then panic started seeping in. He couldn't move. He was defenseless. Nights at Tarsus where he was running for his life flooded his mind. Memories of trading his body for food so he could survive another day. Help his small group of kids eat and drink. Greedy hands touching him in ways Jim didn't want. Stop it! Don't! Pretty boy, good boy. It won't hurt. Liars. Pain. Feeling like he was being ripped apart. Not strong enough. Not fast enough.

Jim closed his eyes as tears started to form. No, he was safe now. He was off Tarsus. He was on the USS Enterprise. Safe. He was fine. Alive. It was only Spock. It was Spock. Spock was safety. Jim retreated further into himself unable to separate his nightmares from reality. Jim didn't realize he was struggling and thrashing around until Spock shouted his name.

"Jim…Jim…Jim!"

Jim looked up at Spock breathing hard for reasons not involving Spock's skilled mouth. His gaze was moving around rapidly searching for an escape. A wave of calm crashed into him causing him to grow still. A peace that was not his own, but he welcomed it like it was. Anything was better the terror slowly eating him alive. Jim looked up at Spock with tears trailing down his cheeks. Spock's face was expressionless, but the furrowed eyebrows and downturn of his lips showed Spock was alarmed. Fear and worry shone in those deep brown eyes.

"Jim, my Jim, what is wrong? Did…did I do something?" Spock softly asked while looking away as shame filled him. He had caused his future mate harm. Spock slowly got off Jim, and instead sat next to him not wanting to further distress the younger male.

"Spock, look at me," Jim whispered and remained silent until Spock did as he was instructed. "It wasn't you. I'm just so fucked up—"

"Jim, do not speak about yourself that way. Not in my presence." Spock gently snapped feeling his katra hurt at the mere thought of his mate being so self-depreciating.

"No, Spock. Something happened to me. Something…bad, and I just…certain things set me off. It's not you…you're…well, amazing," Jim mumbled the last part with a bright pink blush.

"I am sorry Jim. I am here for you," Spock replied while running a soothing hand through Jim's mop of hair.

"Thank you," Jim murmured sleepily. Spock could tell the mental and emotional turmoil was taking a toll on the younger boy.

"Rest Jim. I will be here when you wake," Spock promised while continuing to run his fingers through Jim's tousled hair.

Jim slowly drifted off to sleep, and for the first time in a long time he wasn't afraid of what would greet him when he woke up.

**-KS-KS-KS-KS-KS-**

Spock slowly opened his eyes breaking his meditation when he felt a weight on his lap. After Jim fell asleep Spock carried him to the bed and tucked him in. Spock had to stop himself from smiling when Jim snuggled deeper into the blankets. Jim had a number of qualities that often tested Spock's Vulcan control in both good and bad ways. The human was temperamental and extremely impulsive, but intelligent with a steadfast determination. In many ways Spock saw a part of himself in Jim. A part that he buried under Surak's principles.

Spock looked down at his future mate who was trying to curl up in Spock's lap. He held back a very human sigh when Jim cuddled closer while wrapping his arms around Spock's waist. There was a small content smile gracing Jim's features. While awake Jim appeared observant and ready for anything, but in sleep there was a peacefulness about him that fascinated Spock. It was like two completely different people. One was a warrior while the other one was almost childlike.

Spock could not even be upset his meditation was interrupted because Jim looked so perfect in slumber. He brushed some hair out of Jim's face, but froze when he shifted in his sleep. Spock's hope that he did not wake his future mate was shattered when Jim's eyelids fluttered open revealing his memorizing blue eyes. Guilt tugged at Spock, but then Jim sleepily smiled up at him.

"Hey," Jim murmured through a yawn. "You're so warm," Jim absentmindedly commented.

"I come from a desert planet so my body composition, including temperature, would be much different than your own. Are you well rested? You have only been asleep for two hours and thirty-five minutes," Spock stated while watching Jim stretch.

"Yeah, I'm used to it," Jim offhandedly said. "Don't worry about it," Jim scolded when he saw the tiny frown on Spock's face.

"Worry is a human—"

Jim cut him off by pushing Spock down onto his back. Jim smirked at the eyebrow raise he got in return. He knew that Spock could have stopped him if he wanted so it meant so much more that Spock didn't stop him. Jim leaned down and pecked Spock's lips. Before Spock could kiss back Jim pulled away earning a low growl from the Vulcan beneath him. Jim started kissing down Spock's smooth neck until he reached the spot where Spock took in more air than usual. That was his spot. Right where Jim could feel Spock's racing pulse under his lips. It was the same weak spot he had. The same spot Spock covered in a hickey. It was only fair that Jim returned the favor.

"Jim," Spock quietly moaned while closing his eyes. The grip on the human's waist slightly tightening. He found immense pleasure in Jim marking him just like Spock had done to him.

Jim was so focused on marking Spock as his, and Spock was so lost in being marked that neither heard the door hiss open.

"WHAT THE HELL? BRAIN BLEACH! I NEED BRAIN BLEACH!"

They both heard that.

**-KS-KS-KS-KS-KS-**

"I don't see what the big deal is," Jim snapped while obstinately crossing his arms.

Bones had blown a fuse and completely lost it. He sent Spock straight to his room. It took a serious staring match to get Spock to move, but eventually the little hobglobin left. Jim immediately went on the offensive, but Bones quickly knocked him down a few pegs setting him on the defensive. Bones didn't think Jim and Spock would be caught making out until they were older. Jim was only thirteen dammit! They were just babies! They had no business taking a roll in the hay! Bones was livid, but to say that he wasn't expecting it would be a lie. He knew it would eventually happen, but Bones still wasn't prepared for this shit.

"Jim, you're only thirteen years old. Spock's only fifteen. You guys are just too young for this—"

"Too young?" Jim interrupted with a cynical laugh. "I've been too young for a lot of things Bones!"

Bones stopped whatever tirade he planned on going on. He had seen his friend broken and bruised, but he had never seen Jim so hateful. Bones knew that Jim didn't hate him, but he almost wished Jim did. It would be better than Jim hating himself so much. Bones didn't see it before, but now it was clear as day. Jim blamed himself for everything that had happened to him in life. His dad dying in a blaze of glory. His mom dumping him with Frank, that abusive drunk. Whatever he had to do to survive the Tarsus famine. Jim honest to God thought he deserved it. He hated himself because of it.

"Jim," Bones choked out but then stopped the clear his throat. "I'm going to tell you a story."

"Whatever," Jim sneered while looking away, but Bones knew that he was listening.

"I was married once. She was beautiful and everything I thought I wanted. Her name is Jocelyn," Bones paused trying to gather himself. Normally he didn't talk about his ex unless he had half a bottle of whiskey in his belly.

"And?" Jim mumbled while trying to ignore the way his stomach lurched at the name. He instantly didn't like her, but couldn't explain why.

"Everything was perfect at first. A dream come true, but then something changed. Somewhere along the way Jocelyn started caring less about me and more about money. No matter what I gave her it was never enough. I worked more so she could get more, but then she complained about me never spending time with her. It was a no win situation," Bones declared making Jim scowl.

"Sounds like a real prize," Jim sardonically complimented with a snarky eye roll. Bones wasn't deterred in the slightest at Jim's derisive attitude.

"Then she got pregnant, and I swear it was the greatest news I've ever heard. We had a precious baby girl. We named her Joanna," Bones continued with a sad smile.

"Cute name," Jim murmured as his insides twisted slightly. Joanna. Did his future self know about Bones' family? He must have.

"She was an angel. Had me wrapped around her little finger. I did everything for my princess. She was three years old when Jocelyn and I got divorced," Bones muttered while clenching his fists. Jim dutifully ignored the tears forming in his friend's eyes.

"She took the whole damn planet in the divorce," Jim recalled making Bones look up at him surprised. A small grin slowly growing on his face. Jim remembered even if he didn't realize it.

"Yeah, she really did," Bones replied while relaxing a bit. This was still Jim. His best friend. "I get to see her every shore leave, and vid-chat her as much as I can. It's the best I can do, but it's not the same."

"I can't imagine it would be," Jim responded without any of the antagonism he had before. His friend Bones was a survivor too. He suffered too. Jim was so blinded by his own issues he didn't see how Bones was barely hanging on himself.

"It's so hard seeing her grow up, and not be there for her every step of the way. Jocelyn did whatever she could to keep Joanna to herself, but I have amazing friends in high places who can pull strings for me," Bones commented making Jim smirk. He couldn't be sure but Jim had a feeling that Bones was talking about Spock and him.

"I bet you do," Jim cockily announced making Bones bark out laughing. It was a sight Jim didn't even realize he was missing until now.

"Smartass," Bones scolded with a full grin. "It was the hardest for me at first when everything was fresh. I left to join Starfleet, but I never planned on making it that far…" Bones trailed off while looking away as tears filled his eyes once more.

"Bones," Jim whispered not liking where this was going. It felt too raw and personal. Dread filled him making him feel nauseas.

"I took up drinking, and figured it would just be easier to forget. I wasn't thinking clearly. I spent a few nights in the hospital for alcohol poisoning. I just wanted it to end. The pain. The heartache. Everything—"

"Stop it," Jim snapped when tears started stinging his own eyes. He didn't want to hear this anymore. It hurt too much. He didn't want to know. Jim jumped up and stormed over to the door to leave. He had to escape.

"You saved me Jim," Bones called after him turning Jim's legs to lead. He couldn't move. Even if he wanted to. He was frozen in place from the shock of that confession. "You were always there to pick me up from the hospital. There when I thought about slitting my wrists. There when I tried swallowing a bottle of pills. I never knew how you did it, but you always showed up just in time. Eventually you moved yourself into my place. Slept on the crappy couch I had every night. You reminded me that even though I couldn't be with Joanna all the time she was still mine. You would always tell me that no one deserved to grow up without a father. You saved my life Jim."

Jim's shoulders began to shake as the tears he tried so hard to stop started trailing down his face. He clenched his fists trying to regain himself, but the tears kept coming hard and fast. The pain in his heart was overwhelming. A part of it came from the suffering Bones went through with his bitch ex wife and sweet daughter he never got to see. It was so unfair. Bones was perfect. Yeah he was a cantankerous pessimist, but that was just his shield. He was also loyal, talented, brilliant, funny, and understanding. Bones deserved to have his daughter in his life.

The other part that caused the ache in Jim's heart came from the thought that his friend almost committed suicide. How many times had Jim thought about just giving up and letting someone kill him? What kept him going? Jim figured he'd survive just to spite everyone who wanted him dead. Jim didn't really have a reason to live back on Tarsus. It was almost too much to know that his future self became someone's reason to go on. Jim was there to help Bones through one of the toughest times in his life. Maybe that was what kept Jim going. He couldn't have possibly known what kind of man he was going to become, but maybe deep down he had feeling. A hope that he was meant for so much more.

"Jim…are you okay?" Bones hesitantly asked while walking up the silent boy. He placed a hand between Jim's rigid shoulder blades. Bones felt his friend gradually relax under his touch.

"Bones, there all the time or not Joanna is lucky to have you as a father. You…you are the closest thing…I've ever had to a dad," Jim whispered through his tears. Bones immediately spun him around and enveloped him into a tight hug nearly crushing his younger friend.

"Why else would I call you infant? I love you Jim. You are the best son anyone could ask for," Bones choked out while letting Jim sob into his chest.

They stood there together clutching onto each other for dear life. Colleagues, best friends, brothers, and in this moment father and son.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Hope you liked it! Let me know what you thought!


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer** : I own nothing, and mean no disrespect to the characters or the actors who portray them.

Jim dodged a punched Sulu aimed for his head, and then swiftly deflected a cross kick to his side. Sulu was a quiet and calculated opponent, but Jim didn't let that deter him. He was used to facing men twice his strength and size, but they were too brash and always underestimated him. Another notable difference was that the men Jim normally fought were always after something, whether it be his stuff, his life, or something more. Sulu wasn't after any of those things which made the fight less severe and more entertaining. He was also shorter and relied more on his speed and stamina than brute strength. It was quite refreshing to spar someone so put together, and even better that Jim didn't have anything on the line to lose.

After their heart to heart Bones asked if it would be really so hard if Jim spent some time away from Spock. He knew that Bones wanted to hear that it would be a piece of cake, but it wouldn't be and that was what scared Jim. Spock had somehow wormed his way in and become vital to Jim's…existence. It was terrifying that someone could become so important. Especially for Jim who depended on and lived for no one other than himself. Jim knew better than most that once you give a part of yourself to someone then you give them a power over you along with that piece. A power to either save or destroy you. That was why after all the shit he had been through with people Jim belonged to no one but himself. He was already running low on pieces he could give away, and didn't plan on losing himself to someone else.

Apparently all that went to shit when he joined the Starfleet Academy. Bones recounted the way the two of them met, and Jim could instantly see why he befriended the crabby doctor. His future self must have sensed that out of all the Starfleet clones Bones was one of the exceptions. Like Jim. They were the crazy geniuses that the clones would never understand, and the higher ups would always fear. Both of them had the ability to see through the bullshit, and take every hit that came their way. They were survivors and fighters. Bones may seem like a father to Jim now, but it was clear from the stories he was told that Bones and his future self were brothers. It made sense to Jim who never had a brother before. Well, he had Sam, but Jim never counted him before and wasn't going to start now. Jim could tell from the way Bones looked at him that Bones would rather die than leave him behind. There are two types of family. Ones that are born, and then ones that are made.

Before Jim got released from medbay after the whole shuttle fiasco he read through all the personal files of the senior officers. He made sure he knew every word on those files because back then he still didn't trust them. Even though he trusted Bones and Spock the others were still strangers to him. Therefore it was in Jim's best interest to spend some time with them. Jim was curious on who else his future self considered to be family. He decided that he would approach Sulu first, and see where he would go from there. Jim easily recalled Sulu's file:

Lieutenant Hikaru Sulu. Top of his class in astrosciences which was what made him such a phenomenal pilot. He was also trained in hand to hand combat. Judo to be exact. He also had an interest in weaponry. When he was at Starfleet Academy he founded the European Swordsmanship Club. He was a skilled fencer, but weapon of choice was the katana. He had a wide range of hobbies, but his passion resided in botany. He was also top of the class in his advanced botany class. He continued collecting and documenting alien foliage aboard the USS Enterprise where he currently resided.

Jim was actually well versed in botany, but he didn't have a passion for it like Sulu did. Most of knowledge came from a crash course on Tarsus, and the little he knew from textbooks before then. While Jim was curious about what plants Sulu had in the botany labs he was even more interested in sparring with the experienced fighter. Hopefully pick up a few tricks that he could apply to his own fighting style. Jim didn't have high expectations when he approached Sulu during the lieutenant's off hours. He figured Sulu would either be uninterested in or reluctant to hang out with the shadow of the man he knew. Jim had no delusions about how the crew would take to him.

Who he was now compared to who the crew were familiar with were completely different people. Which is why Jim was so surprised when Sulu responded to his invitation to hang out so enthusiastically. Their sparring match gathered an audience, but neither of the fighters paid any attention to their spectators. Jim kept focus on Sulu who was almost as fast as him. A second's distraction could end the match, and Jim wasn't going underestimate his opponent. Sulu lashed out in a blur of color barely giving Jim enough time to react. Jim trusted his gut instincts, and plunged to the floor knocking Sulu off balance. He placed too much power in the punch for it not to hit something. Before Sulu could reorient himself Jim pushed himself forward and tackled Sulu to the ground. They wrestled around for a bit, but eventually Jim caught Sulu in a submission hold. Either Sulu tapped out or Jim could break his arm. He wouldn't of course, but he could.

Instead of getting angry or embarrassed like Jim expected Sulu smiled widely and tapped the floor. Jim released him, and popped up to his feet. In an act of good sportsmanship Jim leaned down offering his hand which Sulu took with an appreciative nod. Their onlookers broke out in applause making Jim hide his nerves behind a cocky smirk. Sulu waved a hand in acknowledgment, but then motioned Jim to follow him to the locker rooms. Jim not wanting to be left to be gawked out hurriedly followed after him. Jim instantly relaxed once the locker room's door closed behind him. He was allowed to use the senior officers' locker room since he was still technically James T. Kirk. Just younger.

"You were great out there," Sulu complimented while stripping out of his sweaty shirt.

"Thanks," Jim replied while heading over to his locker. "You were really fast. It was hard to keep up. I never faced someone so centered before. Had to get creative."

Jim felt uncomfortable changing in front of Sulu even though he knew that Sulu was a good guy. Old habits and all that. Sulu had a few marks scattered across his back and chest, but Jim had a whole own museum of scars on display. Some more fresh than others. Jim just silently hoped that Sulu wouldn't say anything about them. Jim turned his back, but tensed rigidly when he felt Sulu's eyes on him. He just knew that Sulu was taking in every wound trying to figure out what could cause each one. Jim kept waiting for the questions, but they never came.

"On our first mission together we had to space jump onto a high-tech drill. You didn't even flinch when we free fell. After fighting a few Romulans the drill became unstable, and I got knocked off. I was falling without a shoot, and you jumped after me without a moment's hesitation." Sulu announced after a few minutes of silence. Jim paused changing and looked at him wondering why Sulu was telling him this.

"And?" Jim pressed while defensively crossing his arms. He didn't know what to expect from Sulu, and that set him on edge.

"I've seen you save hundreds upon hundreds of people. Collecting scars like souvenirs on the skin. You've shared the history of almost each one with me. Jim, you're my captain, but you're also my good friend. There's nothing you need to hide from me," Sulu promised with a small sincere but serious smile. He nodded once before turning back to continue changing.

Jim stared at Sulu's back in complete unguarded awe. He never imagined that one day he would share the secrets of his scars with someone. He was always too ashamed and considered them a weakness. Something someone could and would use against him. Jim couldn't even fathom how his future self would become so comfortable with showing off his scars to someone. Sulu turned and studied Jim's expression before he could successfully hide the confusion and disbelief he was feeling.

"I…My…I'm not my future self," Jim practically blurted out not knowing what else to say. Sulu lightly chuckled, and then lifted his shirt pointing a small white circular scar.

"We were in a fire fight, and I jumped in front of a bullet for you. It is my duty to always protect my captain no matter the cost, but more than that you are my friend. I dropped to the ground bleeding, and you know what you did?" Sulu questioned while Jim looked at the circular scar with racing thoughts.

"What?" Jim croaked out unable to find his voice.

"You laid on top of me until we were beamed out. You told me you wouldn't let me die down there. You risked your life for mine, and because of it added a new scar to your collection," Sulu answered with fond exasperation. "Maybe around four minutes before we were transported away a bullet grazed your back leaving behind a small two inch white line on your shoulder. Every time I see it I feel guilty, but then I remember that you saved my life…again. No scar from your past, physical, mental, or emotional, could ever make me forget that."

"Sulu…I…thank you," Jim whispered while looking down in hopes of hiding his watery eyes.

"Scars show people that we're stronger than whatever tried to hurt us Jim. You, now and in the future, are the strongest person I know." Sulu declared while placing a firm but gentle hand on Jim's shoulder.

Suddenly in that moment every scar that Jim always considered to be a sign of weakness became the exact opposite. He overcame Frank and Tarsus, and maybe because of that Jim knew he could survive through so much worse. Every scar that once felt like a brand on his skin became a medal. One day, not today but one day, Jim would be able to share his stories with someone else.

"There was this one time…"

**-KS-KS-KS-KS-KS-**

"Spock, we can't do this. I have to shower. Stop," Jim moaned as Spock continued to kiss and suck down his neck.

"Do you want me to desist?" Spock murmured, his lips brushing tantalizingly against his future mate's sensitive spot. Jim shivered as he felt Spock's catlike tongue drag across his sweaty skin.

"No, please don't," Jim whispered shamelessly.

Spock continued lavishing his future mate with undivided attention and affection. Jim let out the most addicting little moans that Spock could not get enough of. Little did the two boys know that Bones was marching through the halls searching for them. When he found them they both were going to be assaulted with enough hypos that their necks would be hurting for a month.

He was a doctor not a chastity belt dammit!

**-KS-KS-KS-KS-KS-**

After getting caught by a furious Dr. McCoy Spock was sent on his way while Jim was dragged away. While he was concerned for his future mate Spock was confident the doctor would not carry out any of his outlandish threats. Spock decided that since he was already familiar with Lt. Uhura, Dr. McCoy, and of course his Jim then he should acquaint himself with the rest of the senior officers. Spock had…procured the private files of the senior officers, and memorized the information if there every came a time where he would need it. Now was said time. After much deliberation Spock had chosen to meet with Ensign Chekov first. His file was most fascinating:

Ensign Chekov Pavel Andreievich. Child Prodigy. Graduated from Moscow State University, and then immediately enlisted in Starfleet after. Very skilled navigation specialist due to his expertise in physics and mathematics. His position as navigator/helmsman made him also knowledgeable as a weapons officer. It was fascinating to see that the young prodigy was also a relief science officer. Once he graduated from Starfleet Academy he was assigned the USS Enterprise as chief navigator. From that point on he also shadowed Chief Engineer Montgomery Scott down in engineering.

Before Spock and Jim scandalous encounter Jim told him that he sparred with Lt. Sulu. They shared a moment of companionship that Spock hopes will mirror his own with Ensign Chekov. Other than what was on his file Spock knew little of the Russian prodigy. Dr. McCoy had said once that Spock was a "rock star" to Ensign Chekov, but Dr. McCoy had been known for his exaggerations. Therefore, with the little data he had Spock walked up to Ensign Chekov when he knew that the ensign would be off duty. Spock was satisfyingly pleased when Ensign Chekov was amicable to his suggestion of acquainting themselves with each other.

In the beginning of their discourse they discussed applied physics and engineering. Spock found the young Russian very emotional, but also mentally stimulating. His enthusiasm for science and pursuit of knowledge was both admirable and endearing. Spock found himself on more than one occasion wondering what his elder self thought about the prodigy. In small ways he saw a bit of himself in Ensign Chekov. Both grew up surrounded by people who underestimated and talked down to them because of their young age even though their intellect far surpassed those around them.

"Meester Spock," Ensign Chekov prompted pulling Spock from his internal reflections.

"Yes, Ensign Chekov?" Spock replied while turning to look at the young Russian prodigy.

"You can call me Pavel or just Chekov sir," Ensign Chekov answered with a wide grin and heavy accent.

"Very well. Then I request that you simply call me Spock," Spock responded with a small nod of approval.

"Oh no! I cannot possibly do that. You are my superior officer," Chekov countered with wide eyes.

"I am only fifteen earth years. I am no one's superior officer, and merely a passenger aboard the ship until further notice. You are my elder when I am this age," Spock politely corrected making Chekov fall silent. A thoughtful expression consuming his face.

"We both know that age zis only a number," Chekov murmured this time making Spock grow quiet. He briefly considered Chekov's statement.

"Yes. You have not let your age dictate what others expect of you," Spock commented making the prodigy blush. Spock did not mean it as a compliments as compliments are illogical, but he could not control the warm feeling he got seeing Chekov glow under the praise.

"Neither have you Meester Spock. You have been wery inspiring to me. Both before and after working with you on the Enterprise," Chekov confessed with a shy smile.

"How so?" Spock questioned with a subtle tilt of his head conveying his mostly hidden confusion.

"Well, you did not let your Wulcan colleagues get you down. Instead you rose to da challenge. Now you are…where you truly belong." Chekov mumbled the last part, but Spock's superior hearing caught it.

Spock once again could not stop the warm feeling he received by such a declaration. On Vulcan he was ostracized for his hybrid status. His peers tried on numerous occasions to elicit an emotional response from him, and his superiors continued to undermine everything he accomplished. Here, on the USS Enterprise, he had found something he secretly longed for. Acceptance. His future self had found a family and purpose not among his own people, but among individuals similar yet so different from himself.

Chekov, a young Russian human. Naïve. Passionate. Emotional. Brilliant. In so many ways unlike Spock, but they share a common past. Both misjudged and cast out because they did not fit into the mold created for them. Expected of them. Both hybrid and human sought out Starfleet for an escape from their doubters. The chances are infinitesimal that Spock and Chekov would find a home aboard the USS Enterprise. No matter. Spock is gratified to know that his future self had not only found a purpose, but a family who supported and shared that purpose with him.

"As you are," Spock replied making Chekov light up.

As soon as the smile formed it disappeared even faster confusing Spock. Chekov looked away, and Spock was alarmed to find tears forming in the young prodigy's eyes. Spock did not understand what could have occurred for Chekov's mood to change so rapidly. While the tears did not fall they were there looming threateningly on the edge. Spock tensed and remained quiet unequipped to deal with such an onslaught of emotions. Silently he wish his Jim was here to help soothe the ensign. Jim was much more understandable of human emotions than Spock was.

"Meester Spock," Chekov choked out as a small shudder wracked through his thin body. "I am so sorry."

"Whatever for?" Spock questioned unaware of what could be plaguing his new friend.

"I tried so hard, but I couldn't save her," Chekov sniveled while burying his face in his hands.

Spock tensed further. His back painfully straight and shoulders rigid. His hands clasped behind his back clench until they are white. Ah, that. Spock was informed that his mother perished along with his planet when a war criminal known as Nero created a black hole at the center of Vulcan. He was not informed much more than that considering his violent reaction to the bare minimum. Spock logically knew that there had to be more details to the story, but they were never offered or sought out. Until now.

"I could not and do not blame you Ensign Chekov," Spock stiffly said, but it had no effect on the guilt ridden boy.

"I'm sorry Meester Spock. I did everything I could, but it was not enough. I was not enough—"

"Be silent," Spock hissed causing Chekov to flinch away, but did as Spock commanded. " _Tilek svi'khaf-spol t'vathu - tilek svi'sha'veh_."

Chekov looked up at his mentor's younger self perplexed. He did not speak Vulcan, but he heard something in Spock's voice. Something that disrupted the usual monotone. It was tender affection. Chekov had only heard that inflection when Spock spoke to the captain. On occasion Uhura, but Chekov had never been privy to it himself. Chekov nervously studied Spock's expression for any trace of anger or blame, but he found none. His face was blank, but warm fondness swam in his deep brown eyes. It was the same look his elder brother would give Chekov to comfort him when he was bullied back in Russia.

"I don't understand," Chekov quietly confessed while looking up at Spock who, even at fifteen, was taller than himself.

"I have nothing but admiration and appreciation for you…Pavel," Spock expressed while placing a hand on the boy's shoulder. "I may not remember the details of our relationship before the incident, but I cannot forget the attachment we have. Please, do not cry. Blame has not and will never be yours."

In an impulsive urge Chekov shot forward and tackled Spock in a hug. Spock became immobile while a green hue touched the tips of his ears. He did not seek out comfort like humans did, but could respect the human need for physical contact. Spock allowed Chekov to cling to him as silent sobs broke through the silence. Spock wondered how long the young ensign had been burdened with this guilt. Had his elder self not seen his underling in duress? Chekov certainly saw Spock, even now in his younger age, as a mentor of sorts. Spock was honored to have such a keen pupil and colleague.

"Thank you," Chekov whimpered before pulling away. His face was flushed red, and he looked slightly mortified by what he had done.

"Thanks are illogical," Spock replied logically, but his tone was gentle.

**-KS-KS-KS-KS-KS-**

"Jim, you were the one who earlier claimed this was illogical." Spock weakly protested as the human pushed him up against the wall of a supply closet.

"Changed my mind," Jim growled while slamming his lips against Spock's to silent him.

The kiss was messy in its haste, but neither of the boys minded. They were both too caught up in finally seeing each other again. It had been too long since their last encounter. Bones somehow became an expert in knowing when and where they would meet up. Most of the time Bones would just walk in on them talking, but lately Bones only seemed to catch them making out. It was so infuriating not only to Jim, but Spock also seemed to find Bones' interjections aggravating.

Both froze when they heard the familiar grumbling of the doctor drawing near. Jim groaned quietly, and buried his face into the crook of Spock's neck. Spock hushed him as he ran a hand down Jim's back soothingly. Neither were thrilled by the idea of getting caught again by the crabby doctor. Both necks were still sore from the last time. They remained silent until the grumbling faded as Bones wandered down the hall. Spock and Jim stared at each other with differing expressions.

Jim wore a mischievous smile while Spock had an amused look shining in his eyes.

"Ready to run?" Jim asked while grabbing Spock's hand causing the Vulcan to close his eyes in pleasure. Both new this was inappropriate but neither could care less.

"Ready," Spock gasped out before Jim let go of his hand with a wicked smirk.

Both boys rushed out of the closet, and raced down the hall. Jim laughed like a maniac while Spock watched him with less than obvious enjoyment. The crew watched with fond exasperation as their two senior officers de-aged as young teens were chased by a cantankerous CMO.

Just another day aboard the USS Enterprise.

**Translations** :

_Tilek svi'khaf-spol t'vathu - tilek svi'sha'veh_ \- The spear in the other's heart is the spear in your own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Hope you liked it! Let me know what you thought!


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer** : I don't own anything, and mean no disrespect to the characters or actors who portray them.

Jim was hiding in one of the upper observation decks. He ditched his room when he got bored, which was only five minutes after being escorted there by an upset Bones. Spock and he got in trouble again for causing a bit of mayhem for the Enterprise's crew. It had been two long weeks since he woke up in medbay thinking he was rescued from Tarsus only to find out that he was a de-aged version of himself. A captain of the USS Enterprise no less. He remembered seeing that very same ship being built practically in his backyard back in Iowa. Jim was doing his best to deal with that information, but no matter how hard he tried to remember things from before the incident nothing ever came to him. It was blank, and always gave him a killer migraine. Jim knew it had to be true. There was proof and everything. He saw the pictures, heard his personal logs, read the data, but it just didn't sit right with him. How could it?

With the stress of it all getting to him Jim had been acting out more and more. It was his failsafe. He couldn't help himself. Whenever life became too much for him he would lash out almost violently. It was almost like his defense or shield. He would have ended up with a few broken bones or worse from the stunts he pulled, but Spock was always there by his side. Something about the Vulcan/human hybrid reeled in Jim's more reckless and self-destructive nature. Spock was calm, logical, and detached without being cold or cruel. Jim was instinctual, emotional, and looked before leaping. Both were fiercely intelligent and calculating, but they were practically polar opposites. Although, Jim did see a bit himself in Spock, but it was the part that Spock hid away and ruthlessly controlled. Maybe that was why Spock was so capable of dealing with whatever craziness Jim did. Spock was crazy too. Just better at hiding it.

Jim snickered at the thought. Spock acting crazy was something he'd love to see. Then again it was pretty crazy for him to always go along with everything Jim planned. Sure he bitched and moaned in his own silent mature Vulcan way, but he always went along with whatever Jim wanted to do. Only on a few occasions did Spock outright refuse to help Jim and pointedly expressed his displeasure. Any time before this whole mess Jim wouldn't have cared and would have done it anyways, but he hated Spock being upset with him. So he never did anything that Spock specifically stated he would have no part in.

The only downside about Spock being so ridiculously loyal was that whenever Jim got in trouble for his schemes so did Spock. Bones would materialize out of nowhere, and then give them both a huge scolding lecture before separating them. Jim always tried to cut Spock out of it, but the faithful Vulcan wouldn't have any of that. That always made Bones sigh wearily, but smile like it was an inside joke that the two boys didn't understand.

Usually Jim would sneak over to wherever Spock was hanging out, and then convince him to come with him. Being apart from Spock didn't sit well with Jim anymore than the whole de-aged thing did. Jim couldn't figure out which one was worse, but he had control over one so he did whatever he could to keep close to Spock. Usually. After this last scolding Jim kept his distance and stayed away. He had a lot to think about, and Spock was such a distraction.

It felt like there were so many unanswered questions roaming through his head. Jim was best friends with Bones, and that made sense. They were a lot alike, and faced so much together. What Jim didn't understand was why Bones didn't want Spock and him together. What was the big deal? Sure, there were a bunch of regulations against that kind of thing, but Bones wasn't that much a stickler for rules.

Another thing bothering Jim was Lt. Uhura who seemed to project an air of icy disapproval whenever they were in the same room together. Jim figured it had to do something with her and Spock's previous relationship. No matter how much he pried Bones wouldn't share any details about the breakup. Jim wanted to hack her personal log, but it felt really sleazy so he didn't. Instead he played spy, and watched her carefully whenever she was around his Spock. Yes, his Spock. She had her chance and it didn't work out. Spock was his now.

The biggest thing eating at him though was the incident. Being de-aged and knowing that at any moment he was going to forget everything and be eighteen when he woke up was daunting. It was almost like dying. Jim never told anyone, but he started having nightmares about it. He would wake up screaming in the middle of the night, and be unable to fall back asleep afterward. Not that he wanted to. Most nights he would stay up afraid of falling asleep. It was one of the reasons why he was acting out so much. Coming up and carrying out schemes wasted a lot of energy. He hoped that he would be too exhausted to dream. It never worked though.

"You're a bad influence on him."

"Tell me something I don't know." Jim scathingly replied while glancing over his shoulder at the dark beauty standing at the door. "Heard it all before Nyota."

"That's Lt. Uhura to you," Uhura retorted while placing her hands on her hips. She wasn't going to be backing down anytime soon.

"Nyota Uhura, daughter of Alhamisi and M'Umbha Uhura. You have a brother and sister who are back on Earth. After graduating with honors from the Institute of Advanced Mathematics you applied to Star Fleet where you specialized in xenolinguistics. Which is where you met Commander Spock at the time, and got involved with him romantically even though it went against regulations. You then convinced him to change your assignment to the USS Enterprise before the Battle of Vulcan—"

"You hacked my file. That doesn't mean you know me." Uhura interrupted with an angry scowl marring her beautiful face.

"But I do," Jim countered while lazily looking over his shoulder at her. "One look at your record and I can tell you have a severe case of Pretty Girl Syndrome. All your life people have kissed your ass and showered you in praise and things because you're gorgeous. Eventually this positive turned into a negative when you started doubting whether you deserved everything you gotten. You didn't; so you sought out challenges to prove to yourself and others that you're more than a pretty face. Spock was the ultimate challenge. Looks mean little to a Vulcan, even a hybrid one. So you constantly did your best to show him your brain, and when he became attracted you felt like you won something. If a Vulcan could be romantically interested in you then you must truly be brilliant. Once you got to know more about him you started falling hard and fast. His lack of interest in the physical aspect of your guys' relationship went from being a blessing to a curse. That was why you two broke up despite rumors."

Jim looked away, but knew that she was silently seething. He could feel her death glare piercing the back of his head. Jim didn't mind. He was used to people disliking him for his blunt honesty, and being surprised by the conjectures he could draw from a little amount of information. Playing dumb was an act to get people to underestimate him. Only Bones and Spock didn't seem to buy it, but everyone else always did. It looked like Nyota was no different no matter how hard she wanted to be.

"What rumors?" Uhura quietly asked as her body sagged in tired defeat.

"Rumors about how it was my future self who came between you two. Spock was spending more time in my quarters than yours. Obviously I can't tell you what happened, but what I do know is that Spock wouldn't hurt you intentionally," Jim answered while slowly rising to his feet.

"How could you know that?" Uhura questioned while wrapping her arms around her thin frame.

She came here to blame Jim for getting Spock in trouble, but he, even in his younger age, saw right through her. He just knew that she wanted to blame him for what happened between her and Spock. She wanted to blame him for so long and so bad, but she couldn't. Jim was right about her. She was used to special treatment because of her looks, and decided that she wanted to show people she was more than her small waist and killer smile. Spock was the perfect way to boost her confidence when it came to her astute intellect. It started off like a mission, but then she ended up falling for Spock. It was perfect. They were perfect together…at least, until they weren't.

"Because even now he has a soft spot for you. A warmth in his eyes and a fond inflection in his voice when he talks about you. He cares about you and loves you, but—"

"He's not in love with me." The silent  _he's in love with you_  was heard between them, and it made Jim anxiously cross his arms.

"My skin feel prickly," Jim announced making Uhura stare at him confused. "Any day now I'm going to jump age. I feel it coming. When that happens I won't remember anything that happened between us. He, and everyone else, will be a stranger to me again. But what's even worse is that Spock won't remember ever loving me. When all this is done Spock is going to remember your guys' relationship no matter how it ended. I'm jealous."

Uhura felt her heart clench painfully as Jim walked past her. Jim, even before the incident, was always all smiles and flirty innuendos when it came to her. He was immature and cocky, but was always nice to her. Praised her when she deserved it, and never faulted her when she messed up. He was a friend, and all this time she was blaming him for something that had nothing to with him. She didn't want to blame Spock, and she definitely didn't want to blame herself. Uhura was the one who was always cold and snotty to him.

Never once did she even think about how Jim was feeling during all this. She just thought that he wouldn't care because with each age jump he would forget everything and it wouldn't matter. She never imagined how scared and depressed it made him to forget. Uhura may not be with Spock, but she still enjoyed the memories they had together. Jim didn't even have that. Once it was all over she would have the memories and Jim would not. He had worked so hard to gain a rapport with Spock, and things were going well between them. Then when they de-aged they gotten so much closer. Shared things with each other. Experienced moments together. All that progress would be forgotten. When it was all over they wouldn't be friends like they were now. They would once again be colleagues. Captain and Commander.

Jim realized that when no one else did.

**-KS-KS-KS-KS-KS-**

"Lt. Commander Scott, what happened at the warp core chamber?" Spock bluntly asked causing Mister Scott to nearly choke on the massive ham sandwich he was eating.

"What?" Mister Scott rasped out while soothingly massaging his aching throat.

"Pardon me for not requesting if I could ask you a personal query," Spock apologized once the engineer calmed down a bit.

"I was just…surprised," Mister Scott commented while staring at his teenaged commanding officer. "What do you want to know about it?"

Spock resisted the very human urge to fidget under Mister Scott's suddenly perspective gaze. Jim had always said that he was a crazy genius. Spock was starting to see the genius side to Mister Scott up close and personal. It was unnerving, but Spock refused to be deterred. For a while now not only he, but Jim as well, experienced a certain menacing sensation whenever they neared the warp core chamber. It was why both boys avidly avoided that part of engineering. Neither could figure out why so Spock decided to seek out outside sources. Lt. Commander Scott was the best candidate to question because of his association with their future selves and his connection to engineering.

"Did something occur to myself or Jim, our elder selves, which would cause us to have an adverse reaction to the warp core chamber?" Spock inquired while taking note of an increase in respiration and perspiration in Mister Scott. Fascinating.

"While facing down a madman the ship's core misaligned and we were plummeting towards earth. It looked like it was over for all of us, but then Jim did a crazy and reckless thing," Mister Scott paused to collect himself. Spock noticed the elder man's eyes water slightly, but wisely chose to not address the sudden display of grief. "He entered the warp core chamber, and realigned the core. He died of radiation poisoning in the compartment right there."

"I do not understand. How could he have…I do not understand," Spock stated while his heart pounded in his side. He could not bring himself to say it. The mere idea of it pained his katra.

"Well, that's when it gets a bit complicated. You arrived and demanded that I open the chamber, but I couldn't because it'd flood the room. You sat with him until he passed on. I never seen you cry before Spock. Then you screamed, and it sounded like you were the one dying. After that you took off after Khan, the madman, and just seconds away from killing him with your bare hands. The only way Uhura got you to stop was by telling you that we needed him alive to save Jim. Khan's blood had regenerative capabilities or something like that. Anyways, Jim was revived because of you," Mister Scott explained with a solemn expression.

"Thank you for your elucidation. I need time to meditate on this," Spock replied before rushing off.

Jim sacrificed himself for the crew. For Spock. It was both inspiring and terrifying. Spock did not want to lose Jim. Logically he knew that in their line of work their life expectancy was cut short. Even if it was not the Vulcan lifespan is much longer than that of a human. One day they would be ripped apart from each other whether it be natural or unforeseen causes. No matter, Spock did not want to dwell on it. And yet he could not stop thinking about it.

He could not remember the details of what happened. Of course he could not, but there was something. An emotion. He tried to bury it, but found that his control was not strong enough. It was a combination of paralyzing agony and blinding fury. The force of it nearly knocked him off his feet. It burned his katra. The emotion reminded him of a greater version of what he experienced upon discovery of the loss of his mother and planet. That could not be. How could Spock feel more pain and anger at the loss of a single man than that of his home world and mother?

"Spock."

Spock stopped in his tracks recognizing that thick Scottish accent. Had he not told him that Spock needed meditation? Stiffly Spock turned to face the man who called out to him. Mister Scott stood there looking slightly uncomfortable, but there was a resolute look in his eyes. Spock clasped his hands behind his back trying to remain in control. He felt his volatile emotions eating away at his Vulcan principles. He needed to recenter himself.

"I've seen you and Jim risk everything for each other. Somehow you both always beat the odds. Spock, I don't think that's going to stop anytime soon," Mister Scott declared taking Spock momentarily off guard by his perception.

"Jim and I are not supposed to remember these moments when we arrive to our proper age. I am conflicted. I find myself not wanting to forget," Spock dismally confessed.

"It wouldn't be the first time you two proved the data wrong," Mister Scott replied trying to comfort the morose Vulcan.

"I admit that I am hoping you are correct no matter how illogical and improbable it may seem. I would not remember any of this, and it would cause me no adverse effects. Yet…my katra hurts at the thought of it," Spock replied while turning away in shame. He was being so emotional. It was unseemly.

He meditated numerous times trying discover if he could unlock the memories from his previous ages. Hours upon hours of mediation, and he could not accomplish it. Memories from his past ages are either locked away and out of reach, or have been completely erased. Neither of those options comforted the young Vulcan. Spock did not want to forget the moments he shared with Jim or the crew. When he reached his correct age he wanted to be able to remember these times. Spock was…scared. Scared all these moments would be lost on him, and if they were lost to him they would be lost to Jim. His future mate would forget as well.

When everything went back to normal would Jim only be his commanding officer? Only a friend? That was not enough. He had gotten a taste of what it would be like with Jim by his side. It went against everything his Vulcan principles bestowed upon him. Jim was like a fire. Bright, uncontrollable, and dangerous. Spock was not afraid of getting burned by his Jim. The only thing Spock was afraid about was that he was never going to feel the warmth again. Spock wanted Jim in every way a person could want another. In every way a Vulcan male wanted a mate.  _T'hy'la_.

Scotty called out to the young conflicted Vulcan, but his shouts went unnoticed. Spock continued to storm out of engineering. Scotty's eyes widened when Spock flinched away from the warp core like it was going to lash out and grab him. Scotty had never seen him look so awful, minus the time he almost killed Jim and the time he lost Jim. He had no idea that Spock would be so effected by the age jumps. Scotty just assumed that it wouldn't matter because they didn't remember. It was hard on the crew because they got to remember the times they shared, but could never speak of it. Scotty didn't even think about how Spock or Jim must feel. All these memories the crew gets to cherish are forgotten to the two mainly involved. Scotty sincerely hoped he was right, and that the two boys would eventually remember what happened during these past few weeks.

It just wouldn't be fair otherwise.

**-KS-KS-KS-KS-KS-**

"What do you mean there's a slight complication?" Bones gritted out while looking up from his desk. He was starting to get real sick and tired of that phrase.

"I have been keeping track of Kirk and Spock's psychological readings since the incident took place. My findings are quite alarming," Dr. Clarkson, the USS Enterprise's resident psychiatrist, announced.

"And?" Bones grumbled while looking through his own charts of the boys' health.

They were currently in perfect physical health. So of course their heads would be messed up. They're the idiots who willingly wanted to go into space for five years. They were clearly insane. Space was invested with all kinds of diseases. Not to mention those two already how a mountain of issues. It was no wonder Dr. Clarkson was always up in arms about Jim and Spock's mentality. She probably thought they were as crazy as Bones believed they were. Only problem with that was she had the power to consider them unfit for duty. Bones did too, but he knew that crazy worked for Jim and Spock. That damn nosy shrink didn't.

"Within each age they formed a fast connection to each other. This could be their subconscious leaking into their consciousness. However, I have also noted that they became reclusive and cling to the other. This is not normal behavior even considering the unique circumstances," Dr. Clarkson explained making Bones snort.

"How are they supposed to act?" Bones retorted while finally looking up at her.

Dr. Clarkson was a beautiful woman with long blonde hair and bright green eyes, but she was even more of a walking talking computer than Spock was. Not many people aboard liked her. Jim was always pleasant, but most of the time avoided her like the plague. Growing up with multiple psychiatrists offering different diagnoses didn't make him a fan of them in the slightest. Spock was polite and well mannered, but also avoided her as well. Ironically he did not enjoy someone picking apart his mind and reading into everything he said. Therefore, Dr. Clarkson thoroughly enjoyed tracking down them both for psychological evaluations which never went right for anyone.

Jim knew all the right answers to the questions which frustrated her to no end. She claimed each time they had a meeting that he was a high functioning sociopath, and that always made Jim laugh like it was some kind of joke. He was always amused around her, but whenever she brought up his abandonment issues he would stop laughing. He would get deathly quiet, and Bones would start to see how she could think Jim was a sociopath. The only thing is whenever Jim loses a crewmember it was Spock and Bones who had to clean him off his floor. Jim always took it hard no matter the circumstance. Jim couldn't be a sociopath. He cared too damn much. That was his fatal flaw.

Spock flat out refused to answer any of her questions stating that it was a human practice. Then she would declare that he was half human, and of course that never worked for anyone besides Jim and on the rare occasion Bones. She would try and try, but he would refuse to schedule time with her. Dr. Clarkson finally went over his head and threatened that if Spock didn't speak with her she would go to the admirals. Spock of course folded because he didn't want Jim to get in trouble for it. Spock was apparently even more sociopathic and his problems stemmed from rejection issues as a child. Spock acted very much the same way Jim did when that was thrown in his face. He would scowl in his Vulcan way, call her illogical, and storm off to find Jim or Uhura. Someone who got him.

"Scared. Nervous. Distant. They were expected to cling to their adult figures, or ask for their parents. Instead they clung to each other more and more with each age jump," Dr. Clarkson continued despite Bones' grumbling.

"Your point is?" Bones demanded not liking where she was going with this one bit.

"They show severe signs of obsessive codependency," Dr. Clarkson impatiently answered.

"I repeat. Your point is?" Bones retorted making Dr. Clarkson flush with frustration.

"They are unfit for duty. They have been since—"

"Dr. McCoy, there's been a slight complication." The intercom beeped making Bones scowl and throw up his hands.

"What now?" Bones growled while slamming his hand on the comm to answer.

"It's happened."

**Translations** :

_T'hy'la_ -friend, brother, & love; soul mate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Hope you liked it! Let me know what you thought!


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer** : I don't own anything, and mean no disrespect to the characters or actors who portray them.

"They're not your science experiments!" Bones shouted when he heard Dr. Clarkson's plan to run psychological tests of them.

"Of course not! You've heard my diagnosis Dr. McCoy. Now it's time for the treatment portion. You do remember that from medical school right?" Dr. Clarkson bit back refusing to back down even a little bit.

"Why you little—"

"What diagnosis?" Uhura diplomatically interrupted before Bones could be charged with something damaging for losing his temper…again.

"Commander Spock and Captain Kirk suffer from a severe form of codependency. Border lining obsessive fixation." Dr. Clarkson answered using her lecture voice that grinded on the senior officer's nerves.

"Don't you think that's somewhat extreme?" Uhura questioned surprised at the diagnosis.

She of all people knew that Spock and Kirk had a ginormous soft spot for each other. Both risked their lives and bent regulations to the point of breaking them in order to save the other. Uhura would have believed it if they weren't like that with everyone. Losing a crew member tore away at both of them. Spock was better at hiding it, but it hurt him just as much as Kirk. They leaned on each other when that happened. Uhura could remember a number of times that they risked their necks to rescue her or Bones or anyone on their crew. It was just who they were. They made an excellent team, but that didn't mean they were…oh.

"You think they're emotionally compromised by each other." Uhura stated while staring at Dr. Clarkson who clutched her files closer to her chest.

"Yes. They have been compromised for a long time. I'm surprised the admiralty hadn't done anything to them considering their psychological profiles," Dr. Clarkson claimed without remorse.

"You've been talking about them to the admirals?" Bones snapped while angrily rising to his feet in protest.

"They frequently are sent updates on the Captain and Commander's mental stability. It's protocol," Dr. Clarkson answered making Bones turn red.

"I do not understand," Chekov chirped in looking more confused than anyone aboard had ever seen the young genius look.

"She has the power to go over the Captain, Commander, and CMO's head and declare them unfit for duty," Sulu tersely explained making Chekov eyes widen in surprise.

"Vhy?" Chekov stuttered out unable to even think about serving under someone else. Commander Spock and Captain Kirk were his friends on top of being his superior officers.

"They are taking unneeded risks and challenging regulations. They're extremely close to being stripped of their ranks." Dr. Clarkson announced making a tense silence fall onto the senior officers in the meeting room.

Spock and Jim were currently recuperating in opposite private rooms. The jump had taken its toll on their bodies. They have been in an induced coma for the past two days, but their vitals were stable for now. No physical damage was visible, but this time around they both required open heart surgery. Bones and M'Benga had been in the OR for over twelve hours trying to find what was wrong with them this time. Both doctors feared what the next age jump would do to Spock and Jim's already weakened respiratory system. They all needed to be ready whenever the change occurred.

"What do you want?" Uhura asked before Bones could explode and get himself stripped of his CMO status.

"I need them to remain separated at all times. No contact with the other in any way. I would like private sessions with them at least once a day. Also, I trust that none of you will tell Spock about Jim, and vice versa." Dr. Clarkson instructed while giving each of them a stern pointed look covered in suspicion.

"Do you also want our first born?" Bones grumbled under his breath making Dr. Clarkson scowl and the rest of the crew snicker.

"I think it is about time for your annual psychological evaluation Dr. McCoy. I believe we can make excellent headway in your anger management problem." Dr. Clarkson sneered making Bones cross clench his fists rethinking his southern gentleman upbringing.

"Enough," Uhura snapped before the two doctors ended up killing each other. "Fine. Keep them apart all you want. Run your little experiment."

"Unpredictably cooperative coming from the exe to one of them." Dr. Clarkson offhandedly commented making the whole room grow tense.

Bones stared at Dr. Clarkson galled by what she actually had the nerve to say to Uhura. Sulu had a rare scowl on his face while Chekov ducked his head down as if Uhura was going to attack the psychiatrist. The only one who seemed unaffected by what was said was surprisingly Uhura. She looked tense and sad, but also determined and fierce. It was how she always looked before she made some communication miracle happened or saved the team from a diplomatic incident. The senior officers hadn't seen that look in some time, but it was strong as ever.

"I'm cooperative because it's not going to matter. No matter what those two are going to find their way back to each other. I can't stop it. Lost memories can't stop it. So I doubt you could even come close," Uhura declared with a superior smirk. Dr. Clarkson opens and closes her mouth trying find something to say, but is spared when the wall com beeps.

"Captain Kirk and Commander Spock are awake."

Bones quickly rose to his feet grabbing the tricorder he always keeps on hand. He was out of the room without so much as a backward glance at Dr. Clarkson. Sulu and Chekov also stood up, and left mumbling something about a personal project needing attention. Only Uhura and Dr. Clarkson were still in the room. They were caught in a stare down silently daring the other to blink first. Dr. Clarkson looked away with a forced cough.

"Your move Doctor."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Hope you liked it! Let me know what you thought!


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer** : I don't own anything, and mean no disrespect to the characters or actors who portray them.

"I believe you were informed of what happened to you. The unique incident regarding a certain alien drink that caused your de-age." Dr. Clarkson commented while silently studying the young man sitting in front of her.

James Tiberius Kirk at the volatile age of eighteen. Torn between the dangerous and reckless young teenager he was and the brilliant and self-sacrificing captain he would become. Tarsus in his past and Starfleet in his future. Any other person would have looked stuck between the stages of child and adulthood. Not James Tiberius Kirk of course. The young man slumped in his chair in front of Dr. Clarkson was the epitome of cool and indifferent. Even at this age Kirk oozed easy confidence and unrestrained power. He was quite the sight to see.

His hair was short and messy. His long blonde locks from his previous age chopped until it was only a little longer than regulation cut. It wasn't bright blonde like it used to be when he was a child, but seemed to be getting darker as he got older. It was now a dark blonde that made his deep blue eyes stand out against his sun kissed skin. Thin but lean, less muscled than when he was at his right age. Unsurprising considering Kirk had to be in top physical condition at all times so he would never be unprepared for battle. His eyes held that same wild glint that never seemed to fade no matter how many days, months, or years passed. Tarsus would always be a part of him. The glimmer wasn't as noticeable as it was in his last stage. Dr. Clarkson, however, had no doubt that the animalistic instinct to survive was still roaring underneath his matured astuteness.

"I've heard of a lot of strange "incidents" happening in space, but even this one seems a little out there," Kirk lazily replied.

"You were given evidence via personal log. However, if you want more proof then I will be willing to offer video feed of your time aboard the ship while you were in your previous age." Dr. Clarkson paused finally catching Kirk's attention; his eyes narrowing suspiciously as a smirk slowly made its way onto his face.

"But only if I do something for you right?" And even though it was posed as a question Dr. Clarkson knew that Jim stated it as fact.

"I would simply like your cooperation during our time together. I'll show you the video feed regardless. I'm not your enemy James," Dr. Clarkson assured him as she handed over a datapad.

Kirk opted to remain silent, but Dr. Clarkson could see his lips twitch like he was holding back a sarcastic remark. He ignored her presence, even though she could tell he was acutely aware of it, while viewing the video. She had given him the one from the shuttle hangar where he went on a rampage. While he was watching that she was observing him. His shoulders held a tension that wasn't there before. His eyebrows scrunched together as the video progressed. Then his eyes widened before a frown marred his features.

"Were you upset at your lack of control or that you were apprehended?" Dr. Clarkson questioned as Kirk rewound the video to view it again.

"Both," Jim murmured distractedly.

"You went down shooting," Dr. Clarkson complimented but it did little to appease him. If anything it made the frown deepen until it was a bitter scowl.

"So did my father," Kirk muttered piquing Dr. Clarkson's interest. He had never mentioned his father in previous sessions.

"How does that make you feel?" Dr. Clarkson urged while leaning back in her seat trying to convey a casual environment.

"How does what make me feel? That he went down fighting and saved over 800 people?" Kirk snapped while gripping the datapad until Dr. Clarkson was afraid he was going to crack it right in half.

"How does it make you feel that you went down fighting the same way?" Dr. Clarkson clarified earning a dry laugh from the disbelieving teen.

"How does that make me feel?" Kirk repeated while roughly running a hand through his hair. "It makes me feel like I'm still here and he's still not. Somehow I survived all the bullshit I've gone through and it doesn't change a goddamn thing. The way I see it I'm just living on borrowed time anyways," Kirk answered before hastily rising to his feet.

Dr. Clarkson analytically watched as the frustrated young man paced around her medium sized office. He looked like a caged animal searching for a way out. His eyes never lingering in one spot for too long. Quickly darting around the room taking in every small detail in case it would serve him somehow in the future. Kirk stopped in front of a photo that made Dr. Clarkson tense and wish she had removed it before their session. He gingerly picked it up while wearing a peculiar expression. One that showed understanding, but also contempt. The picture was of her son who was living back home on earth. In the photo he was only five, but he was around eleven now.

"He misses you," Kirk announced taking Dr. Clarkson by surprise. She felt her heart race so fast that she thought it would burst from her chest.

"How would you know?" Dr. Clarkson asked while wondering how she could have forgotten to put away that picture. It was all Kirk needed to take over this session.

"Because I used to be him. Missing my mom when she wanted nothing more than to be in the farthest quadrant from me—"

"I'm not Winona," Dr. Clarkson interrupted before she could stop herself. She waited on edge for his outburst, but Kirk merely smiled sadly.

"No, I suppose you're not. Even so, you're all the way out in space analyzing my mommy and daddy issues. It's kind of poetic. I wonder who will analyze his," Kirk commented making Dr. Clarkson internally seethe.

She knew that he was just trying to get a rise out of her to deflect his own feelings. He was just acting out. That's what he did whenever things got too personal. Dr. Clarkson pushed down her own guilt and failure as a parent so she could focus on the matter at hand. Kirk was revealing more to her than he ever had before. It was most likely because of his fragile state. While he was physically in perfect health his mentality was frail. Brilliant to the point of genius, but his walls were practically destroyed considering his younger age. He wasn't as practiced in diplomacy or tact as his future self would be. It was the perfect opportunity.

"His name is Lucas." Dr. Clarkson supplied causing Kirk to glance at her before returning his gaze to the photo.

"Lucas," Kirk softly repeated as if testing out the name. "Did you know that it means light?"

"That's very interesting James. What does your name mean?" Dr. Clarkson gently asked as Kirk put the picture back onto her shelf.

"Supplant of James," Kirk sadly answered while staring off to the side.

"Which means?" Dr. Clarkson prompted making Kirk look at her with a desolate expression.

"Replacement."

**-KS-KS-KS-KS-KS-**

**_Session 1 Report_ **

**Full Name** : James Tiberius Kirk

**Current Age** : 18 earth years

**Hair Color** : Blonde

**Eye Color** : Blue

**Height** : 6'0 feet

**Session Summary** :

-Subject shows remnant signs of experience on Tarsus IV.

-Subject displays aggression when asked about his father's death.

-Subject avoids talking about the similarities between his father and himself.

-Subject blames himself for mother working distantly off planet.

-Subject displays above average levels of intellect and perception.

-Subject uses blunt and disconcerting comments to deflect his personal feelings.

**Diagnosis** :

-Attention Deficit Disorder, unable to keep focus, constantly looking around (may be linked to Tarsus IV).

-Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder, unable to sit still, need to pace/move.

-Oppositional Defiant Disorders, lashes out and undermines authority figures in an aggressive manner. May stem from an abusive childhood (suspected) and Tarsus IV (confirmed).

-Abandonment Issues, stemming from his father's death, mother's off world assignments, and older brother running away.

-Codependency, stemming from his formally mentioned Abandonment Issues.

-Anger Management Issues, see Oppositional Defiant Disorder.

-Attractions of Deprivation, AKA "Mommy/Daddy Issues" stemming from an absence of a proper maternal and fraternal figure.

**Treatment** : Weekly one on one sessions for the foreseeable future. Medication may be necessary.

**-KS-KS-KS-KS-KS-**

"I was informed that you have already been briefed on the circumstances revolving around your current predicament." Dr. Clarkson stated while evaluating the young man sitting across from her desk.

S'chn T'gai Spock was ten years younger than he should be. Twenty was very young for a human, but even younger for a Vulcan on account of their longer lifespan. Spock was torn, but unlike Kirk he wasn't torn just between ages, but species. Half human and half Vulcan. Both ancestries raged underneath his stoic surface. Spock appeared to be the quintessence of self-control, much more controlled than his previous age, but yet so different from his proper age. This Spock sat ramrod straight with tension lining his shoulders and an eerily blank expression upon his face. His eyes were the only thing that gave him away. They shone with pained anguish and bloodthirsty anger. He might not have been tearing apart the room like his previous age had, but this Spock wasn't handling the destruction of his home planet and death of his mother any better.

If Dr. Clarkson wasn't analyzing him so closely she would have never noticed anything peculiar about him. She wouldn't have noticed his rigid posture or his hands fisted in his lap. Clenching and unclenching as if he was trying to control himself. She wouldn't have noticed the small furrow of his slanted eyebrows or the slight downturn of his lips. Other than those small signs Spock looked perfectly put together. His shiny black hair neat without a hair out of place. His civilian clothes pressed to perfection. This Spock was thin, much thinner than what his built was like at his right age. Older Spock was nothing but hard lean muscle, but it appeared like he wasn't always so toned. His pale skin seemed paler with more of a green under hue. Maybe from the research on what happened to his mother and home world he conducted before this session.

"Affirmative," Spock replied with a dry monotone that had Dr. Clarkson resisting the urge to shiver. The whole room just dropped a couple degrees in temperature.

"Would you like to talk about it?" Dr. Clarkson offered even though she knew the answer before she asked.

"Vulcans do not need to voice their thoughts with one another like humans do," Spock patiently explained. He talked as if he was speaking with a confused child, and that made Dr. Clarkson purse her lips.

"You're also half human," Dr. Clarkson reminded as if Spock could ever forget. She knew she hit a nerve when his unfocused eyes sharpened.

"I am aware," Spock tersely replied.

"Are you ashamed of your human heritage?" Dr. Clarkson questioned only adding more tension to the severe looking half Vulcan.

"Shame is a human emotion," Spock quickly answered, but then let out more air than usual. Dr. Clarkson considered it the Vulcan version of a sigh. "My mom was human, and I held her in the highest regard."

"What about the human side of you?" Dr. Clarkson asked while studying him for any minute details that could help her analysis of him.

"I identify with my Vulcan birthright. I follow the principles of Surak. My human inheritance is considered a disadvantage to my Vulcan heritage—"

"Did that make interactions between you and your peers difficult? What about your father?" Dr. Clarkson pried while trying to hide her excitement. After trying for so long she was finally getting something out of Spock.

"My interactions between myself and my father are none of your concern," Spock answered as his face became closed off once more. Dr. Clarkson had pushed him too hard.

"Understandable," Dr. Clarkson begrudgingly relented before changing tactics. "You enrolled into Starfleet even though you originally planned to attend the Vulcan Space Academy. What changed your mind?"

Dr. Clarkson knew she asked a great question when Spock got a faraway look. His deep brown eyes swirled with anger and remorse. Dr. Clarkson waited for him to answer not wanting to make the same mistake from before. Spock seemed to internalize all of his thoughts about whatever it was that changed his mind. Kirk would share with sarcasm and half-truths that always made her question their validity. Trying to get a reaction from Spock was like trying to get blood from a stone. The only person who ever seemed to bring something out of Spock was Kirk. Uhura's warning rang loudly in Dr. Clarkson's ears making her frown annoyed.

"I chose to enroll in Starfleet because of a slight against my mother," Spock finally answered without inflection.

"How did that make you feel?" Dr. Clarkson prompted trying to convey respectful sympathy without it being mistaken as pity.

"Dr. Clarkson, I am what I am. Half human, half Vulcan. Respect that I identify with my Vulcan heritage," Spock politely requested.

"Which means?" Dr. Clarkson asked for clarification purposes.

"I do not feel emotion. I ahold to logic and the principles of my ancestor Surak. I enrolled into Starfleet because if I would have stayed at the Vulcan Space Academy then I would have not been able to reach my full potential," Spock answered as tone tried to resemble a robot. Everything about Spock seemed animatronic with this declaration.

"What do you think your mother would think of that?" Dr. Clarkson asked, but immediately regretted it when she saw a brief of anguish flash in his eyes. It was gone as quickly as it came.

"She is dead. She cannot think about anything anymore," Spock retorted while glancing away from her.

Dr. Clarkson saw as his eyes locked on the bookshelf she had in her office. She had already moved all personal photos not wanting to have a repeat performance of Kirk. The bookshelf was mostly bare because she didn't have any books. Hardcopies were out of date and expensive because of it. She wasn't an avid reader or collector so she normally had photos and awards lined in her bookshelf. She realized with a start that she only had to remove two or three photos. The rest were awards and certifications she had earned over her years as a psychiatrist.

"Dr. Clarkson, if I did not know better I would have said this was a Vulcan office," Spock commented.

"Is that a compliment?" Dr. Clarkson mused even though she knew it was neither a compliment nor an insult.

"Take it as you will," Spock responded making Dr. Clarkson frown unsure. "Vulcans do not feel the need to display photos of their family or friends. A habit humans, or at least most, are fond of." His previous comment suddenly felt like an insult to her human character. Or rather lack thereof.

"Do you own any photos?" Dr. Clarkson questioned feeling the selfish need for his answer to be no so she could feel better about herself.

"Yes. I have one of my mother."

**-KS-KS-KS-KS-KS-**

**_Session 1 Report_ **

**Full Name** : S'chn T'gai Spock

**Current Age** : 20 earth years

**Hair Color** : Black

**Eye Color** : Brown

**Height** : 6'2 feet

**Session Summary** :

-Subject avidly represses any and every emotion.

-Subject refuses to acknowledge his human heritage. This may be detrimental to his mental health.

-Subject shuts down when speaking about his father.

-Subject does not understand how to cope with loss of mother.

-Subject lapses into moments of Vulcan stoicism and coldness. Used as a deflection tactic.

-Subject subconsciously sees his Vulcan heritage as a negative as seen through his slight. Is more human than subject will admit/accept.

**Diagnosis** :

-Identity Crisis, stemming from his dual/conflicting heritages.

-Intermittent Explosive Disorder, stemming from his emotional repression. Has a history with violent emotional outburst.

-Codependency, stemming from his lack of social peers back in his childhood, and dependent relationship on his now deceased mother.

-Attraction of Deprivation, AKA "Mommy/Daddy Issues" stemming from his differing relationships with his parents. His father more so than his mother.

**Treatment** : Weekly one on one sessions for the foreseeable future. Monitored mediation may be required.

**-KS-KS-KS-KS-KS-**

"Did they fit into your little molds?" Bones gruffly questions when Dr. Clarkson walked into his medbay.

"Doctor patient confidentiality. You know I can't talk about that," Dr. Clarkson responded causing Bones to snort.

"Didn't stop you from declaring them unfit the other day," Bones countered while organizing his hypos.

"They didn't seem to faze any of you when I was mentioning how mentally unbalanced our superiors are," Dr. Clarkson retorted annoyed.

"They aren't mentally unbalanced! They are just a little…eccentric." Bones quickly defended even though he floundered for a word other than crazy.

Yeah, he thought they were crazy, but he also thought anyone who wanted to be in space was crazy. Jim and Spock were somehow the exception. Their crazy worked for them. Jim's unbreakable belief in no win situation drove him to create wild and brilliant plans. Jim's relentless compassion and annoying self-sacrificial nature fueled his desire to save everyone no matter the cost to himself. If anyone was born to be a captain it was Jim.

If that was the case then Spock was born to be his first officer. His unbendable logic and calculating mind gives him a perspective that strengthens Jim's half schemed plans. Spock's ability to stay calm even under fire and skill to compartmentalize is the perfect remedy to whenever Jim is letting his hot-blooded emotions get away with him whether it's in a fight or after a loss.

They were perfect for each other. They brought out the worst in each other as seen during the Narada incident, but they also bring out the best as seen on almost a daily basis. If Bones had to be trapped in a tin can in space he wouldn't want another command team. Dr. Clarkson just didn't understand that, and was trying to take that away from him. Away from the crew.

"They are more than just eccentric Dr. McCoy, they're dangerous. They are clearly emotionally compromised by each other. They do know that it's against regulations for senior officers to be in a relationship with one another," Dr. Clarkson snapped while stubbornly crossing her arms.

"Those so called regulations are more of suggestions. Just look at Number One and Admiral Pike." Uhura publicized as she walked into medbay hoping to catch Dr. Clarkson before she left. She wanted to see if she could pry some information about their sessions out of her. Looked like McCoy had the same idea, but wasn't having any luck.

"A questionable partnership if you ask me," Dr. Clarkson pompously sniffed.

"No one did," Bones grumbled making Uhura flash him an amused smile.

"Dr. McCoy, Dr. Clarkson, there's been a slight complication," Nurse Chapel announced while rushing over to the small group.

"Dammit! What is it this time? Don't tell me they're going through another age jump," Bones snapped while grabbing his tricorder.

"No, that's not it," Chapel answered before catching her breath.

"Then what is it?" Uhura demanded as her panic levels skyrocketed.

"They're asking for each other."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Hope you liked it! Let me know what you thought!


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So…I know I haven’t updated in forever, but there’s a reason for that! COLLEGE! Moving into my dorms, sorority rush, and mountains of homework! The first week craziness had died down, and I will update every other Sunday (no promises, but I’ll do my best to stick to this tentative schedule)! Hope you all continue being awesome readers/reviewers!

**Disclaimer** : I don't own anything, and mean no disrespect to the characters or actors who portray them.

 

Ever since he woke up a day or two ago Jim had been stuck inside a private room that reeked of antiseptic. Then some man with a southern drawl and poor bedside manner walked in and stabbed him in the neck with a hypo. Jim liked him. Turned out that the grumpy doctor was his personal physician, and always took care of him because he was an “infant” who apparently “couldn’t tell his ass from his elbow”. Jim hassled the doctor for a while, but none of his flirty innuendoes or snarky jeers had any effect on the older man. It was like he was immune to Jim or something.

Leonard McCoy was his name. Just when Jim was about to enter round two of how to make his doctor crack McCoy dropped the bomb of all bombs on him. Jim didn’t believe him at first, but he couldn’t deny it for long. McCoy shoved two datapads at him. One was Jim’s future self’s personal log while the other had all the records concerning what they call “the incident”. McCoy left him alone for over three hours so Jim could go through everything and come to his own conclusions. They must have been friends because McCoy knew him inside and out. It was so weird. Nice, but weird. Jim wasn’t used to people knowing what to do with him. Jim barely knew what to do with himself most of the time.

Which brings him to the current pain in his ass. Dr. Clarkson. Jim had been to enough psychiatrists to be diagnosed with everything from having ADHD to being a budding sociopath. Jim was pretty sure there was a textbook solely about his issues floating around the Beta quadrant somewhere. One session with her and Jim was already planning on shooting her out of an airlock. He was sure his next psychiatrist would have plenty to say about his so-called homicidal tendencies. Dr. Clarkson, like every other psychiatrist Jim had ever been to before, didn’t realize something crucial. Jim didn’t fit into their neat little diagnostic disorders. He wasn’t a checklist. Abandonment Issues? Absentee mother and deceased father? Check. Control Freak? Micromanages everything he possible could because his life was shit? Check. Like seriously, who came up with that bullshit? Jim had a strong suspicion that Dr. Clarkson was the perfect psychiatrist in writing. In practice she was clearly the one who needed help. Jim could probably do her job better, and he was an annoying little shit. But at least he was a people person who was more perceptive and compassionate than most gave him credit for.

“Why are you even doing this?” Jim inquired while leaning against the door just in case he needed to make a quick escape.

“Why am I doing what?” Dr. Clarkson asked before looking up from the file she was reviewing.

“I guess the more important question is…what do you have against me?” Jim questioned while crossing his arms and staring down his so-called psychiatrist.

“I don’t have anything against _you_ ,” Dr. Clarkson answered once she got over the initial shock.

“You have to have something against me. Psychiatrists don’t just throw away their code and go after someone for no reason. So what is it?” Jim persisted making Dr. Clarkson sigh softly and then motion him to sit across from her.

“What has led you to believe that I’m going after you?” Dr. Clarkson questioned while leaning back in her seat trying to come off as nonchalant.

“You have constantly analyzed everything about me. Even before the incident. It was like you are searching for something, anything, to get me discharged. My older self must have grown a heart of gold because I would have already gotten you for malpractice,” Jim replies from his spot by the door.

Dr. Clarkson looked down as if ashamed by her behavior, but squared her shoulders preparing for a fight. It appeared like she was torn between her morals and her personal agenda, whatever it was. Jim had a few wild theories about why she was going on this witch hunt, but only a select ideas actually made sense. Maybe she was a scorned lover Jim’s elder self had at one time. If that was the case older Jim had a lot more issues than just the ones on his file. Another theory was that she had someone from above, an admiral or someone, giving her heat about Jim. Getting paid off to find something that could get the Enterprise away from Jim. The last one was that she hated his captaining style. Thought it was reckless and feared that it would lead to more loss of lives than saved ones. Maybe she was just blindly passionate about getting Jim discharged that she just became obsessed.

“I can assure you James that—”

“I don’t want to hear bullshit Dr. Clarkson!” Jim snapped while storming over to her desk. “This is my life you’re messing with! Can’t you understand that? What the hell is your problem with me?”

“I’ve seen a lot of captains exactly like you in my line of work. All thinking they’re invincible and above the regulations. Captains that take needless risks, and push boundaries just because they think they can get away with it. I don’t trust you, and I would transfer if I didn’t think you were a danger to the crew,” Dr. Clarkson answered with a seething scowl.

Jim stood there, hands pressed against her desk, dumbstruck. For once he was at a complete lost for words. He was right after all. She hated his captaining style. She actually thought he was a danger to his crew. Jim had went through the personal logs of his older self, but naturally he didn’t find a problem with how his older self handled things. If anything it seemed like somewhere along the way Jim learned some self-control and discipline. A pretty loose sense of the two, but it was more than he had…well, now.

“…Did you lose someone?” Jim hesitantly pried while trying to calm down and see her point of view. It wasn’t one of the great qualities he had developed yet.

Dr. Clarkson remained very quiet for a long time. So long Jim didn’t think she was going to answer at all. He was about to head out figuring it was a lost cause when he heard a soft pained, “Yes.”

Jim sucked in a bunch of hair between his teeth not knowing what to say to that. A part of him wanted to know if it had been under his command, who it had been, and how did it happen. A smaller more desperate and selfish part of him wanted to run away and hide. Wanted to get away from the blame and not drown in the guilt he was currently sinking under. Jim knew what it was like to lose someone. He lost two boys, two children, when he was on Tarsus. It was the worse pain he ever felt before. Physical pain could never come anywhere near it. The agony would never go away. Maybe, if one was lucky, it would fade with time, but it would never ever stop hurting. Jim was barely starting to be able to enjoy himself without feeling guilty.

“Was it…under my command?” Jim anxiously inquires when he decided on which question to ask first. It was really strange for him to refer to his older self as well…himself. It still felt like they were two completely different people.

“No…it was under a captain who was just like you though. Impulsive. Reckless. Charismatic. You must think I’m the worst person ever, but…I lost my younger brother because his captain was irresponsible. It was the worst pain I’ve ever felt,” Dr. Clarkson whispered when her voice cracked halfway through her explanation.

“I’m not him,” Jim mumbled helplessly trying to defend his future self.

“No, you’re not,” Dr. Clarkson allowed after a moment of tense silence. “But you might as well be.”

**-KS-KS-KS-KS-KS-**

“I don’t get you Uhura,” McCoy grumbled behind his massive cup of coffee.

“What?” She asked while tiredly looking up from her breakfast. Yesterday felt like it was never going to end.

“One minute you’re defending Jim and Spock, and then the next you’re trying to tear them apart. I just don’t get it,” McCoy stated while staring at her as if she was a puzzle to solve.

Uhura looked down at her breakfast knowing that McCoy wouldn’t let it go anymore. He and Jim were best friends, brothers even. They have gotten into almost as much trouble for each other as Jim and Spock had. It was only a matter of time before McCoy finally confronted her about the elephant in the room. She knew that she wasn’t being any better or less bitter than Dr. Clarkson when it came to Jim and Spock. Uhura hated the way she was acting, but every time she saw them together it stung. Even losing their memories couldn’t keep them apart. It would always be Jim.

“Leonard, when your exe wife got remarried did it hurt?” Uhura asked catching McCoy completely off guard.

“No…I…yes,” McCoy confessed while nervously scratching his bristly cheek. He didn’t expect for the conversation to take him down memory lane.

“After Khan I knew it was only a matter of time. Spock didn’t cry when his planet was destroyed, or when he knew his mom was gone. He lost it a bit, but only because Kirk provoked him. No, don’t give me that look I know why he did it. My point is…when Kirk died Spock cried. It was like something in him broke. I barely got him to stop from killing Khan, and only when I mentioned that he could save Kirk did Spock stop. McCoy, I loved Spock with everything in me. I honestly thought he was the one, and one day we would be bonded together—”

“Nyota, stop…you don’t have to—”

“Yes, I do. Leonard, he was the love of my life. Realizing I wasn’t his was like getting my heart ripped out. We barely lasted a year into this mission before he came to me to end things. I tried everything to keep him, but that was my mistake. He was never mine after Kirk came into the picture. I just didn’t see it then. I didn’t want to. I know I may be acting like a…bitch when it comes to their relationship, but you have to try and understand Leonard. I lost him, and now I have to see Kirk with him on daily basis,” Uhura fervently explains through watery eyes.

“I’m sorry. I never considered your side. I just…Jim is my best friend, and I just…I’m sorry,” McCoy apologized while looking down at his cold mug of coffee.

“It’s okay. I know how hard this has been for you. Even though I’m still…healing, I can understand why they were drawn to each other. With everything they both had been through…I am happy Spock found Kirk,” Uhura declared even though her voice slightly wavered.

“I’m glad you told me Nyota. I’m sorry for giving you such a hard time about it before. This whole mess is driving me crazy. And now we have that kook trying to get them in trouble.” McCoy scowled before pushing away the rest of his breakfast, his appetite officially lost.

“I might be on thin ice with Kirk because of personal reasons I need to work through, but he’s a good captain. Kirk and Spock are a great command team. I don’t know what she’s trying to do, but I doubt it’s not personal. Believe me, I know what it’s like when personal and professional lines are blurred,” Uhura said following McCoy’s lead.

“What are we going to do about it? They’re still asking for each other,” McCoy questioned with a small exasperated smile. A fondness leaking through his gruffness.

“I don’t know for sure, but I have an idea.”

**-KS-KS-KS-KS-KS-**

“Who is Jim?” Dr. Clarkson asked while jotting down a few notes on her datapad. She was still reeling from her earlier conversation with Kirk.

“I do not know,” Spock answered with his usual monotone. “I cannot recall how I know that name and you apparently will not let me see him.”

“Why do you need to speak to him?” Dr. Clarkson tried again wondering if she was going to get anything out of him.

It was amazing that despite the regression of their age and blocked memories they both could remember each other. Dr. McCoy could not find anything abnormal about their brain scans, and the science department did not discover a foreign chemical imbalance. Therefore, it must be psychological. Her department. For whatever reason Kirk and Spock had managed to cling onto the memory of each other. Even if it was only a name. If she could figure out why they remembered each other it would be a huge scientific find. Then she would be given the credit she deserved, and the admirals would actually consider that her theories about Kirk were sound.

“I do not know,” Spock repeated seeming more exhausted than the last time they met.

“Don’t you think it’s strange?” Dr. Clarkson inquired while carefully studying his neutral expression.

“I find this whole situation strange. Although, it is fascinating that an alien compound could cause such effects. I have been able to analyze the data collected. The science department have assured me that despite their lack on conclusive evidence that once I reach my proper age then I will stop going through the aptly named “age jumps”. I, however, will, as humans say, “believe it when I see it”. Furthermore, the alien species where the compound originated from claims that they had no idea of the side effects. They too believe that by the time I reach my proper age the chemical would be burned from my system. It is all very strange and fascinating,” Spock lectured making Dr. Clarkson internally sigh. It shouldn’t have been a surprise he’d go on a tangent about the science rather than what she was actually asking.

“I mean, don’t you think it’s strange that out all of the people—”

“Hey, you wanted to see me Doc? Are you finally going to let me meet whoever Spock is?”

Dr. Clarkson nearly snapped her neck looking up when she heard that voice. Her eyes widened when she saw Jim standing at the door wearing a bored expression. She tried to subtly motion to leave, but of course Jim did whatever he wanted. Per usual. Dr. Clarkson watched as Jim’s gaze drifted from her to the young man sitting in front of her. Jim’s expression completely changed from bored to intrigue. Slowly he made his way over to the young man ignoring her protests. Everything was falling apart.

Spock was tense and his eyes were closed as he breathed in deeply. All the tension drained from him when Jim clasped his shoulder. Slowly, almost nervously, Spock’s eyes fluttered open. He looked up at Jim who was wearing a charming smile and had a mischievous glint in his eye. Spock’s eyes widened minutely as the corner of his lips twitched as if holding back a smile. It was a total disaster. They weren’t supposed to see each other until Dr. Clarkson had declared it was okay. She had a sinking suspicion that McCoy or Uhura had something to do with this. Probably both. Just wait until she gets a hold of them.

“Hey, I hear you been asking for me,” Jim casually teased causing a slight green flush to taint Spock’s pale complexion.

“I have been if you are Jim,” Spock countered making Jim chuckle while gently squeezing Spock’s shoulder.

“You, yeah I’m going to like you,” Jim said as a form of an answer. “So, Dr. Clarkson, you have a lot of explaining to do.”

**-KS-KS-KS-KS-KS-**

“We need an admiral on our side just in case this goes south,” Uhura announced to her fellow officers.

She dragged them into a private meeting during their off hours. Sulu and Chekov looked exhausted, both having come off a double shift. McCoy looked irritated, but that had more to do with all the burns he had to treat because of a minor explosion in the science department. Scotty was munching on a sandwich since it was his lunch break. Everyone that needed to be there was accounted for, more or less.

“Well, I think Archer will have Jim’s back. They were always close back when we were in the academy. Not as close as…Pike,” McCoy reverently murmured the name.

The rest of the group fell into a solemn silence. They all knew that Pike was important to both Kirk and Spock. Pike was like a persistent father to Kirk, and then a revered mentor to Spock. Most of them never really got a chance to work with Pike with them being so new to the Enterprise. It was only that one mission, and even then a majority of the time they were taking orders from Spock and then Kirk. No one could forget the tragedy that befallen Pike. Kirk and Spock, unsurprisingly, helped each other through that lost.

“I know Barnett is fond of Spock,” Uhura piped in after a moment. The tension was broken.

“The rest aren’t big fans,” Sulu commented making Chekov frown and nod agreeing with him.

“Two isn’t enough,” Scotty sighed while putting down his sandwich. “They can’t find out.”

“Then we have a problem,” McCoy grumbled frustrated.

“Dr. Clarkson. Isn’t there anything we could do about her?” Sulu questioned while turning towards the grumpy doctor.

“Short of shooting her out of an airlock? No. She’s in perfect health so I can’t even declare her unfit for duty,” McCoy answered looking more tired by the second.

“What about security? Throw her in za brig?” Chekov asked with a bright excited smile.

“She’s awful, but not dangerous. Well, not yet I guess,” McCoy replied making Chekov deflate.

“There has to be something we can do!” Uhura exclaimed while collapsing onto a chair flabbergasted.

“Aye, how do we normally solve these problems?” Scotty alluded catching the others’ attention.

“Well…we don’t most of the time,” McCoy confessed confused. “Most of the time it’s Jim and Spock. We just make sure they don’t get blown up.”

“Exactly,” Scotty stated with a crazy smile.

“Are you saying that Kirk and Spock are going to handle it? Really?” Uhura questioned dubiously making Scotty wink in response.

“Aye, that’s exactly what I’m saying. They’re the ones who want to be together more than anything. Knowing Jimbo and Spock they’ll figure it out,” Scotty explained with a casual shrug.

“We just have to be there for them when those two infants get in trouble. Just like always,” McCoy grumbled but there was a fond smile trying to form.

**-KS-KS-KS-KS-KS-**

“I think you have a lot of explaining to do,” Kirk announced while flashing a sharp smirk.

“I too am interested in hearing your reasoning for keeping us apart,” Spock commented while fixing Dr. Clarkson with a cold stare.

Dr. Clarkson looked between the two young men in front of her with conflicting emotions. She wanted them to understand that it wasn’t personal, but…it was. Those two were a plethora of opportunities for the taking. The psychiatrist, the part of her that needed to save people, wanted nothing more than to help them. Spock and Kirk faced so much, and no one ever came even close to helping them. Dr. Clarkson could be the difference.

Then the blindly ambitious, the part of her that wanted to get ahead, thought that their accident was the best thing that could have happened to her. The two most sought after captain and commander in the fleet were de-aged, and dropped right in her lap. Dr. Clarkson could get into the minds of the dynamic duo who had the whole universe at their fingertips. She would be an idiot not to take it. She could have made the next huge scientific discovery. It would have skyrocketed her career.

Those two contrasting reasons paled in comparison of her true goal though. She wanted Captain Kirk discharged. He was a menace. She lost count of how many intergalactic incidents he almost caused because of his “leap before looking” habit. Dr. Clarkson couldn’t believe how many times the crew, and more specifically Commander Spock, had to smooth things over for their wayward captain. Kirk was a ticking time bomb, and he needed to be off the ship before he went off. Dr. Clarkson knew she was being bias and vindictive, but she also had facts to support her cause. The one thing she didn’t count on was the crew’s loyalty to Kirk. She couldn’t understand how no one else saw their captain as the obvious mess he was.

“I’m more interested in how you two could possibly know each other when you have no memory of anyone else in the crew,” Dr. Clarkson smoothly deflected.

“I could not detect it before due to what the alien substance did to my physiology, but now I can sense it. There is a bond between myself and this human.” Spock stoically answered even as his eyes flicked briefly to Kirk who glanced back looking more curious than anything else.

“Oh is there now?” Dr. Clarkson murmured as a smirk slowly formed on her face.

Fraternization between senior officers may not be prohibited as long as they reported their relationship to admiralty. Dr. Clarkson thought now would be the perfect time to give one of the admirals a call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I want to let everyone know that while I try to keep the characters as close to what they’re like. By that I mean as close to what I personally see/think when I watch the movies. Everyone sees them a different way so keep that in mind. Furthermore, I am taking liberties with the timeline/specific dates/events. Other than that please enjoy!


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear I tried to stick to the schedule, but college crushed it to pieces! I guess that’s what I get for double majoring! Anyways, hope you all don’t hate me or this fic because of the annoyingly long hiatus it unofficially had!

**Disclaimer** : I don't own anything, and mean no disrespect to the characters or actors who portray them.

**-Kirk-Spock-Spirk-Kirk-Spock-Spirk**

“I don’t think you should have told her about us,” Jim mentioned while walking down the hall with Spock at his side.

Jim was trying to stay cool and nonchalant about meeting the boy—no, the man—that had been plaguing most of his thoughts. He didn’t know what to expect when coming face to face with Spock, but this wasn’t it. Not to say that Jim was disappointed with the results, far from it in fact, but still staggered by the discovery. Spock was tall, a bit taller than Jim, and packed with lean muscle. He held himself together in an orderly fashion that Jim was not accustomed to. There wasn’t a hair out of place, and not a single speck of dust or lint could be found among Spock’s pressed clothes. Jim, in the very least, was intimidated. A feeling he also wasn’t accustomed to. It made him feel on edge, and he didn’t like it.

“She already had known—”

“She’s going to snitch on us—I mean our future selves—to the admiralty,” Jim interrupted while sneaking a glance at the stoic Vulcan.

“They are not our future selves Jim. They are our present selves, and rather we are their past selves.” Spock gently corrected while meeting Jim’s gaze only to have Jim look away the moment he did.

“Doesn’t matter, you shouldn’t have told her. Our _present_ selves could get in a lot of trouble if they didn’t inform the admirals about their relationship,” Jim snapped back.

“I would have informed them of our relationship,” Spock answered with a surety that took Jim by surprise.

“What makes you so sure?” Jim countered while crossing his arms determined to be difficult. He knew it was unfair to Spock, but Jim couldn’t help but take his own insecurity out on the Vulcan who caused it.

“…Because I would have not wanted to keep you secret,” Spock answered so faintly Jim almost missed it.

Spock didn’t meet Jim’s stunned expression, but instead kept his eyes forward. Which is why he didn’t see Jim halt in his tracks at the quiet but sincere declaration. No one has ever said anything so…Jim couldn’t find the word to describe it. The anxiety Jim felt before melted as his perception of Spock shifted. Before he saw stiff, straight, hard lines, but now Jim was able to see a softness he didn’t notice at first. Like the deep warm brown of Spock’s eyes that looked almost human because of the emotion that shone in them. Spock’s lean physique didn’t feel so intimidating now that Jim recognized the reverence Spock spoke with. His strength wouldn’t be used against Jim, but for and with, to protect and…hold.

Spock was halfway to the elevator when he stopped to look over his shoulder at Jim who stood dumbstruck. A single slanted eyebrow was raised catching Jim’s scattered attention. With a slow forming grin Jim marched past Spock with a reclaimed swagger because he knew that Spock would follow. Jim knew the same way he knew that somehow someway he had to meet Spock.

“So present-you bragged to admirals about landing the youngest captain in the history of Starfleet.” Jim boasted making the corners of Spock’s lips twitch in hidden amusement. He considered it a win.

“Bragging is not the term I would use, but essentially yes,” Spock replied constraining his voice to remain monotone. An action that did not require enforcement before he met this peculiar human.

Jim snickered at Spock’s unenthusiastic answer while reaching out to press the button to call for the elevator. Spock’s also reached out, and before either could realize their hands brushed. Spock whipped back his hand with a sharp intake as Jim’s eyes widen a powerful but brief shock of warmth rushed up his arm. Spock avidly avoided Jim’s inquiring gaze while firmly interlocking his hands safely behind his back. Jim saw the resolute set in Spock’s shoulders, and debated on whether to ask about it or not. With a reluctant sigh Jim didn’t press the subject, and instead called for the elevator as originally planned.

“What does it mean to be bonded?” Jim asked making the Vulcan let out a deep exhale close enough to be called a sigh. Jim wondered amused if present-day Spock found present-day Jim equally trying. Probably.

“I will tell you over the course of dinner,” Spock deflected making Jim’s infamous smirk return full force.

“Are you asking me out?” Jim teased hoping to earn another near sigh from his logical companion.

“I am asking you to dinner James,” Spock responded while looking over to meet Jim’s smug expression head on.

Jim’s grin faltered hearing his proper name. Not because he was afraid that he pushed Spock too far, but because of what Spock saying his name did to Jim. The way it rolled off the tongue in a deep velvety voice was like music to Jim’s ears. Before Jim’s thoughts to could stray to wondering what his name would sound like in other situations the elevator doors hissed open revealing Bones standing inside. He looked between the two young men with a cautious expression. Spock was staring at Jim wearing an intense expression while Jim met his gaze with a fond smile.

“Ah, hell.”

**-Kirk-Spock-Spirk-Kirk-Spock-Spirk**

“Dr. Clarkson, I expect you to have a good reason for calling me this time of night,” Barnett subtly threatens with a deep frown.

“It is. I have knowledge that Captain James Kirk and Commander Spock are involved in a romantic relationship. This violates—”

“Nothing. There are no rules that officers cannot be involved with one another as long as they have cleared their relationship with admiralty,” Barnett impatiently interrupts.

Dr. Clarkson falls silent overwhelmed by the news. The admirals already knew. Kirk and Spock informed them of their detrimental relationship. If Admiral Barnett wasn’t glaring from his vidscreen Dr. Clarkson wouldn’t have believed it. Kirk rarely was one who followed rules so it must have been Spock. Regardless, they are two of the commanding officers on the ship, and should be allowed to continue to lead. They have shown multiple times before that they are obviously emotionally compromised by each other. How can the admiralty allow this?

“Admiral Barnett, I do not understand. They are in violation of emotional compromise by the other. It is only a matter of time before one of them chooses the other over the well-being of the ship,” Dr. Clarkson fervently protested.

“Dr. Clarkson, I think you are forgetting that we do not condemn people for crimes they have not committed. Innocent until proven guilty, not the other way around—”

“But Sir—”

“Enough! If I was in your precarious position I would not be so willing to judge them for their emotional compromise,” Barnett snapped making Dr. Clarkson wince. “That’s right. We are well aware of your history of loss, and witch hunt regarding James Kirk and Spock.”

“Sir, it’s not…” Dr. Clarkson trailed off while looking away. “I truly am concerned for the safety of the crew. They are being led by two very emotionally compromised men. They have a long history of bending or breaking the rules for the other. On top of that, Admiral Barnett, they have been dishonest in their recent reports.”

“Continue,” Barnett relented giving permission for Dr. Clarkson to make her case.

“They have been mentally and physically altered by an alien substance. Captain Kirk and Commander Spock are 18 and 20 years old respectively at this time. They have been aging in progression of five years for around a month now. When they first boarded the ship they were mere children. Their senior commanding officers have been covering their tracks and keeping it a secret from you and the other admirals,” Dr. Clarkson declared knowing this was her last chance.

Admiral Barnett’s face went a deceptive blank while he processed everything he just heard. He wouldn’t put it past that ship and crew to be in this kind of mess. His cool mask broke when he let out a heavy sigh and rubbed his eyes exhausted. Dr. Clarkson silently waited on pins and needles for his response. Surely he couldn’t disregard her now that the two have done something considered worthy of punishment.

“Dr. Clarkson, I have decided that you will take an immediate and mandatory shore leave for the unforeseeable future—”

“What?” Dr. Clarkson screeched while clutching her datapad to her chest as if it can protect her from the truth.

“You will be relieved of your duties, and during your shore leave will be re-evaluated to determine your stability. I, and the other admirals, have humored you long enough. I will not have you tarnish the two officer’s good name for your own personal reasons—”

“But—”

“No, from this point on you are no longer a crew member among the USS Enterprise, but a citizen passenger. Formal notice will be sent to both you and the acting captain by morning my time. I hope I do have to remind you that you are, by contract and moral code, held to a secrecy by your profession of psychiatrist and Starfleet officer. Any violations will lead to a trial hearing and dishonorable discharge,” Barnett lectured to a stunned Dr. Clarkson. “Do you understand?”

“Yes,” Dr. Clarkson whimpered out before the screen went black.

All she wanted to do was stop those two from hurting the crew or causing an intergalactic incident. Why was she the only one who saw them for the volatile time bombs they clearly were? It wasn’t fair, wasn’t right. She knew what she was doing. She had been practicing for years under many captains. This was how they repaid her? By threatening her into submission? Corrupt! All of them! Just they wait and see. It’s not a matter of if but when Captain James T. Kirk does something so radical that Starfleet wouldn’t be able to bury that too. Then they’ll see what she did, and they would only have themselves to blame for not believing her.

Fine, if that’s what the admiralty wants, then fine.

**-Kirk-Spock-Spirk-Kirk-Spock-Spirk**

“So…are you going to tell me?” Jim pried the moment Spock got settled in his seat unable to wait any longer.

“Jim,” Spock scolded but put down his fork to indulge his bond mate. “Bonds are not dissimilar to a human marriage. The largest difference is that there is a tangible telepathic connection between the two bonded. It connects them mind, body, and katra. It is something treasured deeply among my people, and not taken lightly. Bonds are ultimately meant to be for life. A joining of two compatible minds.”

Jim looked down at his plate contemplating what he was just told. A marriage. Telepathic connection. He couldn’t imagine anyone being in his head all the time, much less wanting to be there. Jim was broken. Always had been. Why would he want to force that on anyone? He startled when Spock placed a hand over his, and only then did he realize that he was clenching his fists so tightly his nails were digging into his skin. Jim relaxed slightly leaving behind bloody crescents on his palms.

“I am sorry if this news has upset you,” Spock murmured while retracting his hand, but Jim hurriedly latched onto it.

“I…it’s just…it’s a lot to take in. I’m sorry,” Jim mumbled closing his eyes so he didn’t have to see Spock’s blank expression.

“Jim,” Spock whispered so soothingly Jim had no choice but to open his eyes. He was taken aback by the warmth and understanding swimming in Spock’s brown eyes. Jim wanted to drown in it. “You have nothing to apologize for.”

“Can you…are you in my head right now?” Jim nervously questioned causing Spock to study his face for a moment.

“No. I cannot read your thoughts as you cannot read mine. I am shielding our connection to not further overwhelm you—”

“Don’t,” Jim requested while straightening his shoulders as is preparing himself for something.

“I do not think it is wise. The sensation of having another in one’s mind can be…uncomfortable for humans,” Spock denied making Jim scowl.

“Do it,” Jim commanded while piercing Spock with a defiant glare.

“As you wish,” Spock relented while tensely leaning back in his seat.

Jim waited for some cataclysmic thing to happen. Waited anxiously for some invasion of his mind and privacy. It never came. Jim was ready to yell at Spock to just get it over with already when he felt something within him change. If he wasn’t expecting something he wouldn’t have noticed it at all. Now that he has though Jim knew he would always be aware of it. In the back of his mind there was a slight buzzing that dulled into a soft peaceful hum.

Every now and then it vibrated like a pulse giving off subtle and vague impressions. Nervousness. Curiosity. Fear. It took a moment for Jim to realize that these hints of feelings were not his own. He looked up at Spock who sat stiffly across from him wearing that stoic expression Jim was starting to grow use to. A brief flicker across his warm brown eyes is what it took Jim to realize that those impressions were coming from Spock. Spock was right, of course. He wasn’t reading Jim’s mind any more than Jim was reading Spock’s. It was more like a…sense of the other one.

“I don’t want you to shield from me again,” Jim demanded instantly hating the thought of this being kept from him.

“As you wish Jim,” Spock replied before turning back to his food.

Before Jim would have thought that Spock was emotionless and didn’t care one way or another about the bond they apparently had. But now Jim knew the truth. He could sense it, restrained and delicate, but distinctly there.

**-Kirk-Spock-Spirk-Kirk-Spock-Spirk**

“You should have told me what was going on,” Admiral Barnett reprimanded without any real heat behind his words.

“Aye, I know. Won’t happen again. All is well over here,” Scotty brushed off while waving his sandwich unconcerned.

“You’ll be getting a notice in a few hours regarding Dr. Clarkson,” Admiral Barnett informed the acting captain.

“Thanks for that,” Scotty replied relieved that things were finally going to settle down again. No more psycho psychiatrist. Admirals are fully aware of the captain and commander’s condition. About time.

“Just be happy that she didn’t call Archer,” Admiral Barnett lightly teased causing Scotty to choke on his sandwich.

“It was an accident!”

**-Kirk-Spock-Spirk-Kirk-Spock-Spirk**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I’m going to be completely honest with you all. I was going to dump this fic, but so many of you continued asking about the next update. So thank you for getting me back on the horse so to speak! You guys have no idea how much your comments and reviews mean to me! THANK YOU!!!


	21. 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I’m not going to lie I was surprised by the amount of reviews/comments I got regarding the last chapter! Thank you so much for all of your support! Truly it means the world to me! I am NOT going to give up on this fanfic!

**Disclaimer** : I don't own anything, and mean no disrespect to the characters or actors who portray them.

**-Kirk-Spock-Spirk-Kirk-Spock-Spirk**

“You need a psychiatrist,” Jim grit out while slamming his hand on the elevator emergency stop.

“What the hell are you doing?” Clarkson shrieked while bracing herself against the wall as the elevator came to an abrupt halt.

“You and I are finally going to have a talk. No ranks. No diagnoses. Just you and me actually talking like goddamn adults,” Jim declared making Clarkson scoff in disbelief.

“Talk? I was under the impression that you were just fine,” Clarkson retorted sarcastically causing Jim to roll his eyes snorting.

“Just because I don’t want to tell you about my issues doesn’t mean I don’t have any. Like I said no diagnoses here,” Jim replied crossing his arms.

“Like I could anyways. You had me fired,” Clarkson blamed with an ugly scowl.

“No, you got yourself kicked off the ship. What the fuck did you think was going to happen when you decided to go after me? That I was just going to sit back and take it? You’ve read my files,” Jim quickly corrected.

“I had a perfectly good reason—”

“Revenge is not a good reason,” Jim harshly snapped making Clarkson flinch back surprised. “You can’t go after me because of what happened to your brother.”

“Don’t! Just don’t! You don’t know what happened—”

“He died when his landing party was attacked. It was supposed to be a routine mission. Just collecting data, but the scanners didn’t pick up any life forms. They didn’t detect the indigenous species until it was too late,” Jim softly interrupted.

“So what? You read a file and think you know the whole story,” Clarkson muttered while turning away from empathetic blue eyes.

“Sound familiar?” Jim responds making Clarkson sigh looking more tired than Jim has ever seen her look before.

“I…just wanted to help. I wanted to help you. I wanted to save the crew from you. I just…” Clarkson trailed off with another heavy sigh.

“I’ve said it before, but maybe this time you’ll listen: I am fine. I don’t need your help. And as far as saving the crew goes who do you think you are? It’s stupid to compare captains, but it’s cruel to compare their tragedies,” Jim stated looking down with a mournful grimace.

“It’s his fault. He should have protected Joshua. Nothing happened to him. It’s unfair! I buried the mangled body of my only brother! My baby brother!” Clarkson exclaimed getting louder and more hysterical with each breath.

“And you think he doesn’t hate himself for it? You think this isn’t going to haunt him for the rest of his life? I know exactly what he’s going through. He wonders what he could have done differently. He wishes that it was him instead. Every second of every day he mourns the lost and regrets it down to his bones.” Jim murmurs clenching his fists catching Clarkson’s attention.

“James—”

“You do not have the monopoly on pain,” Jim rebukes making Clarkson fall silent. “Trying to destroy my career won’t bring him back. Nothing will.”

“…I know,” Clarkson whispered as tears clung to her long lashes clumping them together.

“Go home. Mourn for your brother. Maybe it’s time to see your son again. Whatever you do…don’t come back to this ship,” Jim ordered while redirecting his gaze at her.

“I don’t know how I can face him after…everything,” Clarkson confessed while covering her face with her hands.

“Facing him will be easy compared to making him believe that you’ll actually stay. When I got back from Tarsus I thought Winona would never have let me go again. It was like she was trying to cram thirteen years of love into just a few months, but it didn’t last. She got a mission she didn’t want to refuse, and then we were back to the familiar. No matter what happens, what he does, what he says, he wants you there more than anything,” Jim answers wearing a severe expression.

“Are you and your mother—”

“I didn’t bring her up so we can talk about my relationship with her. I wanted to let you know that your son, with time and genuine effort, will forgive you,” Jim cut in with a warning glare.

“But why?” She questioned with tear filled eyes that made Jim somewhat uncomfortable.

“Because he’ll want to,” Jim answered while leveling her with an empathetic gaze.

“I don’t know what to say,” Clarkson admitted making Jim smirk. His cocky façade falling back in place washing away the candid solemnity from their discussion.

“I have that effect on people,” Jim teased while pressing the button to restart the elevator.

“James, you don’t have to hide,” Clarkson announced before she could stop herself.

She held her breath expecting him to lash out like he had so many times before. Instead he chuckled humorlessly with a slight shake of his head. The doors whooshed open and Jim stepped out, but then turned to look at her for the last time. Clarkson observed him anxiously not knowing what Jim she would be facing. The cocky playboy or the wizened survivor. Instead, it was a new face. One she hasn’t seen since he was an eight year old. Lost child.

“We all have our ways to survive…” He mumbled before turning away to continue down the hall.

Clarkson watched him helplessly wondering how much damage she added to the already broken boy. She wanted to reverse time to fix it, but then trying to fix him was what got her into this situation in the first place. With each step Jim slipped further and further into his carefully crafted charade that only a few saw through. As the doors closed cutting off her view of Jim Clarkson felt a deep regret tear through her.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered far too late.

**-Kirk-Spock-Spirk-Kirk-Spock-Spirk**

“That gets rid of our psycho psychiatrist problem,” Bones muttered over dinner.

“I can’t believe that it was that easy,” Nyota quietly confessed as if speaking too loudly would jinx it.

“I wish I could have seen the look on her face,” Bones snickered making Nyota smile amused.

“Speaking of…how are you doing Spock?” Nyota questioned turning her attention to Spock who was silent throughout a majority of the conversation.

“Oh yeah, I almost forgot. There are only two more jumps, and then you’re back to your right age,” Bones expanded while also shifting his focus to Spock.

“My next progression I will be twenty-five Terran years,” Spock distractedly answered.

“You were my professor around that time,” Nyota mused catching Spock’s interest.

“I am a professor as well?” Spock inquired making Nyota blush flustered. “Did I say something out of turn?”

“No,” Nyota answered blushing darker. “It’s just…that’s where we met.”

“Hot for teacher?” Bones teased making Nyota scowl and elbow him in his side.

“We were…familiar?” Spock questioned wearing a serious expression. “That is against numerous regulations.”

“Yes it is,” Bones mumbled looking far too pleased at the situation at hand.

“Oh hush you!” Nyota scolded while pushing away her nearly empty plate. “We all know Kirk was the biggest troublemaker around!”

“Jim?” Spock inquired making Bones huff in disbelief.

“Jim has always been…eccentric, but back then he…oh shit…” Bones trailed off as his eyes widened in almost horror.

“What? What’s wrong?” Nyota asked concerned as Bones quickly rose to his feet.

“Jim as a twenty-three year old,” Bones cryptically answered just confusing Nyota further.

“I do not understand,” Spock stated while rising more gracefully to his feet. “What does that matter?”

“You and Jim weren’t always so close. In fact, you guys had the roughest start two people could have,” Bones clarified while grabbing his tray.

“What was the cause of our discourse?” Spock questioned while grabbing his tray to follow the doctor.

“What wasn’t would be a shorter list,” Nyota mumbled catching Spock’s attention.

“You guys always had a different way of going about things,” Bones explained with a heavy sigh. “If it wasn’t one thing it was always another.”

“What changed between us that made our partnership stronger?” Spock pried making Nyota purse her lips while Bones slammed his tray into the trash.

“Nero,” Nyota whispered making Spock’s already rigid posture tense further. He remembered that name from his research.

“I see,” Spock softly replied.

“Spock…”

Whatever Nyota was going to say fell silent to Spock when he felt a rush of guilty despair. Spock paused wondering where that sudden emotion came from. He was curious about his poor relationship with Jim; disappointed even, but not guilty because of it. Spock was not surprised that at one time Jim and he clashed because of differing opinions. So he was confused by the guilt he was feeling. When a sharp pang of anger slammed into him Spock realized that what he was feeling were not his own emotions. Jim.

“I must leave now,” Spock excused himself as he placed his tray down.

Before either of them could question him Spock rushed out of the cafeteria. He stopped just long enough to ask where James T. Kirk was located on the ship. The computer had trouble locating his young mate due to the changes caused by the age regression. Spock felt regret leak through the bond making Spock feel uneasy. His mate was hurting. Spock gently prodded against Jim’s mind hoping that he felt the warmth of their bond.

“Observation Deck 2C.”

**-Kirk-Spock-Spirk-Kirk-Spock-Spirk**

Jim stared blankly at the seemingly endless sea of stars. This observation deck was normally abandoned due to the floor to ceiling window that took up the entire far wall. As much as the crew loved being in space this room was too much for them. Bones wouldn’t even go anywhere near it. Jim, on the other hand, found peace among the dark expanse only illuminated by the millions of dazzling stars passed by.

“Jim.”

Jim chuckled to himself when he heard that familiar monotone, but felt the concern bleeding through their bond. Jim still clearly had trouble guarding what emotions he let slip through to Spock. He didn’t want to worry Spock with his hurricane of emotions thrashing through him. Guilt. Anger. Sorrow. Fear. Regret.

“Spock, I’m working on it,” Jim announced as he turned to face the older man.

Spock was standing ramrod straight by the door. He was dressed in black pants and a black thermal that fit him like a glove. All the dark clothing emphasized his pallor making him look almost translucent. Sharp lines of his broad shoulders down to his narrow hips made him look harsh. Jim saw through that though because he could see the barely there hint of concern pooled in Spock’s brown eyes.

“You do not need to ‘work on it’ Jim. The bond is meant to connect our minds,” Spock explained while slowly making his way over to Jim’s side. “I do not want you to hide from me.”

Jim flushed turning away recalling Clarkson’s words from their earlier conversation. It seemed like years ago, but only a few hours had passed between then and now. Jim felt the heat radiating from Spock as the older man stopped to stand behind him. He acted like an anchor for Jim to hold onto. To keep the fearless adventurer from wandering pass the point of no return.

“I don’t know how not to,” Jim confessed while keeping his eyes locked on the scenery on the other side of the glass.

It was not the first time Jim had ripped the ability to speak from Spock and it wouldn’t be the last. Spock remained silent not knowing how to answer or comfort his distressed mate. He spent most of his own life hiding. Burying his human half so deep that no one would ever be able to find it. So deep down Spock could barely find it himself. It was one of his deepest regrets now that it was his only connection to his mother. Spock tore his gaze away from Jim and focused on the expanse of stars.

“We can teach each other,” Spock finally stated taking Jim momentarily by surprise.

Jim looked over his shoulder to see Spock’s eyes glance down at him. Jim offered him a small smile making Spock’s gaze soften. Jim fully turned around so he was facing Spock, and hesitantly wrapped his arms around Spock’s neck. He was waiting for Spock to push him away, but it never happened. Spock’s hands landed on Jim’s waist holding the blonde like he was the most precious treasure to be held. It brought an unfamiliar lump to Jim’s throat.

“We can teach each other,” Jim quietly repeated while closing his eyes in disbelief. Spock was unreal. Jim didn’t deserve someone so…perfect.

“Taluhk nash-veh k'dular,” Spock murmured as he pressed his forehead against Jim’s.

With those foreign heartfelt words the lump in Jim’s throat disappeared. Jim took a shaky breath before melting in Spock’s strong arms. Spock held him under the dim light of the Enterprise and the bright glow of the stars. Days. Hours. Minutes. Spock would hold Jim however long his mate needed him to. Spock will teach Jim that there is no need to hide from him, and what Spock feels for the human is true.

“I want…” Jim trailed off flustered, but Spock silently waited for Jim to continue.

Jim didn’t speak again, but instead did what he did best and took action. With a careful but quick movement Jim pressed his lips against Spock’s. Jim felt like electricity was being sent down from his lips through his veins stimulating every part of him. Jim’s arms around Spock’s neck tightened deepening the kiss. Spock felt like his insides were set on fire making a slow burn rip through his body alighting every fragment of his being. Spock’s firm grip on Jim’s waist loosened only so that he could wrap his arms fully around his mate.

Chest to chest the two men clung to each other afraid that any space between them would tear them apart. Any moment they would need to pull away to breathe, but neither of them planned on wasting any second. Rarely did they have time without the others constantly watching them. There was always someone lurking around, but not this time. This moment was solely for them.

Jim’s hands slipped through Spock’s silky hair earning a low moan to rumble through the Vulcan’s chest. Spock broke away from the kiss with a breathless gasp trying to fill his lungs as quickly as possible. Jim stared at him with dilated eyes and swollen lips that screamed for more. Spock brushed Jim’s bottom lip with his thumb making their breath hitch once more. Spock hissed as Jim’s tantalizing pink tongue flicked out licking the tip.

“Jim,” Spock whispered huskily as he cupped his mate’s cheek. “Nahp, hif-bi tu throks.”

“Yes.” Jim answered closing his eyes as Spock positioned his fingers.

Their bond exploded as they fell into each other and together drifted off to a world of stars.

**-Kirk-Spock-Spirk-Kirk-Spock-Spirk**

It was hours later when they were discovered, but by the time an ensign fetched them they were no longer in the observation room but in the recreation room. Naturally they were playing three dimensional chess. Neither of them seemed to be trying too hard to win, but rather enjoyed a more playful game. The ensign relayed that Spock was needed in the labs while Scotty wanted Jim’s help with something down in engineering.

The men put away their game and followed the ensign out of the room. They had to go down opposite halls, but before they parted Jim stopped catching Spock’s attention. Tentatively Jim held up two fingers to Spock making the older man’s eyes light up just so. The ensign turned her gaze away confused by the gesture, but feeling like it was too intimate to watch. Spock gently pressed his own forefingers against Jim’s making the blonde grin.

With one last press the two men separated the bond between then vibrating.

**-Kirk-Spock-Spirk-Kirk-Spock-Spirk**

**Translations** :

Taluhk nash-veh k'dular- I cherish thee

Nahp, hif-bi tu throks- Your thoughts, give them to me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I really wished I updated more during winter break, but I had no idea how busy I was going to be! Hope you all enjoy it though!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed it! Let me know what you thought!


End file.
